Howmanheyman

Fucks off in a huff, comes back on for a day with his tory drivel but still finds a quick moment to chuck a hand grenade at the fish.

CT wants mass debate....... Here you are then, fill yer boots, kidda..... NSFABCT (Not safe for anyone but CT)

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 10/04/2015 Well diary, that was the week that was, eh? Ah was fucking gutted the luck of the Mackems kept on going for FIVE games in a row. Bad, bad times. Ah passed Mark 'Douggy' Douglas in the Thomson House nerve centre and ah had a quick deeks at his piece for the day and he was writing up about a fan protest against spurs which was doing the rounds on the internet, well ah thought, more fool him, ah knaa it's the future an that but there's some funny fuckas on there that get a bit too lippy for this former Toon foot soldiers liking, too many funny fuckas thinking they can tek the piss out of us journalists and people of importance in the region. Ah thought Douggy was on a hiding to nothing and chuckled to meself when ah noticed his phone NEVER ever rang with the movers and shakers of NUFC always finding the boy Ryder's number before anyone else in the North East media circle and ah swear to God, as soon as ah thought that me phone rang, straight away ah knew it was someone from Barrack Road as ah had all me NUFC contacts on the same ringtone! Ah answered it just as Knopfler's local hero was buzzing out of the speaker, "Trinity Mirror's number one regional sports journalist, Ryder speaking" Ah says, the voice on the other end crackled with raw emotion, "Lee, man! Ah couldn't dee it, son, ah couldn't get the win, wor kid. Ah tried me best, ah talked to the players aboot chinning di canio, ah talked about pride, ah even made them watch 'Auf Wiedersehen Pet' the one at the end where they go home and the hut gets set on fire, everything, man, ah divvent understand how we lost?!" It was Coach Carvs and he was obviously down in the dumps. Ah answered him back sharpish, "John, don't worry, man. These things happen, ah'll come down and get another quick interview off you for the fans." And another piss easy write for yours truly ah thought as Douggy was writing about internet trolls, ah'd be talking to the main men at HQ Toon. As ah got into SJP and was going to Carvs office ah could see Geordie John on his knees already, fuck me ah thought, howay, John, it's not that bad but then ah saw an outstretched hand going towards him which John then kissed. It was Charnley's hand! It was like the scene from 'The Godfather'! Just then someone noticed me and it was 'Fairs Cup in his hand' Bobby Moncur. "Lee! Lee! Just the fella! Did I tell about that balmy night in Budapest? They collapsed like a pack of cards, 'no gumption' the Gaffer said. Anyway, John's a wee bit busy the now, I tell you what though, I've just had a chat with Lee Charnley, you wouldna believe the players we'll getting in the summer, he knows there's been mistakes and the're going to rectify it and 'splash the cash' yon Charnley said. You can quote me on that!" Fucking champion, ah thought, Not only an ad hoc interview with a NUFC legend, but a 100% gold dust scoop about new signings to lift the spirits of the fans! Ah was on it right away, smiling as ah typed knowing what a boost the news would be to me loyal readers. When ah'd finished John had rang back apollo, oplag, err, said he was sorry he was busy but ah said it was alright as ah had me story ah needed, ah kept a 'We'll carry on regardless" piece for the morra off head coach Carvs as it's been fucking lovely the last couple of days and a quick finish by the morra dinner time writing up a pre-wrote Toon piece means ah could have a game of 'chip and put' in the afternoon with Mala doon the coast near St. Marys lighthouse and get the sun on me back which would be canny and ah also need to beat that cockeyed fucker as he might be bongy eyed but he's shit hot with a club and ah'm fucked if it's ganna be my turn getting the bevvy's in, again! Lol. Anyways, until next time, Ryder and out!

I'm no expert on photoshop, well, when I say no expert what I really mean is I've no idea how to do it or if it's even on the pc I use. Anyway, if someone would like to green up Hughes face and put a red hat on his curly grey bonce then please feel free.

Think that's true of all the great commentators. Silence is to be avoided at all costs these days even if they've nothing worthwile to say.

I'm not really into cricket or rugby, but there was something special about the commentary of Benaud and Bill McLaren, then of course you had the likes of David Coleman and Barry Davies who were in a league of their own, Davies at football, Coleman at just about everything. Not really sure people will back at Clive Tyldsley, Andy Townsend and anyone from Sky with the same kind of fondness, like.

The witch on that looked like a green version of mark Hughes.

TV off the wall and living room decorated along with dining room. What a twat of a job it was and when I'd finally finished painting and was about to clean my gear I kicked the tin of paint over onto the carpet.

Fair point.

First saw her on a programme called 'no limits' where her and some blonde cockney kid would go around Britain telling you facts about the place they were at in between playing music videos like amazulu. Remember them at Wallsend talking about the roman fort that was there but before segedunum was built so they basically showed a shitty plaque that north Tyneside had put up. Knew out the two presenters she would be on telly again.

Guilty. Did anyone on here NOT have a parker? Snow outside, parker zipped right up so there was only a small circle hole with a view about ten inches away from your face.

Aye, I used to like the banana splits and the arabian knights and would watch the thunderbirds/stingray/captain scarlet but never really get away with them as they were clearly puppets and seemed dated even then. Loved tiswas but that was the only itv show I really watched as BBC was usually better on a Saturday morning with swap shop, superstore and going, going, going live. Sarah greene was great. Cities of gold, battle of the planets and ulyssees 31 had the best music/intro btw.

No, no wind up. They were fucking garbage. No idea what TMNT is so that might be class or maybe not, the rest was shit regardless of I watched them or not. ) I.e. I watched the ATeam on and off as did I knight rider but they were still shite. (I was 40 in 2013 btw).

All shit.

Forgot about that.

Depends how much he wants to risk his investment to how he goes. That current squad is fucking doomed next year whatever division they're in.

Might have to hope for some political resolution to democratise football clubs as institutions of cultural importance to their communities and take it from there. There could be votes in it for politicians and I don't think our owner has endeared himself to parts of government already.

Used to love the proper Mr Men and Mr Benn when I was really young.

You're reading too much into what Ashley does and doesn't do. Pardew was fucking garbage, was well in with the parasite who bought our club and of course had that superb 3+ goals defeat record, the cup record and 4 of the 5 defeats to the galactico's of Wearside had his stamp all over them. The fact the parasite has Geordie John means Jack Shit to what most felt about Pardew Grimer Wormtongue.

Pardew was part of the problem and how anyone can be anything other than glad he's left is beyond me. John Carver being put in charge doesn't make Pardew a good manager, it just 'showcases', (The club like that word), how bad or indeed rotten, our club is, how utterly insignificant anyone under the owner actually is.

15.30 in Leazes Park. Aye I'll be there, boycotting isn't enough anymore for me. Scoobos, Will you be there or are will you be embarrassed in case in case a mental fan turns up and asks for Mourinho as our next manager? Any babies turn up and start crying I'll personally pat their backs and get their wind up to settle them down if that's also an issue? Anyway, accounts are well overdue, anybody have any idea where the extra costs are going to be hidden or is that what the delay is for while some creative accounting brainstorming is being performed at MASH holdings or one of his splinter NUFC business groups?

Aye there's definitely something in that hoof to Perez tactic that just needs tweaking. Obviously Ayoze was enjoying the running from one side of the pitch to the other as well chasing defenders as he gave his legs a stretch.

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/newcastle-united-players-care-mike-8990709?

:lol: Fucking hell, man!

Ya wanna be careful writing about me bait, ah'm strictly a chicken salad sarnie man, you've obviously being reading too much shite about me on social media sites from so-called fans who divvent knaa their Billy Askews from their Norberto Saronos. /Ryder