Meenzer

I have to admit this is a thoroughly rare case of the Germans getting it right. Hell, when I visited my company's office in Offenbach the other week they were busy testing out their third coffee machine in as many weeks to see which one was best. Proper café-style bean-cruncher and all. Mine's a gnarly little Bosch number.

You can always use instant Kahlua if you can't be bothered to mix yourself a proper cocktail.

Can't bring myself to watch it, but I'm sure my mate Eddie will be creaming himself in anticipation. This is just one wall of his living room: Boys.

At least with microwave meals you can, I don't know, add seasoning or something to try and make them taste at least vaguely like what they're meant to resemble. Bloody coffee snob and proud of it.

Why would you?

That's proper rubbish, that. Hope you move onwards and upwards (though young Brock's eggnog/urination plan sounds like a fine intermediate measure).

Well take it out again, you don't know where it's been.

If it was karma you would be dead tbh What's he done to deserve that?! Ridiculed J69 on an internet message board, obviously. And made him cry by the looks of it. If there was karma you'd be getting the 72 virgins treatment for that alone, to be honest

Happy birthday mate

They must do, they employed me. King Street, yep. Nice enough place actually, didn't seem too pricey for what it was (given that it was a Christmas menu and all).

I meant to mention, I had my first proper experience of that glorious city recently (office Christmas bash). Didn't get stabbed or anything. Missing out tbh. Where did you go? Some semi-poncey French place called... erm, French Living I think, rather disappointingly. It's a bistro attached to a café/food shop, hence the somewhat ordinary name. It's on one of those streets off Market Square (which I realise really narrows it down). Oh, and on to some pub afterwards that merits the following description on beerintheevening: "A theme pub. That is assuming you consider 'slow, lingering, agonising death' to be a theme." Looking at it like that, I'm not convinced it was worth the trip up from London really, general brown-nosing aside...

Howay, that's harsh

Aha! Glad they got the fella. I'm sure he's far from the only one, but if it makes a few people wind their neck in next time then all the better.

I meant to mention, I had my first proper experience of that glorious city recently (office Christmas bash). Didn't get stabbed or anything. The centre seemed perfectly OK actually, but then it was a weeknight...

Shame "double wanker" doesn't scan.

It's not a hard song to sing young meenzer. Just tear the neck off the cheapest bottle of scotch you can find and smoke for the duration of the performance but never actually removing the fag from your mouth. I said Nick Cave, not Tom Waits... Now that'd do it. Depends if it's before or after the speeches I guess... Fortunately I have a friend who can do the song justice, though. His voice already sounds thoroughly fucked-up without any of the actual drugginess - a gift indeed.

Might be my mind playing tricks on me, but was it you who said you'd had trouble with a bloke near you at SJP going off on a racist rant recently? And if so, it wasn't this numpty, was it? http://icnewcastle.icnetwork.co.uk/chronic...-name_page.html

I've been asked to play piano on a performance of "Into My Arms" at a friend's wedding next year. Well, they originally asked me to sing it too, but fuck that.

I've raided the shelves of the gay section at Lewisham Library again - well, it's actually a trolley that they keep moving around. Social exclusion-tastic! - so I'll be ploughing my way through Colm Tóibín's The Story Of The Night and Felice Picano's The Book Of Lies over Christmas. Picked up Nick Cave's novel too, looked like it might be worth a look.

Anyone want to offer odds on the first Yank (or Aussie) to make a stereotypical and, mercifully, largely out-of-date comment on British beer temperatures?

Meanwhile, Wycombe are 1 up at Charlton...

And then imagine being Sian Lloyd...

So that's what they mean by their "sizeable gay following".

With a foreign lass no less.