Meenzer

Fuck's sake. I tripped and grazed my leg on Saturday while on a hike that I wouldn't have been on if the government hadn't imposed quarantines that prompted me to cancel my foreign travel plans, so Matt Hancock owes me some antiseptic, a couple of plasters and a tabloid photoshoot. Is that how it works?

In hindsight, it might have been foolish to expect an "oven-ready" deal from someone you know has never actually lifted a finger to cook a meal in his life.

It's what he would have wanted.

Gone Wilder

In hindsight, the idea that Fop was a North Korean agent who learned how to speak English on internet forums makes a lot of sense

Well, at least it's a form of planning Still, since they're so keen to tell liberal lefties that they should be letting refugees live in their houses, I'm sure Brexit voters will be rushing to let their gardens be turned into lorry parks. It's what they voted for, right?

I've been working from home for 15 years and I don't miss any of these things. Am I doing capitalism wrong?

You don't need a degree in German to work out how well we're being perceived abroad right now.

I LIKE TRAINS and Kunt and the Gang within a few posts of each other. It's like my music collection come to life.

You can stick your Elgin Marbles Stick your Elgin Marbles Stick your Elgin Marbles up your arse

Heck of a hazy night if it started in Frankfurt and ended at the Hamburg fish market

A good friend lives there; we'd have spent most of the time cycling/hiking in the surrounding countryside, rather than dodging the Hauptbahnhof junkies who've mysteriously doubled in number now that there's a curfew in Offenbach.

I could have been travelling to Germany today for the bank holiday weekend, but I'd have been changing trains in Brussels, and the Brussels region was put back on Germany's quarantine list a few days ago. I looked at the rules and there's a loosely-worded exception for people travelling through a high-risk area without a "stopover", but I didn't fancy arguing the toss with the German authorities about whether 20 minutes at Brussels Midi station constitutes a stopover or not, at the risk of being trapped in Frankfurt for a fortnight if I came out on the wrong side of the argument. (The trip was booked pre-pandemic, I should add - I held on to the tickets rather than cancelling sooner because it's the hope that kills you. ) Looks like a week up at my folks' next month is going to be the extent of this year's "summer" holiday then... I'll have jinxed it now and there'll be a Tyneside local lockdown, you watch

I know we're not exactly world-beaters but I fail to see how the bloke who hosted Turnabout is going to improve our squad.

This is the only Haim I choose to recognise

Never mind the book, this review is worth a read https://thesetpieces.com/latest-posts/sweeper-steve-bruce-review/

A bit further north, the Barn at Beal is good for daytime or evening food too. Mind, I see their current menu includes a Pheasant Katsu Curry, which sounds dangerously close to English fusion tapas.

*Disgraced Former Defence Secretary Liam Fox

Jedward.