Howmanheyman

We had an opportunity to kick on after the strides taken last year. As a club we declined to take that opportunity, not for the first time gambles were taken and haven't paid off, injuries, suspensions and loss of form coupled with the European campaign are karma's way of saying 'told you so!' Don't think there's too much to add to be fair, CT. We will not be relegated nethertheless it's a disappointing season ahead. That's how it's going to be in this current climate and with our owner at the helm, don't like it? 'Taff fahckin' titties moi ahld sahn!' as Comcal Dekka would probably say off air in front of a cardboard wall decorated with loads of Wonga logo's.

It's 'placca', not 'placcy'. /ubergeordie

Superintendant Plod: "So PC Plod, we can't thank you enough for sacrificing your love of the job and losing four days patrolling the 'Jasmine Allen' estate to spend 48 hours travelling on a plane ogling the air stewardesses, fitting as many sexual innuendo comments to said trolley dolly as you can, making fart noises on your arms, drinking complimentary coffee and enjoying the comforts of a nice Aussie hotel." PC Plod: "Someone has to do it, Sir!"

I loved 'peek-a-boo'.

'Swatting those charlies with it'

Let's hope it's just a quick phone call rather than two police officers getting a two day skive.

I've never really been into buying albums much but I did buy 2 Cranberries albums as well as Portishead's 'dummy', in the nineties. Also got blur's album which I thought was quite shit/ordinary at the time. Anyone getting too much into music when I was a teenager in the mid-late eighties were suspected of being a puff round wor way. (Yes it was that sad and no doubt I've missed out on some decent music but I've got to say, when it comes to these sort of lists there's a bit of the 'emperors new clothes' syndrome goes on).

Following on from that, nobody can take 'Father Abraham and the Smurfs' out of my seventies list.

Noted and will be used later on with some editing.

Snap! (apart from the GCSE bit) Went there in 1992 by bus for my first lads holiday. (Fucking nightmare journey when you cannot kip on a bus).

'Teachers' and it's my Mam who's Irish, he's Byker.

Fucking good job I never mentioned 'Ladyboys of Thailand' then!

I bought my Dad a jigsaw puzzle and a bottle of whiskey.

Was an old joke with an ex-workmate.

Puts our 43k against Wigan on a monday night televised match into perspective, Tom! Poor 'Daddy's cock', he'll be fuming, pacing up and down his bedroom before getting the lingerie section of the Littlewoods catalogue out and getting all cosy with Rosy Palm and her five daughters.

DON'T put 'Chicks with dicks' in either!

Seriously, never heard of 90% of these bands let alone heard their music.

Well I'm helping wife and girls put up the tree and decorations, there's a Christmas CD on, I'm having pint number one and having a little laugh at your story and then a man found dead in a derelict building last week comes into it. Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Monkey's Fist, pictured yesterday. (Top tip, DON'T put 'white leotard' in google images).

Did Bruce not twat these 3-0? God bless MoN and his SAFC tattoo on his arse/arm (delete as applicable).

There's inconvenient erections and then there's MF's inconvenient leotard erection story. Poor fucker !

Was your walk of shame less embarrassing than the shame of getting a stotter on whilst wearing a homo-erotic white leotard with the gymnastic boys, MF?

"There'll be some weather tomorrow, some more the day after and all through next week."

Don't think too much of the new Jimmy Savile Advent calender to be honest. The only flaps that open are 12-16.