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I'm heartbroken.

Supafan status revoked tbh. And remember, I went to the Portsmouth game when I was literally at death's door. I actually died on my way to Frankfurt.

You know you've come up with an advertising winner when urban myths immediately spring up claiming that the star of your commercial has been bullied to death.

"Freddie? Which way Freddie? Do you have a plan Freddie?"

Yes.

IDST

"Ayas"

Aye exactly. It's possible to separate feeling sorry for the lad at a personal level and being happy from a footballing point of view.

You calling wor Sib a poof like?

A healthy dose of Rachmaninov to start the day. It's good to pretend to be cultured sometimes.

Extended till tonight apparently.

Can't think of any one moment really, but moving back to the UK and settling in has been a damn sight easier than I expected, so to that. Oh, actually, my mate Ray's wedding in the summer was a class weekend. Perfect weather, fantastic reception and all the old crowd back together in one place and causing merry havoc.

I'll be trying to persuade the Aussie to join me in a straight pub for a change.

Are you getting one then, i bet you like having a bloke in shorts up against your wall, don't you? Only if it's wipe-clean vinyl.

I take it back. Fantastic company.

You wouldn't know mediocrity if it hit you with a hammer, 5th best club over the last decade, qualifying for Europe regularly, signing England players, have I forgotten anything? Think you needed to call me a stupid cuntish cunt Specifically "I see you've resorted to mindless insults again, you stupid cuntish cunt".

Did I ever say congrats on that, Zath? If not, congrats. Hell, even if so, congrats again.

Middle class cock tastes better though. At least they know how to wash.

The adverts are bad enough. But the prices....

Not if you call me ginger you're not dicksplash! I've got your ticket remember. Pah, I know where you get chips. You could blindfold yourself and stick a pin in the "Takeaway and Fast Food" section of the Yellow Pages and find somewhere Gemmill gets chips.

laughing my ass off oh my god owned laughing out loud

And the Ipswich Ripper makes exceedingly good wakes.

That night I was suffering the office Christmas "party" in my then-new job in Mainz and getting text updates from an increasingly bemused (and inebriated) friend back home. Time flies...

Life with a minimum of 40 years apparently

Ooo!