Howmanheyman

Quite right. It's a rounders bat.

You keep a baseball bat by your bed?

Going for £19.99 in a sale if you're quick. (They don't have any left in my size. For some reason traditional 'medium' 38"-40" is described as 'small' on there.) http://www.toffs.com/newcastle-united-19801982-away-retro-football-shirt

I was just refering to the times on here when Fish has asked to go out with Meenzer somewhere but never got an answer or got the 'washing his hair' excuse.

What a horrible, atrocious picture. And these fuckers are or wanting to run our country? I'd have have let them dress up, stare dreamily into space for their Spandau Ballet pose then put them against the wall ready for a hail of bullets. It would've been for the best.

Had a view of hall 1 in the Sage. Impressive. In fact the view from it across the Tyne just puts into perspective what we have up here.

Nah, Turkish Delight is full of Eastern promise. Fish is full of Meenzer's broken promises.

The Wife fancies going there, the menu seems canny enough but am slightly put off with it being a chain. I might give it a go next time we're out that way for some scran.

Had a look round the Sage for the first time then strolled over the bridge and had some tapas in 'La Tasca'. It isn't as good as 'El Coto' obviously but it did have a 'kids eat and drink free' as well as having some lovely churros with choc sauce, strawberries and marshmallows gratis for the little'uns. Nice casual three hours to pass this afternoon. (Just gutted we didn't bump into CT!)

"Hello! I am the H21000 talking scales unit. I tell you your weight. Insert 50p and step right on me!" "Aha, what have we ere? Hmmnn, lets see ow much I am weighing." "Fucksakegetoff me you fat bastaaaard!!!" "Ah, merde!! Eet spoke in Anglais too fast! I'm sure eet said something like eight stone four but I'm not sure."

Unbelievable. (and it isn't the first it's happened, is it?) To be fair to UEFA, they must have been under enormous pressure from the likes of Bayern, Barcelona, Real Madrid etc to allow Celtic back in order to benefit from a potential money spinning tie with the Scottish giants.

It definitely screams out 'football league' strip. When I was a kid in the eighties, I always wanted us to have adidas as our kit supplier as they more often than not made good kits, now I'd just be happy having umbro back as even adidas kits aren't that great and puma seem to think we're not an important enough club to stop them from experimenting with our kit.

It looks worse on the players than the pics of the shirt by itself. Awful.

Love it if they gave him somewhere like Merseyside, Tyneside, Wearside etc as his seat to fight for.

Where's that young Celtic kid? Where the fuck is he? Let's be having you!!

At 21.04 UK time it'll be 12 years to the day I became a Dad for the first time. It's flown yet seems a lifetime ago all at the same time.

They're spot on about Ryder though.

Apparently we are now officially seething. This Rodwell kid and SAFC's signing of him has measured about 0.001 on my richter scale is the correct answer.

I recently had an appraisal, the first one I've had in years with a shift manager from an opposite shift. To say it was a joke would be an understatement.

Aye, he's real funny. Proof if it was needed where the majority of this countries media bread is buttered.

Are you not doing your job? If you want to improve do you not put in for a promotion or transfer? Do you you have separate individual pay rises?

I don't live in London so maybe I'm missing something but wtf is the fascination with this Tory knacker?

Why do you want an appraisal? Why are YOU sending stuff to HIM? Let him get on with it, if he doesn't, buck stops with him, not you.

Three blokes in a bar talking about playing instruments, octopus overhears them and starts to brag about how he can play any instrument ever invented. Englishman spots a piano in the corner and tries to call the octopuses bluff, 'Play that piano, clever shite', he says. Octopus goes over and is shit hot on it. Irishman spots electric guitar hanging on the wall. 'Let's see if you can play that guitar, big head', he says. Octopus goes over, takes it off the wall, plays it and is shit hot on it. Scotsman says, 'You'll never be able to play this', then gets his bagpipes out to show the octopus. The octopus just sits staring at the bagpipes mouth wide open in awe. 'Aye, told ye you couldna play that'. Octopus replied, 'Play it? When I get its tartan jarmies off I'm going to fucking ride the arse off it!'

Jokes as well? Is there no beginning to their talents?