Meenzer

I'm sure that's the title of an old country & western song.

Fucking hell, my seat just went Labour by 39 votes. 🥳 I love it when a tactical vote comes together!

Impossible to say for sure but I think Rees-Mogg was basically the one that officially gave Labour the win, too

Gaza, basically. Fairly bonkers set of results all round.

Paves the way for IDS to return as party leader though.

Davey and Rayner getting re-elected simultaneously? That calls for another pasty.

Delightful. Predictable, but delightful. Speaking of which, Holden did not look happy there at all, did he? That would be wonderful

The TV coverage in a nutshell

They've probably taken half of Lincolnshire. It'd be quite funny if they beat Richard Holden in Basildon, mind.

Obviously as a purely academic exercise I can't claim to be in favour of proportional representation and have a problem with Reform winning seats, but yeah, urgh. I guess we'll be missing out on some of the more speculative Tory scalps, which is a shame. Hopefully there'll be a few Portillo moments thanks to heavily localised tactical voting all the same.

Leaflet slogan: "14 years and we haven't turned around"

The fella just came back from the station with a Too Good To Go bag containing six massive Cornish pasties. That'll do us for a few hours.

Pff, a commune worth its salt (Himalayan pink, naturally) would be digging up kale from Little Moor Allotments as we speak.

The local Reform candidate is a passionate believer in a free NHS. There's a fairly prominent Reform politician he might want to have a listen to about that.

North West Cambridgeshire. Would take a ridiculous swing for the Tories to lose it so I'm sceptical about any poll that says it could be a Labour gain, but you never know. First time I've lived under a Tory MP since Piers Merchant inexplicably picked up Newcastle Central for a few years during Peak Thatcher (before subsequently picking up a teenage nightclub hostess on a park bench in London).

And I know just the man!

Two days ago this was still parody

There have got to be a lot of shy Tories out there when it comes to the polling. I know there always have been and the pollsters are used to weighting for it, but still, surely they'll be keeping quieter than ever given how shameful it is to admit to voting for them now. I still reckon the Tories will be well into three figures at least, but the Reform vote is such a huge unknown factor, so who knows. What I find really interesting from a nerdy perspective is we could be getting MPs elected in some constituencies on 25% of the vote or even low 20s, where you've got a three-way split plus the smaller parties doing OK. No wonder it's all so hard to predict.

As Jan Olsson's coffin inexplicably skids off into the distance.

She seems delightful.