Howmanheyman

I had an unfortunate incident last time I was in offshore about three years ago.

He's fucking ruined it now. Damn him and his bravado smoking jackets.

He needs to stop colouring his hair, it looks ridiculous, (or rediculous if you're CT).

David Pleat had a few very loud renditions of 'David Pleat, David Pleat, what's it like to pay for sex?' sung to him by our fans in a cup game on national tv a few years ago. Think it probably still rankles a bit with him.

Unlike a certain poster I don't take photographs of my dinner prior to eating it. I like my food hot for a start.

He was no John Kay, Marra.

Some positive aspects to yesterday, no doubt, liked Colback, thought Janmaat showed promise defending, but we still have Pards, Obertan, Dummett, still need a CB and still need a striker, (zero shots on target, people). Would like to have seen De Jong yesterday so looking forward to him hopefully making the Villa game.

Didn't have the balls to make CT's 'British Rail' ham sandwich, made a fucking monster roast beef dinner yesterday instead with the best value beef I've ever bought. 1.8kgs, hardly any fat on it reduced to £5.50. All the veg was lush as well as my Yorkie puds.

By the way, early on Charlie Nicholas didn't seem to impressed with our new signings in particular noting we'd took on De Jong even though he didn't set the place alight last year.

Are they going to mention Swansea?

Missed their game but think I'll listen to BT's post mortem, they sound gutted a bit like last year when we beat them.

Pleased it seems to have went well, Melonheed Stevie.

I thought that was the nurses job? (Or was your mate not with Bupa?)

His craic would make an onion cry.

I took my girls to the Cardiff cup game last season, when we were getting beat and we had a free kick and he was doing his starjump routine in front of their keeper I honestly felt like going on the pitch and saying something to him along the lines of, oh I don't know, sort of, "What are you fucking doing, man, you utter fucking bell end, you're an idiot. Nobodies fooled." You know, something like that.

He'll probably come out of his op speaking with an accent from the West Indies, mon.

A bit like me listening to his commentating except I don't get as far as 30 mins.

I've got David Kelly's match worn shirt from around 1992-93, I can't sell it and wouldn't want to but I did want to see how much it worth so I e-mailed classic sshirts and they offered me £100 for it. You could do worse than get in touch with 'The Back Page' as they sell some player shirts and a similar one to mine was going for about £800-£900 last time I looked and that was a subs shirt, mine was number nine.

Phil had his phone on speed dial constant repeat as well.

Nice shoe she's got on there.

I saw my first derby at the Stade de Shite last season and after five away derbies unbeaten, seven if you include Ayresome Park as well, (I know, I know), I saw my record go. Fanks Mike/Pards!

Aye, Simon Jordan not only looks like a twat but also has the words to back it up.

Managed to get the 1986 silver shirt, (not grey), from toffs for £19.99.

Do you remember Sunderland away to Man City, Gene? 12,000 became 13,000 then went all the way up to 18,000? I was being the opposite and downplaying it as I wasn't there. (although I heard tales from people who were).