Howmanheyman

Couldn't give a fuck to be perfectly honest. Lampard will get you more goals, Gerrard in his prime could grab the game by the scruff of the neck.

Pardew's record was indefensible man, you fucking knacker! Anywhere else he'd have been sacked long before he chose to leave. He was never, ever getting sacked here, so hold your piss in with the 'vindication' shite as supporters being unhappy with Pardew had no effect whatsoever on the club's main problem, the owner. I think the points haul had Pardew stayed would've been very similar to Carver's points as last season's 2nd half of the season showed. Pardew would've done worse then even last year as the personnel are one year older, one year less interested and the squad one year more depleted. Wanting Pardew out is not the same as wanting Carver in. Some of those footballers you mentioned were just as shit and lethargic under the previous tit in the dugout, btw.

Aye, I'll never forget where I was when that big story broke. Momentous times they were.

Sounds a bit like gemmill to be honest. Don't be fooled by the yoga bollocks, he's the Rab C Nesbitt of Toontastic.

Funny, most Scots I've seen on the piss couldn't drink cold tea. You must be an extraordinarily bad drinker.

Aye but, pardew winning at Anfield, though. Glad I can't see his face.

I'm a maverick poet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wJnEg7P-38 WTF? This is the closest football video to a workplace health & safety video I've ever seen from the narrator to the background music.

The people's poet speaketh, btw.

Gemm's little pony Skinny and bony The pink yoga princess Doesn't eat or drink to excess

Just seen the sky saturday goons talking about Palace and Pardew, absolutely and to no great surprise there was not one mention from them of the fact he's now lost the last four in a row.

Fifth defeat in a row for Pardew if Liverpool don't fuck up Gerrard's last home game for this season.

It's all about London isn't it? No need to hide it in the next anthem. Once the capital is got rid of, the anthem after London Calling can be 'I'm free' by the soup dragons.

The English national anthem should be 'London Calling' by The Clash if they ever scrap Royalty.

Why do Americans always leave the word 'on' out of their descriptions of events which occur on whatever day? (As in the above, "Davis told the judge at a hearing sentencing hearing Wednesday" instead of 'on Wednesday').

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/whats-on/whats-on-news/ant-dec-berate-newcastle-uniteds-9262239? The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 15/05/2015 Alreet Diary? You never guess who ah was talking to the day, mind? Coach Carvs? Lee Charnley? Bob Moncur? Obviously wasn't SuperMac as he's not too popular in the corridors of SJP after being a bit critical of Mike. Have you guessed? If ah'd been on the bevvy and fancied some scran ah might get a TAKEAWAY from their place. If ah wanted to go into a JUNGLE ah'd ask them then ask them to GET ME OUT OF HERE! Would that be a clue? When ah was a foot soldier in the Toon Army ah was always getting READY TO RUMBLE, aye, that's right diary, not only do ah rub shoulders with the Premier League elite, ah'm on first name terms with the bafta boys, the Geordie duo, one Mr Anthony McPartlin and one Mr Declan Donnelly aka, Ant & Dec! Ah was at the Thomson House canteen this morning getting meself a full English as ah needed some scran on me stomach after ah'd had a bit of session after work yesterday. Ah got me scran and sat down with the Chronicle marketing kid, Cardboard Chris. Canny kid was 'Cardboard' but ah knew he wouldn't be sitting with me long as he had beans with his breakfast and he'd have to eat it quick before it soaked through his cardboard takeaway box. Chris would never use a plate even if he was eating in the canteen, at first he got loads of sympathy off the lasses as they all thought the poor cunt had a china plate phobia but it just turned out he had a cardboard fetish instead so now the lasses would never sit next to him in case he had a stalker on. As ah sat doon Chris said, "Are you gannin up to see Ant & Dec then, Lee?" Ah replied, "Ant & Dec? What you gannin on aboot, Chris?" It turned out that the Geordie superstars were visiting Thomson House and were going to pick a Newcastle United side to face QPR! Wow! But how the fuck was ah not telt about it?! Ah clocked the delicious Helen Danby, the editor, coming through the door, "Helen! Helen! What's the craic with Ant & Dec? How come ah wasn't telt aboot it?" Helen says she sent me an e-mail but what Helen didn't know was that ah don't do e-mails until a friday afternoon. Ah worked out years ago that it was the perfect excuse not to do something ah didn't want to do if ah never had time to do it if ah didn't get the e-mail till late on friday! Anyways, apparently they were going to film the lads and some of us Journos talking around the Thomson House meeting room table about the Toon but it was then ah realised ah wasn't properly dressed for the cameras! Ah'd put on a casual jumper this morning that ah quite liked but it was more a comfy job, in fact it was dark blue with patches on the sleeve and when ah looked in me reflection of the glass door ah realised ah looked a right clip in it, ah looked like one of me old geography teachers! Anyways, ah just had to put up with me jumper and had some great craic with the lads. Ah asked if ah could get an invite to their London pad next time we were away in the smoke and Ant said, "Err, aye, err, Lee, err, i'll give you my agents card, give him a ring later, mate." Anyways, it was yet another great bit of stuff for my loyal readers to see, in fact the only bad part of the day was Ant forgetting to give his agents card. Never mind, ah'l get the card next time. laters diary!

See Essembee, that's how you nail the mackems in one post.

The O'Leary crack on here was just a bit of piss taking inspired by Fish, although saying that, it wouldn't surprise me. The crack I heard last night could be a load of shite, or Carver may indeed think he's been or going to be offered it. Just passing the tale on.

No, that was Vanessa Williams.

I thought they were canny. Liked 'Born again', 'Forgotten Town', 'When the fingers point', 'save a soul in every town', 'and thats why' and 'ideal world'.

Heard a tale last night of a chat between a fan and an ex-England and Man U player regarding our man Carver. The ex player knows carver well and is pally with him. According to the tale I heard the player stuck up for carver and said Carver has been offered the job next year but told the ex-player he would knock the job back if we get relegated. Don't shoot the messenger!