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Liverpool score and commentator turns into Jimmy Savile.

Fucking class goal by what's a Mata.

The commentators only comparison of Gerrard getting sent off in his last game v man u is Zidane getting sent off in the World Cup final. Aye, that's EXACTLY what I was thinking too.

Oh dear, someone at sky is either desperate or is taking the piss out of poor old 'Pards'.

Not even Stupid Pearce?

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/siem-de-jong-announces-back-8868481? The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 19/03/2015 Well diary, sometimes these so-called superstar footballers get a bit too big for their expensively sponsored boots, sometimes they get a bad press for being millionaire playboys who smoke cigars lighted by twenty pound notes. Sometimes. But today ah had the great pleasure of seeing Toon legends giving something back to the community when ah saw Coach Carvs, El Capo Colo and Jonas visiting some sick patients at the Royal Victoria Infirmary. Abouts ten bells this morning me phone rang and when ah picked it up it was me old mate, Cockeyed Mala on the other end. "How, Lee!" He said, "Guess who ah've just seen coming doon the ward?" Mala was a hospital porter in the RVI and ah first of all started to think that someone we knew must have been in a accident when he blurted out that the new head coach of the cathedral on the hill and his two Argie superstars were walking past him. Quicker than a Sir Bobby Robson anecdote from Coach Carver, ah was rund there like a shot. Ah followed the directions Mala gave iz and just hoped he hadn't got the 6 and 9 mixed up with his questionable vision and before long ended up on ward 69. Right enough there at the end of the ward was the three NUFC legends doing their bit to bring joy to ordinary punters who were in hospital and feeling very poorly. Ah'd already grabbed a Doctor's white coat and steffas, stephers, err, hearing thingy to put rund me neck as ah went past a cloak room and put me false glasses on and pretended to look at the patients details whilst secretly recording their encouraging craic to the poor cunt in the bed. Carvs started talking first, he gans, "Hey, chin up kidda Ah've brought Jonas and Colo to see you! Are you keeping well? You look really good!" Our coach politely lied to the poor looking wretch in the bed. The lad wanly smiled back but looked proper fucked, like. Jonas then piped up, "Hey, amigo, I beat thees cajones cancer, you can get better too! You must believe!" Again the skeletal patient smiled and slowly but painfully lifted his thump up to the Toon's super Spiderman hero. Next up our stupidly banned Argentinian Capitano decided to lead by example and said, "You get a bit better and you shall play with us on the saint Jaimies peetch." Ah'm a hard hearted reporter at times but ah nearly welled up at Colo promising the lad a run out with the team if he got better which was a lovely touch but as ah looked at the kid ah wondered how long he had left as he looked in a bad way. The lad took off his oxygen mask and whispered, "For shure, I feel like am getting better by the day, already I can breathe without it hurting." Ah thought he must be an asylum seeker as he didn't sound Geordie to me. Colo then said, "I heard Senor Charnally say that you would be like a new signing!" Carvs then jumped in, "Aye, that's right, Siem, Ah've been told by Lee Charnley to let the press know that you'll be a great lift to the team when you finally get fit again. A new signing is EXACTLY what you'll be like, bonny lad!" Siem!!! Fuck me! Ah looked at the kid then had a proper look at his hospital papers on the clip board ah was holding. Right enough, there it was at the top, his name, one Siem De Jong, once of Ajax of Amsterdam, now of the Royal Victoria Infirmary's first eleven! Ah got back to Thomson House HQ and then wrote up a report of Siem saying he was back in training and raring to go and reckoned he'd play again before the season finished! It was fantastic news for the Toon Army and ma loyal readers who, as always, got it straight from their main man, the trinity mirror group regional sports writer of the year, Lee Ryder esq. If it's about NUFC, Ryders got it covered! Lol. Laters.

FYP

The A team was fucking dire. Knight rider too. The programme about the super helicopter was a parcel as well. Oh, game of thrones is pretty crap while we're talking about it.

Not being funny, Stevie, my experience of stuff like this, I just hope you feel better after the memorial of your Dad. You've done your bit, you've been humbled by other peoples memories of your Dad/your families memories, and you've done him proud, mate. I've been to enough funerals where it's been a life affirming ceremony. Your Dad lives on as long as people share their memories/your memories of your Dad.

Oh, and :lol: while I remember.

I've been at work reading a bit of this thread so if I'm a few pages late, sorry. Dimps, me young mucker, can you tell me how things are going to be cushty darza for British workers under UKIP again? Can you tell me how a UKIP ran country, not in Europe would usher in new, strong trade unions to help the workers out? I do know that stuff like paid holidays and minimum wages were fought against by the Tories and I get the strange feeling that UKIP are a bit more to the right of politics than to the left. At least that's what I assume Farage meant when he said "I'm the only politician keeping the flame of Thatcherism alive". And we knew she was shit hot on good relations with trade unions don't we?

We should be done by the Fraud squad. How the fuck can we just toss off another season in Jan? Again? I hate what this fat cunt is doing to this club.

Sunderland fans! Here's a Che pic for you to alter into your next managers face before you get sick and sack him. No need for thanks.

I've got a pain in the arse, had it over 19 years now.

Sounds about right, could be worse, one of the players you didn't get has dwarfism, another elephantitus, (Anita and Obertan respectively).

CT would be so proud.

Use the same codes as in the example, just use different numbers in the latter part as long as it's the same amount of numbers.

4 (four). :lol:

0-3 villa. They're just walking through Sunderland players. Thousands walking out. Two fans trying to get at the dug out and being held back by stewards, scarf thrown down amd a season ticket chucked as well. Funny as fuck this. :lol: glad I put this on.

Villa just missed an open goal. They're pissing through Sunderland. Brown getting skinned again.

Was thinking similar thoughts. We should attack the likes of o'shea with glee but we're painfully short ourselves.

Benteke 0-1 villa. Make that 0-2 plenty of booing, o'shea looks shocking.

There's quite a few empty red seats at the stade de shite. Even more empty pink seats bleached by the elements and not damaged enough to be replaced.