Meenzer

Bottle it and sell it to Sainsbury's as "Cheeky Crispy Crunchy Dressing" tbh.

The Queen. Basically enjoyed it, and Helen Mirren is predictably good, but it did feel a bit like going to the cinema to watch an ITV Sunday night two-parter.

Next-door neighbours when I was growing up were Jehovah's Witnesses. Their kids accidentally knocked over our Christmas tree one year when we were messing around and their mum gave the poor buggers a right leathering because she was so worried we'd think they were trying to defile our Christian traditions.

No wonder I couldn't do a forward roll

Did yer teacher at school say to you "meenzer, when you leave school the job for you is translating articles about religous vehicles" or sommat? Either that or he's a translator. Could be that, aye. As mentioned earlier in the thread, I do finance/business stuff - this one's a Mercedes-Benz puff piece on their special protection vehicles, which happen to include the aforementioned Evil Killer Transporter.

And Four Lane Ends is roughly equidistant between those two stores. Mind, come to think of it, it wasn't even Asda when I worked there, it was the Benton Hypermarket (Co-op). I remember when going to the Hypermarket was a big event. Spoilt as a child, me.

Today I am mostly translating a text about the Popemobile. Class.

Work experience can be cack, like. I did a week at the Lloyds bank on Grey Street when I was 14. They didn't like the fact I was better at the thrilling task of cheque processing than the vacant frizzy-haired lasses who were doing it full-time, so they sat me down in front of a computer and got me to read stuff for the rest of the week instead. Still, got my bus fares refunded at the end of it.

I'm a German-English translator, mostly business/financial stuff. Employed by a Nottingham-/Frankfurt-based company but I work from home, which is canny.

At school I could never get the hang of forward rolls. I have no idea why. As for the gym, leg strength is no problem, but anything involving arm exertion is a no-no because of my inherently limp wrists.

Ken Hom

Happy birthday, you sexy bitch.

Every job I've had has basically been the same thing in different clothes. Though I did suffer a summer of telephone market research when I was a stood.

Good point about the masks, but it was a special occasion rather than the norm. The equivalent of wearing your Trek gear at a convention vs. when you nip to the shop for some milk, I suppose, though obviously people still laugh at the former. As to why one is vaguely acceptable and the other isn't, I imagine it's not irrelevant that a Shearer-worshipping mong would likely be happier to plant a fist on you for challenging their sartorial elegance than the average pale-faced Trekkie.

If you turned up with a tuft of fluff atop a balding head and went round with one arm raised in celebration all night, you'd probably get that kind of response too...

Bruce Willis is actually dead all along!

Aye, that's what worries me more than dying itself, the fact that I just know I'll cark it when I haven't cleaned the flat for a week and I'm still wearing yesterday's pants.

How much are they? Between £1000 and £1500

That 21st anniversary Les Mis concert from Radio 2 at the weekend

Wow, that's terrible news. 27 is no age at all.

Harsh

Just opened a bag of Sainsbury's gala apples and the cutesy tagline on the outside says "Ideal for lunches!". Fuck me, you don't say.

Definitely sex. I've got wine as a substitute for the second and the excitement of Eurovision night as a substitute for the third.