Howmanheyman

Why do you want an appraisal? Why are YOU sending stuff to HIM? Let him get on with it, if he doesn't, buck stops with him, not you.

Three blokes in a bar talking about playing instruments, octopus overhears them and starts to brag about how he can play any instrument ever invented. Englishman spots a piano in the corner and tries to call the octopuses bluff, 'Play that piano, clever shite', he says. Octopus goes over and is shit hot on it. Irishman spots electric guitar hanging on the wall. 'Let's see if you can play that guitar, big head', he says. Octopus goes over, takes it off the wall, plays it and is shit hot on it. Scotsman says, 'You'll never be able to play this', then gets his bagpipes out to show the octopus. The octopus just sits staring at the bagpipes mouth wide open in awe. 'Aye, told ye you couldna play that'. Octopus replied, 'Play it? When I get its tartan jarmies off I'm going to fucking ride the arse off it!'

Jokes as well? Is there no beginning to their talents?

I'd give it a bash but I haven't got netflix.

He gets bashed/ridiculed because he talks shit on a regular basis, he arse-licks his boss, he accepts his lot and goes back for second helpings and generally makes it very easy to mock him and that's without bringing the football side into it. He's the first manager in almost a century to lost three derbies in a row (and lose two of them spectacularly), he's the master of the heavy defeat including our heaviest home defeat since the twenties and is complicit in our early cup exits to inferior opposition. Taking the piss out of him isn't 'fashionable' mate, it should be fucking compulsory.

".....and it's the Dutch keeper who famously kept out Palermo on his debut in a 'crazy' night in Sicily, rolls it out to the lad from Whitley Bay who was shot by a sniper as he gave away a penalty, he then hits it forward towards the man from Holland etc....."

Watched the first episode of an Italian series based on a Mafia chief in Sicily starting as a young'un just after the War. Will definitely be watching again, it's called 'Corleone' and it's on the box set of Sky. (Also noticed 'Cracker' is on there so watched a couple of them last night.

Nah, CT is TT's fisherman. Should change his name to Peter.

CT's banned.

Even those banned from N-O? (I can think of least three on here).

The BBC are twisting his melon, man.

BBC reporter to passenger, "did you see the RAF typhoons?" Passenger, "No I was asleep."

"Those new floodlights, let me tell you, there's wan or two clabs in ther champions league who'd be a wee bit envious of those. I know our fans here are going to lahve 'em. It's a real testament to Mike that he's still enthused enough to go out and put this clab on ther map and our fans have literally, if you pardon my little pun here, the brightest future in the Premier League."

Bless.

After brain surgery the absolute last thing you need is watching the Toon whether live, in a bar or on an i-pad! "Well he seemed ok after the first couple of days but then he started to watch the match on Gemmill's i-pad, soon his face started twitching, he started swearing profusely and he went red when Alan Pardew put Obertan and Dummett on after only twenty minutes as Newcastle took a 16th minute lead and he wanted to hold onto a win for Mike."

(Sorry, I mean.......)

CT and/or Wolfy set out their bait and are pretty good at catching a Toontastic Fish to be fair to them.

I'm guessing it's three weeks off but go with the muscle gain theory if that's your hunch.

Many happy returns

Stop being so lazy, DK. They're nothing alike. Sterling is into R&B and soul music whereas Rolando is a serious punk fanatic.

The season is two weeks away, surely he should be trying to get his new players to get game time with the rest of the most likely set of players who will start most games? For fitness and to get used to each other?

Hope it goes as well as possible, Stevie. (just read Ken's posts. What the fuck is he on over there?)

Last night by all accounts.

"Look at Jewishvoice.org." "What's the matter with him? He says the Jews are scrounging." "Oh, uhh, no, the point is the Jews. They do all right. Don't they?" " Well, good luck to 'em." "Okay, and you're much more important than they are, right? So, what are you worrying about? There you are. See?" "I'm worrying about what you have got against Jews." "I haven't got anything against the Jews. Consider the lilies" "He's having a go at the flowers now. Oh, give the flowers a chance." "Ohh. Look. There was this exodus, and it happened in Biblical times." "When did this happen, exactly? Where did you find this out?" "I don't know. And they were lead to the promised land." "You don't know?!" "Well, it doesn't matter!" "He doesn't know if it happened!" "Oh, it happened in 1200 BC. Now....." "Oh! You said you didn't know!" "It really doesn't matter. The point is there was this Jewish biblical exodus....." "He's making it up as he goes along." "No, I'm not! ...And he took them through Egyp-- Wait a minute. Was it through Palestine?" "Ohh. Oh, he's terrible! He's terrible." "Look! Just FUCK OFF!"

It's not photoshopped, that is a representation of what is thought to be an early man based on fossils.