Howmanheyman

I can't bear listening to him and his co-commentators on TNT but he's to be applauded for that little speech.

Thinking of applying to labour for a job if that's the competition?

We also had similar grief with the DWP and pip. Absolute lying, (proven lying) cunts who couldn't even be arsed to show up when it eventually went to an independent tribunal just the six very stressful months later.

An southern Englishman is living in Ireland and whenever he hears about 'the little people' and other such tales he politely smiles but grimaces a bit inside. One day he sees an advert in his local paper offering a talking dog for sale, price €20 to a good home. The Englishman shakes his head then sees the address is just around the corner. Smiling to himself he thinks he'll pop along as he's not busy and call the seller's bluff. He knocks on the door and asks if this is the right address for the talking dog. Irishman: "Yes it certainly is, sir, he's in the backyard." The Irishman takes him to a pokey backyard with a small kennel and a bored looking dog just lying there. The Englishman smiles and addresses the dog.... Englishman: "So you must be the talking dog I've heard about?" Straight away the dog looks up and says, "Aye, that's me, mate.' Flabbergasted the man looks around for trick microphones but doesn't see any. The Irishman says he'll leave him for ten minutes so he can chat privately with the dog. Englishman: "How the hell did you learn to talk?" The dog replies, "Well, I've no idea really, I must've just picked it up as a pup listening to my owners. Englishman: "What did your owners think?" Dog: "Well they were a bit unsure what to do so took me to the Garda for their opinion. The Garda offered to take me off their hands and look after and train me so I ended up working at Dublin airport, eavesdropping on potential terrorists and drug smugglers and letting the garda know." Englishman: "That's amazing!" Dog: "One day my handler said that the CIA had heard about me and paid the Garda four million dollars for my services so I ended up in the whitehouse and Camp David just moping around like a regular dog but eavesdropping on any foreign diplomats like the Russians. Obviously they taught me the language so I spoke fluent russian as well as English. They'd let their guard down and chat about their plans and intentions and I'd tell my CIA handler at a daily debrief." Englishman: "Wow, that's amazing!" Dog: "It was a pretty good life I have to say, they bought me an amazing condo kennel with a little pool outside, I ended up hooking up with a showbusiness dog who was playing lassie and I had the best grub you could eat." Englishman: "So what are you doing here?" Dog: "Ah, you know how it is, I got a bit bored and homesick so after a couple of years of good service they arranged for me to come back home. The man who lives here picked me up at the Dublin cat and dog shelter." At that moment the man came back in the yard and the Englishman can't help himself.. Englishman: "Good god, man! Why on earth are you selling a dog like this for only €20?!" The Irishman replies, "Sure he's a lying cunt, he never did any of that shit."

KRYP "Steve, calm down son, calm down. If you need some patter for an introduction video ah'll do it for you, consider it a favour for all those 'raring to go/do it for the fans/bleed black and white/aah hate sunlin, me like' pieces we did together back in the day. Divvent fret though, aa'll not mention you getting sparked by Andy Carroll. Lol."

Scary spice hasn't aged well....

They'll serve EVERYTHING.

"Get the architect to set up an anonymous twitter account and put a slightly cartoon version of the planned new Tyne stadium to slowly acclimatise everyone for it. Tell him not to include anything to do with the super ocean liner next to it which will be a bar as a nod to the tuxedo princess as we want that to be a surprise." (You heard it here first!!)

Sorry to hear about your loss. 😔

Fletch and Mcmanaman. It just doesn't get any better than that. (The Madrid and Manchester players are decent as well).

My new job ❌ Job hunting ✅

By a very strange coincidence I saw an old looking Russ Williams, once a DJ of metro radio on one of those fan YouTube videos this afternoon, (Tottenham fan).

Me and the missus smiling listening to that YouTube link.

Where am I going to whip out my wotsit, now?

Le Tissier......

The batsman's Holding, the bowler's coffin.

Howay lads, someone's died for Christ sake, it's just not cricket.

It's an old joke but I can't quite remember how the punchline ended? Either that or it's a scene from pornhub and I'm getting confused? 🤔

A poor husband is married to the local dragon, not one thing he ever does is good enough, he even has to blob to earn extra cash to pay for a cleaner as his wife can't be arsed to do anything strenuous or beneath her dignity. She hires a cleaner to come around and the cleaner is a young, blonde Ukrainian lass. One day the wife comes back from shopping early to find her husband balls deep in the cleaner, 'What the fuck is going on here!' the wife shouts. The bloke says he was just helping the young lass out. 'helping her out?!' the wife exclaims. The bloke tries to explain, 'Those expensive shoes I bought you that were lying around because you said you'd went off them, well Anya said they were lovely and she wished she could afford a pair like them so I gave them to her rather than throw them out like you asked me to. She was so grateful, she asked if there was anything else you didn't want so I gave her that lingerie set I bought you that you said was too tight and didn't go with anything else you had. She asked to try it on and was in tears when it fitted her perfectly and I said she was welcome to have it. She hugged me tight thanking me and asked if there was anything else my wife had that she didn't have a use for anymore? And it was at that exact point she noticed my erection."

That easy, local girl is hopefully just down the road, what a break seeing that information.

Honestly wish one of those villa players had responded with a quizzical look and asked the reporter whether they would've asked an arsenal player a similar question about villa bouncing back in their CL push if the arsenal forevah and evah* had won the game instead? *Didn't hear that at the end of the match nor the poncey sound of the crowd joining in with their shit, made up song.

Drury doing Neville's podcast talks about the arsenal game, the title run in, also Liverpool before briefly discussing man city and a possible treble again before just having time to squeeze in our match against spurs and what it does for their CL chances and our European chances...... Just kidding, he squeezed in a quick discussion about Man United at Bournemouth.

Let's see if Neville has the arse to call Liverpool and arsenal bottle jobs?