Meenzer

Ban Yorkshire.

I did some hill shuttles yesterday and I'm waddling around like The Fish's sister in the Asda frozen aisle today, but I'm going to stop complaining having heard that. Ouch.

That sounds more familiar, aye.

What she secretly wanted to say: https://vine.co/v/OU2dvgFO0pr

A German chemist who let you buy more than one thing at once without sending you to a GP? Astonishing.

No they didn't.

Now you Siem, now you don't.

Perfectly put.

Aussieland, rejoice! http://www.eurovision.tv/page/news?id=australia_to_participate_in_the_2015_eurovision_song_contest

And Gary Speed. Don't forget Gary Speed.

Too right. Wilkinson goes missing every single game, yet somehow essembeeofsunderland can't see it.

He's having a canny season with West Ham, to be fair.

He's having a canny season with Man U, to be fair.

Gîte tae fuck.

Definitely had a traumatic experience in Amsterdam, this one. She-male?

Bravo, sir.

Shame, I was looking forward to wiping out the bookies.

I wonder if there's a bookie who'll give odds on "+/- 2 cases of post-infancy self-soiling in the Toontastic userbase".

Replace Kefalonia with Andalucia and June with May, and that's our Eurovision week.

I'd say there's a bit less to actually see there than in other major German cities - once you've done the cathedral (which is pretty impressive, granted) then there isn't really all that much to do there when it's not Christmas market time. But if you're also after the kind of Germany trip that involves copious quantities of beer and heavy food then it's definitely good for that. Good base for exploring the Rhine too, if it's a sunny-ish time of year.

Betway voided a bet on the ACN final yesterday that would have netted me a grand if successful, because they'd "mispriced the market". Seems like their problem rather than mine, but there's always something buried away in the T&Cs of online betting sites about covering their backs in extreme cases. Fortunately it was the first goalscorer market so I was happy enough to take the refund in hindsight. Betfair is still my favourite though, especially for niche Eurovision bets. There's nothing quite like the feeling that you're taking money directly out of the hands of idiots.

Fuck off.

I drink nothing but gamble quite a bit. Do I win and lose?