Meenzer

"This is GREAT Dad, I can't stop eating it really really quickly thanks Dad bye!"

That's OK, I'll translate it from German no bother.

I'll get you barred.

Couldn't give a shit.

Remember he's only just discovered what those flakey things are, it's no wonder he's keen to use them liberally.

Last resting place of dead hobbies.

We went to Alicante for 4-5 days a few years back and it's not bad at all. Attractive old town, decent food, a bit of cultural stuff there if you want it, a good-sized beach with sunbed/chair hire, plenty of shopping over in the "real" city centre including a big branch of El Corte Inglés, plus a healthy slice of tourist bars/Sky TV/karaoke grot if you do want to dip your toes into that after all. Just don't be concerned by the folks you see on the plane and at the airport - they're probably going to Benidorm......

"Sorry, no room." *buffs blood stains from taxi bonnet*

Imagine it served on a bed of meat-cleavered lettuce leaves and garnished with a Roman cherry tomato. Lovely.

Usually about 7-10 days for me but occasional ones seem to take longer (usually where customs are involved). If he's accidentally put insufficient postage on it then it might have gone surface mail, which would certainly be one explanation for the delay...

I've just made rhubarb crumble*. *not a euphemism as far as I know

I think you just threw that in because you're you more than because of anything CT said.

The Woman's Own of sports literature.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zulhqZQn8F4#t=17s

It's certainly helped shift the holiday weight. (CT, I am not recommending this as a WeightWatchers alternative)

My mood is glorious. Only just recovering from a bastard of a two-week stomach bug, and now I've done my Achilles tendon so I'm hobbling around like a right one. At least the two didn't overlap or I'd basically have had to live in the bathroom.

Sometimes a song can travel...

Swiss don't lie.

This is still available (including as an mp3) if you fancy a listen: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p02twm8v

http://www.buzzfeed.com/kimberleydadds/kanye-west-glasto-subtitles-lol?bftw&utm_term=4ldqpgm#.qtp71bp8E6

Bingo wingman.

There's not a great deal you're going to be able to do about your height at this stage. Well, other than maybe (EDIT: No, I don't know why there's a tiger and a dinosaur either. )