Howmanheyman

Recognise Moody from clips of Oliver but that's it I'm afraid. Lee played a great part in just about everything even when hamming it up. Lived some life before becoming a thespian as well it seems. RIP both.

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 10/06/2015 'Well now, well now' as Lee Cattermole's dad once nearly said, what an amazing day at the cathedral on the hill, new managers and a blood letting of the coaching staff! Ah got a tip off something big was happening when ah looked out the window of Thompson House and saw a Sky camera crew driving past, ah did think it strange that they were onto it before me as ah'd obviously gone above and be-fucking-yond helping the club out and Carvs in particular owed me big time. Ah also knew Lee Charnley was over the fucking moon with my fake Colo letter and if anything was happening I'd be the numero uno, top banana to find out. But......there were the sky bozo's heading up to Casa St. James'.......Hmmmmn. Anyways, ah thought Lee must've got waylaid and couldn't give me a bell so ah decided to grab the black & white bull by the horns and raced up to Gallowgate to find oot the Geordie roar. As ah left Thompson House a Harry Bamp was sitting ootside, stinking of piss and begging for some dosh. The tramp said, "Howay, Mister! can ya spare iz some money for some scran and a few Charlie Chans? Ah'm a Toon Army veteran, wor kid." Ah looked down properly at him wondering if ah'd recognise him from away day skirmishes I'd heard about when ah clocked the dial of none other than our recently departed interim coach, John 'Carvs' Carver! "Fuck me!" ah says, "What ya deeing begging, John?" Carvs replied that he'd built an extension on his house expecting to pay it off when he got the job full time and he owed Billy the Brick ten grand with no way to pay it. "Lee, man, if ah divvent raise the extra coin for Billy he'll gan fucking radge and ah've heard too many tales aboot what he can dee with that jagged edge spirit level of his that would have you touching cloth, wor kid." Poor John, but poor Lee Ryder as well, this useless cunt was my meal ticket for the next few years and the daft cunt went and got himself sacked! What was ah ganna dee now? What ah was ganna dee was bung Carvs a tenner for owld times sake so he could get himself a few cans then ah was up to see who the new supremo was going to be. Ah got to the reception and the lass says to me, "Sorry Lee, media partners only." Ah replied, "Wha, what? Ya having a fucking giraffe, like, aren't ya? After ah'll the stuff ah've done lately? This is the thanks ah get? Ah'll fucking have words with Penfold next time ah see the cunt. Ya can tell him that anaal!" Ah was aboot to carry on when ah saw a certain ginger quiff entering the SJP netty through the glass window down the corridor. Ah then turned the tap on the famous Knight Ryder charm that ah knaa the fanny lap up. Ah winked and said, "How, pet, ah've got to siphon the Python if ya knaa what ah mean? Ah need to water the bog plants with me Geordie man-hose if ya catch me drift?" While she looked at iz in stunned admiration ah nipped into the corridor and opened the bog door just as Schteve was putting his John Thomas away. Ah grabbed the initiative and his hand and shook it firmly. "Ryder, Lee Ryder. Top dog at the Evening Chronicle." Schteve, said, "Err, Lee is it? You might want to wash your hands, son because I, err.... haven't!". Anyways, warmed by Stevey Mac's concern not to mention his warm urine, ah did an imprompteded, err, an imprompadoo, err, a quick interview. Ah got in when all doors were locked to the former FC Twente boss and made sure my loyal readers got the Ryder take on the new man with a few words from Schteve himshelf, as they say in ol' Amshterdam! Lol! Ryder and fucking out!

Simpson was a tidy player, thought we should've bought him a few years ago. No idea of his coaching reputation.

Clark was a canny footballer but has been known to be a knacker from anecdotes I've heard plus what I've seen. He might be a good coach/manager but if you're a knacker then you're going to be a bit handicapped doing the job well imo.

Clark would be Carver MKII.

Worried Makom will post soon.

My Dad and late Granda were also in the Artillery, (RHA), although my Granda never served abroad and was medically discharged during WW2. His unit were sent to North Africa and took heavy losses so it's good job he was bad when he was otherwise you might never have experienced my superb patter and rapier-like wit on here. He worked at NEI Parsons on old Shields Road and retired in 1980. He passed away in the nineties. Like both your Grandparents he was deaf as a post and was always immaculately dressed and would get suited up, cufflinks etc just to go for a couple of hours in the Prince of Wales on Shields Road proper.

I really wouldn't want lee clark anywhere near our players.

Anorthernsoul beating me to it!

Next caption, "now can you put Stoney on, John?"

How much did your equipment cost, CT? (Obviously including all the extras you'll have bought such as camouflage clothing, metal detecting guidebooks, etc). It's just that I've got a few Roman coins around 16-1700 years old and I'm guessing I got them easier and cheaper than anything you've found so far considering what you will have spent on petrol and gear. (Hands up, though, I never got to bother some cows getting them so I'll give you that one).

It's a good pic but a better tale, maudlin or not.

Looks like the jug used for milking cows.

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/newcastle-united-cult-hero-pavel-9410714? "Yes it's sad, I've never spoken to Harps since he fobbed Steve Wraith on me. I met him and thought, 'Is zis some kind of joke?' So me and Harps are not so close, now."

Mooths like Walker graveyard.

Tim Roth was probably thinking along the same lines as Michael Caine when starring in 'Jaws. The Revenge'. “I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.”

Manhattans? Went in there once and it was like a fucking Hoppings employee works night out with the hooped jumpers and the odd kid taking his top off on the dance floor. Saw the sum total of one lass in there so finished my pint off and went home as I was already well served from elsewhere.

"......Zen zis crazy guy said 'hello' at ze airport. Said he was too cool and straight edge for a selfie pic wiss me but was ok to show me his new motorbike on his phone."

You didn't drink a pint of Guinness in Wallsend, though. I noticed more of a difference in the lager between NI and here than I did the Guinness, to be honest. Fucking Harp lager, man or Tennent's. (Makes Carling seem like some award winning master brew.)

"Wallsend..... It's my kinda Town."

This.

But what if one of those kids had a ghetto blaster on him and started rapping on yo asses? /Toonpack

I could get that as part of a meal deal with one of the many pizza shops in Wallsend. (Do you do delivery?)

I think cloth was definitely touched in that incident as I'm sure posteriors were twitching like bunny rabbit's noses when TJ Hooker pulled out his cock extension.