Howmanheyman

I'm actually reading Nevin's book autobiography at the minute, how the fuck did he end up at Chelsea? He must be the absolute antithesis of a Chelsea fan, especially then? Comes across as a good egg anyway on the radio and the book backs that up.

"my XL top was really tight......and I'm not a fat mag." I consider myself a bit of a fat mag at the minute but I can still get into half my medium shirts no bother. Maybe that survey thing that had their supporters statistically fatter than us might've been on to something but I'm sure quite a few of their fanbase won't be too keen on experts? #shirtsizesmeanshirtsizes

"How very dare you Alexander. It's Seaton Sluice, near the Delavals, don't you know?"

Aye, my job's not as physical as it used to be. Plus once the spirit of Sutcliffe is in your system, I'm sure there's a hammer close by as an assistant.

MF now eats Yorkie bars all day since he's driving artics, I'll have to start eating spinach to have any hope?

Albert's either shuttled off this mortal coil or been sacked from his marketing/social media role.

Are you looking for a fight? (I'llook this way, you look the other way, one of us will hit lucky).

Starting a match thread for another team? Mackem like behaviour.

Great signing.

"Hello, this is the operator speaking, I'm just putting your joke back through to 1982. Thank you for calling."

There's been times when just a tabloid, made-up NUFC rumour has the sports media leading with stories of clubs and/or the PL either contemplating or actually making up new rules to prevent us from supposedly doing something yet shit like Chelsea pull just seems to fly without a peep being said? I mean, even if you disregard the official response, why do the usual sports media shit stirrers not have any kind of opinion on it?

I think it was mine but I'm not 100% sure? I definitely recognise it.

I'm sure I did it ages ago taking the piss out of them writing to all and sundry to object to the takeover? I reckon whoever does that account must've seen it and kept it? (No problem if he did?)

I'm positive I did that on here or maybe it was on twitter?

I hope Bridget has time for her constituents now she's a minister in the government....

"Ah, marras, with zis classiness you are spoiling us!"

NUFC official statement 'Newcastle United would like to put on record their thanks to Amanda Staveley and Mehrdad Ghoudousi for their input into the club. If any fans are upset, particularly in the boldon area, our doctor has recommended drinking alcohol and listening to 'A different corner' by George Michael and just letting it all out.'

It's either that or their normal alternative.... "You fucking what, mate?"

I'll get back to this thread in a minute, I'm just taking my chance to win £30,000 of cash and a chance to win a ticket for the final by phoning 0898 4242 1966 on ITV's premium number phone line. It doesn't get any better than this!

I fancied England pre-KO and they're doing ok but despite what J69 says that's never a penalty as long as I've got a hole in my arse.

You're in good company......

Gabriel Clarke's patter is very Nicholas Witchell-esque in his England ITV reports.