Meenzer

Stood me up an' arl.

I know, I felt so sorry for that French lass! And it's not often you get to say something like that... I normally like Wogan but he was even more out of it than usual last night. Unless his brief was "Make Fearne Cotton look professional", in which case he almost succeeded...

Travel the world, stop going to the gym, brazenly chat up lads who are clearly out of my league, set up a 24-hour delivery hotline from the Kettle Chips factory straight to my front door... actually, those sound like pretty decent life tips generally.

Sorry, didn't mean to sound catty or anything. Between Eurovision and Charlton, it's been a rough weekend.

The pic above, I meant, not the original publicity shot.

Blatant fake, anyway.

I am so spectacularly ashamed.

Not like a raving Eurovision homo to say that! What's up with it? It's full of typical BBC cast-offs - people who used to be in boy bands, people who used to be in girl groups, people who used to be in shit "glam" rock bands... and some French lass. Basically everyone not quite averagely famous enough to be allowed onto Comic Relief last night. Of course, I'll be watching intently. Chinese takeaway and lashings of beer required though.

Seriously though, don't go anywhere near it. It smells very, very bad.

Canny, but couldn't the fella have explained it in 10-15 words? Seems a lot of effort to go to

England shite/again

Counting down the nanoseconds as we speak. All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no flicking Smooth Operator's Subbuteo makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy All work and no play makes Meenzer a dull boy...

Good call

And we didn't even have to score to keep things exciting.

Surely that's right though?

Commentators managed to spot that one better than they did repeated showings of Chimbonda's petulant kick last night anyway.

Have already finished my week's work due to some serious caffeine-fuelled translation mayhem, so tomorrow will just be a leisurely read-through before sending it off at 5pm. Don't tell my office though.

gravityswitch - Anjelina

Throughout the game.

Fixed your post.

Is he hung like a Chinese you?

I get the impression you think I'm a uber self-rightous ex-smoker though, which is a load of bollocks really - I just like arguing on internet message boards . You do get these people though, I agree. Once the pub ban comes in they will be lobbying for people not to smoke in open public places, and once that happens it will be an outright ban on smoking. Fuck knows what ASH will do once they achieve that, they'll probably focus on alcohol. after a lifetime of being anti -smoking I'm begiining to think we're almost there in the UK If people want to smoke in private at home that's their business, liek palying russian roulette - as long as it doesn't harm anyone else it's OK by me What about exposing kids to the fumes though? Just another way in which the accident of birth can lumber you with parents who damage you one way or another, I suppose, albeit one that's theoretically slightly easier to regulate than most...

No risk of that if you spend most of your time in the Middle East I suppose.

Buffalo Tom - Going Underground

Cockney wank Well, I suppose it's more complimentary than the truth. That's it, no presents for you from Japan. Hang on, I'm a bit far north to be Cockney aren't I? I'm closer to Watford than I am to London. Everyone from the south-east is a Cockney, same as those cheeky folks from Middlesbrough are Geordies through and through.