Howmanheyman

'recommend me a recipe.' (Fuck no, CT!!!!)

A drunken Geordie trying to shout praise to Nicos Papavassolou but giving up after two aborted attempts at pronouncing his name. Also getting beat virtually every time we took over 7,000 fans away. Glorious failure or something like that.

Who's else has been comfortably beating Southampton this season? We're at home which is great but we're without Cabaye who's looking back to form. I was impressed with these last year and they've improved since. This will be a tough game and if we aren't on our toes we'll regret it. I expect a close game with the odd goal deciding it.

Wouldn't mind watching that, there's not enough stuff on the box about Man U iyam.

I work in manufacturing. What's a Christmas party?

Happy Birthday, Noelie!

Aeris: "Write the best OP match thread in the World or I'll eat your soul." Fish: "ok." Newcastle vs Southampton Newcastle United host Southampton as the last game before the Xmas run of 5 games in 3 weeks. Palace, Stoke, Arsenal, West Brom and Cardiff. Now I know the merits/futility of comparing blocks of fixtures; however when you look at the team we have available and the form of the teams we are to face, you could very well see us stepping into the Transfer Window comfortably in the top 6. West Brom, Southampton and of course Arsenal are the toughest tests, fortunately the latter two (the tougher) are home games, the other three are all very winnable. We will be without Cabaye and Debuchy will which likely see a return for Anita & Mbiwa respectively. Southampton will be without the influential Schneiderlin, Wanyama, Boruc and Clyne. Gazzaniga is as big a step down from Boruc as Elliott is from Krul and while Cork and Ward-Prowse are doing ok, they too are a significant drop in quality from Schneiderlin and Wanyama. I doubt they’ve the physicality to match Sissoko and Tiote and we should really look to bully the centre of the pitch as we did so well against Man U’s powder puff midfield. Lallana is without a doubt their danger man and must be starved of the ball if we’re to get a clean sheet. Osvaldo (scored an absolute worldy) isn’t likely to dominate our centre halves like Benteke or Lukaku can, nor pull them around like Suarez or Long will. So stopping Lallana is a must. I think Remy and Gouffran should start, though I’d probably give Ben Arfa a good 30 minutes or so at least. Shaw is a cracking attacking left back, but I think he and Chambers’ inexperience can be exposed if they face mobile, skilful players. Ameobi should regain his place, as Lovren and Fonte would bully Remy (or Cisse) out of the game and I think , while dropping him for Man U was the right decision, Shola at home is a different beast (emphasis on beast). Away from home, most of their attacks come down the right so I’d definitely have initially gone for Gouffran and Santon on that side, however, with Mbiwa taking the right back position in Debuchy’s likely absence, I’d be tempted to give him the added protection against Shaw and Rodriguez instead. My concern is the Cabaye shaped hole. He isn’t just the player with the most assists, he provides the competence through which we turn defence into controlled possession and then into attack. Anita is tidy, Tiote can be a destructive force and Sissoko is a machine. None of them have Yohan’s guile, his subtle invention or simply his range of passing. I expect us to go long much more than we have been. They’re on a run of one win in 6, and while that one victory came at home to Hull, they have met 3 of the top 4, and the losses haven’t been convincing, so I’d not put too much stock in their recent results. We’ve been impressive at home (4 wins from 6) and they’ve been shaky away (1 win & 3 losses from 6), but I still have concerns about this game. We’re just too unpredictable, they’re well organised, well drilled at set pieces and in Lallana, they’ve a real game changer. We’re missing our lodestone. 2-2

No, this is a tribute.

FYP Tough game I think, I wouldn't be too disappointed with a draw if I'm honest, especially with Cabaye missing and it being after The Lord Mayor's show.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2522636/Strip-storm-adidas-stops-Ashleys-Sports-Direct-selling-Chelsea-kit-season.html

Interesting read, Stevie. Modern football can be great at times but people like Ashley and the jokers at Cardiff and Hull are cancers of the game in my opinion, back in the day they said football violence was the cancer and they largely helped to eradicate it by taking full advantage of a tragedy and putting laws into place which meant surveillence was easier, control was easier but above all, the pay on the day punter wasn't going to find it as easy to get to games anymore, there would be no more congregations of mobs of fans who would be bolshy, the demographic of the football supporter was altered for at least a generation which was a result for a lot of people apart from those who it affected. Now jokers like Alan Pardew and Steve Bruce tell fans stuff like 'They'll have to get used to it' regarding historic name changes. No. No they don't have to do fucking anything, Bagpuss. I'd love it if their owner called Pat Butcher in his office and demanded he change his name to Tony Tiger to help the brand of Hull City. I'd be the first to tell Bruce he'll just have to accept it as it sounds Grrrreat! Some fans will eat this shit up and it's a free World but like yourself, I believe any Mag with praise for Ashley to be a cunt who will be first against the wall come The revolution. On a slightly unrelated note, there's a show you were on, Hawksbee and Jacobs. I've had it on the last two days going to work. The Chelsea one I have long suspected of being a little bit of a twat, certainly his attitude towards our support when KK was appointed by the Devil after Hippoheed was sacked was sneering to put it mildly. Anyway, last two days he's been taking the piss out of the Europa Cup, 'Most pointless competition ever' according to twat features. But today he went even further, 'Wow! we've won the Europa cup!' "I said to those around me in a sarcastic voice" as the final whistle went. What a fucking wanker. That club just do not deserve most of those trophies that the Russian got for them. I bet the 13,000 who were at Stamford Bridge the saturday after we played them in the cup for a Premier League game would've snatched your fucking hand off for a UEFA cup win. Twat features probably wasn't there. Anyway, nice to see Mike doing a great job with SportsDirect, it can only be good news for NUFC. #

"Hi, I'm a Mag who owns a shop in Newcastle which sells stuff, (probably on credit). Me and my marras got the Metro installed in Tyneside only by putting a brown envelope stuffed with fives and tens and giving it to Mag sympathiser, Jimmy Hill to pass on to Downing Street."

Some of their Mag facts are so off the charts of realism that I wonder if it's a Mackem version of CT with the copious accidently-on-purpose spelling mistakes.

"Oy vey!! Again with the asda jokes?!"

Who knows? They could judge each case on its own merits, surely?

"Hi, I'm Jimmy Hill and I personally relegated Sunderland AFC in the late seventies despite not kicking a ball by the cunning plan of finishing my game ten minutes later than the Wearsiders. Sunderland lost 2-0 where my team Coventry drew with Bristol City. If Sunderland had've won they'd have stayed up regardless. Proof that I did indeed personally relegate them." "Hi, I'm Alan Parry, a long time football commentator from Liverpool. I started my professional career at BBC Radio Merseyside and am in fact a Liverpool supporter, however I personally ask to commentate on all Newcastle United games as I love to big them up on live television talking about their fifty thousand fans in a manner I would never contemplate doing on the occasions I have to commentate on Sunderland. Despite being a Scouse Liverpool FC fan I am obviously a secret Mag." "Hi, I'm a mysterious Tyneside businessman who, along with a cabal of other Tyneside businessmen, have deliberately plotted to have all major commerce and transport links diverted away from Wearside and instead move them to Tyneside to keep Sunderland down as an unimportant town whilst increasing Tyneside's importance."

Hull City's owner has formally applied to the FA to change the club's name to Hull Tigers after already changing the company name but needs FA permission to change the clubs playing name. Easy peasy then, the FA just refuse him on the grounds of, well, common sense and a decency to the vast majority of interested parties who think this is one step too far. If they play ball with the owner they have no right to claim to be custodians of English football in my opinion.

Worst decisions ever involving Sunderland? How about Larssen, (I think that's who it was, they all look the same), brilliantly tipping the ball over the crossbar to save a goal in a derby and the ref not noticing that he wasn't the actual designated goalkeeper but in fact just a midfielder with the same shirt as the rest of the outfield players?

There's fuck all of note in the nationals as it is about our club, why are they going to pay for the privilege to have the choice of ignoring us?

It's like Ted and Ralph with a twist, this like.

Post a pic of yourself with a placard saying 'I'm not the fucking Gardener, honest' or send £50 to charity.

Think this is an unintentionally good move, just showcases Mike and friends for the cunts they are and gives the nationals a nudge to look more closely at NUFC under this regime rather writing about England and Moyes/Man U ad nauseam.

Not for the first time, your sentences make absolutely no sense at all.