Howmanheyman

I don't get it. What has smoking a cigar like an Texan oil Baron got to do with those subtitles?

Was 1988 actually, October 9th. I only know the date as it's my sister's birthday.

Remember 'the corner' singing "if you're proud to be a geordie be deirdrie barlow" then hundreds of lads putting their hands to their heads frantically looking left and right shouting "Tracey! Tracey! " RIP Anne.

Poor Fish, all he wanted to do was come on and talk about his favourite football team. For shame you complete set of bastards, you.

Graham Carr watch out!

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/alan-shearer-foundation-ball-toon-8467794 http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/freddy-shepherd-backs-john-carver-8464090? The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 17/01/2015 Well diary, ah got a scoop from absolutely nowhere today, ah was heading into the East end of the City on my way to Wallsend to interview one of the coaches of Wallsend boys club about some of the professional footballers they have churned out on their production line when ah couldn’t hold me piss in ah was that bursting. Instead of going through the Byker by-pass ah turned left and went up Shields Road and parked just off it to go to the nearest boozer forra piss. Anyways after shaking the Ryder snake and zipping up in the Raby ah got asked if ah wanted any baccy by one of their clientele, ah refused but got asked the same thing by about three more people before ah’d left the premises and denied ah was a ‘bizzie’ by a further two punters. Ah got out unscathed but heard a commotion outside of the post office, apparently there was an old fashioned scrap going on between two pensioners! A right old battle was being had when ah recognised one of them as former Toon Supremo, one Frederick Shepherd! “Fucking seventy three years old y’bastaads and am still fighting me way to and from Byker” shouted the man who broke the World record transfer fee to sign Alan Shearer to his opponent, only instead of fighting to get to and from school he was fighting to get in the queue for his pension. Being the Trinity Mirror group regional sports writer of the year ah didn’t hang about waiting for an introduction, “Freddy! It’s Lee Ryder of the Chronicle. Who do you think should get the Managers job at the Toon?” Ah says, “Ah knaa you appointed Dalglish and Souness so would love your expert opinion.” The Byker Bulldog looked me up and down and said, “Where’s my bitch, Alan Oliver? He’s the one ah tell what to write. Who the fuck are you, you daft looking cunt?” Ah replied sharpish letting him know you couldn’t intimidate the former terrace Mag Ryder so easily, “Ah’m the main man at the Ronny now, Freddy, Oliver left Town a while back”. Freddy then spilled the beans about giving Geordie boy John Carver the St. James’ Park gig before telling me he was off to Alan Shearers charity do at the Gateshead Hilton. Quicker than a Peter Beardsley through ball ah was hot footing it back over to the swanky Tyneside hotel. Ah’d stopped off first in the Toon and hired a tuxedo and sneaked in the back entrance. As soon as ah got in ah couldn’t believe it, there was big Al with his family, there was former midfield dynamo Rob Lee, Freddy was there along with Robbie Savage and making a special appearance to perform some songs was X factor judge Gary Barlow! It was Savage who was the first person to speak to me, “A glass of Chardonnay for the Missus, Chief and I’ll have the Champagne.” He said. “Eh?” ah replies, he then asked if I was deaf and said he expected better service from the waiting staff before asking me if ah knew who he was? Ah made a sharp exit towards Shearer but ended up going through the wrong door into Barlow’s dressing room. “Who the fuck are you?” the Tory tax avoiding nineties singer asked me. “”Hi Gary, I’m Lee Ryder from the Newcastle Evening Chronicle. Can ah ask you a few questions?” Barlow replied, “No you cannot you fucking baldy Gimp, get the fuck out! How dare you!” Ah then told him how much ah admired his music and he relented and let me have three questions. Ah said, “Gary, who was your favourite football team?” He said “United” and ah bit me lip instead of smashing him in the mush as WE are the only United in these parts. Ah then asked who his favourite player was and he said Cantona. Me last question was “How did you cope when you and the rest of the lads from East17 split up?” He then got up and grabbed my neck and shouted that ah was a piss taking Geordie bastard before throwing me out. Ah decided to let him off as it was a charity event but he’s the first and last Manc who will try it on with the former Toon Army foot soldier. Ah decided to settle for Freddies crack as my main story for me loyal readers as security told me Alan was busy and they’d call the Police if ah didn’t leave. Obviously the security Goon was a Mackem and didn’t like me but you can’t have it all your way and Shepherd could tell his flock who the next Toon boss would be courtesy of the Knight Ryder. Laters.

Who does he play for?

Ambition? Planning to grow as a club? The kind of things we don't do under the man who bought our club.

Fanks mike.

We're still shit.

Shit once more from a flick on.

Why the punt up by krul?

Decent start, shit keeping.

0-2 Liverpool. Good goal from Lambert, through defenders legs edge of the box into bottom corner. A poor team versus an average team. Villa park must be the easiest place to win away in PL. It's almost like the fans who do bother to turn up, just sit and wait for the defeat.

Yep, was a bt thing. Phoned them up and told them it was in their interests to sort it out.

The good players have already had their fun and called it a day by your age. It's only the kids who never got picked who make hay when the cream retire.

Just watching villa and Liverpool at the min. Villa will go down, benteke looks shit and he's their main hope. Pundits are deluded when bigging Liverpool up. They're a million miles behind the top sides.

When you're king, you can afford to give teams a two goal start.

"Turf Moor is taff, trast me. It was freezing when we got ere, minus free centigrade and the guy showing us where to park was dressed up only wearing the Burnley kit."

Wait.......... not yet.......... it's coming.......... (It would probably be good for my back but the promo video and background music etc, ffs).

Coloccini looks a better player playing alongside Taylor, it's as simple as that really although that doesn't necessarily get our Captain off the hook with his odd shit performances.

Williamson just drags people down to his level, it could and and should be the other way round where he ups his game but we have a soft underbelly when we do concede. No surprise we have so many heavy defeats because apart from the Pardew factor we have had largely the same three players rotate the centre half position according to injuries/suspensions for the last four years.

They obviously didn't have enough 'hard working taxpayers' working there.

Good points. As long as he's selling Ashley to the Rangers fans then cares?