Howmanheyman

He redeemed himself a bit with the 'Are you a clown in a circus?' line to the Fish, to be fair.

Do they? Most match going fans, (including myself), that I know thought Smith was fucking atrocious. I thought he was a terrible buy from the minute we bought him for an insane £6M. Taylor's had some good games as well as shit. I'd hardly say they lap him up to be fair.

I've had nobby stiles that were more humorous than that video.

"Ah tell you the now, it wouldna looked out of place in East Germany around 1982, that Sunderland, mind."

Tells his work mates 'there's worse jobs than this' when they moan.

Thought he worked at Stranraer loading the ferries?

Has anyone ever had those frozen microwave donner kebabs that were out a few years ago?Think they were about a quid and you got two in a box! Now they were trampy. But quite satisfying at the same time.

Microwaved beans are shit.

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half 10/08/2015 Another season, another dollar, diary! The busy days of an award winning sports journalist cranks up that little bit more when the big kick off comes around and I'm not talking about any battles of Bath Lane but the new season! With the likes of the new boys, Georginio 'Gini' Wijnaldum, Chancel 'Do you' Mbemba 'the time' and Aleksandar 'heed the baal, lick the flange' Mitrovic joining the ranks of the NE1 superstars alongside Schteve the boss, coaches Cathro and Simpson, there was plenty of fresh material for the boy Ryder to get to grips with. Ah thought me loyal Toon Army readers would be champing at the bit to hear about the new men on the Tyne so ah was on it quicker than a PL centre forward chasing a Willo fuck up. Ah thought where better to start with our new boys than getting the thoughts of former net botherer, one Michael Quinn once of the St. James' Parish, now entertaining the masses on national radio. Quinny as always, was fucking sound and said he was looking forward to seeing the new lads in action and me loyal readers had another great scoop about the new contingent from a true black & white legend. Class! Ah also tried something groundbreaking in sports journalism as ah knaa if you stand still in this game you become yesterday's man, which reminds me, ah must give Roger Tames a bell, anyways, ah decided to track down an expert lip reader from the Tyne & Wear deaf association and bought him a ticket in the East Stand as well as finding him some binocilar, binucol, err, a telescope type thingy so he could lip read the main men in the dug out and ah could share Schteve's match day thoughts in the morras Ronny Gill. Ah met the lip reader, Peter Piper in the Percy supping a pint or two after the game and he handed me his notes which ah was positive were going to have some real coaching bits of gold dust in them. Ah thanked Peter, bought him another pint and bunged him the £50 ah'd secured from the expenses. Ah raced back home and looked at his notes; COACHES TRANSCRIPT S McClaren - SM Paul Simpson - PS Ian Cathro - IC 01.34: IC "Vurn, droap back, son! Jack! help Gini!" 01.39: PS "Go on! go on Moussa son!" 01.49: SM "Stop the cross! don't let him cro.....Ah for fuck sake!" 02.12: PS "Get it over, Hads.....Yeeeeeeeeeesssssssss!!!!!!!!" 02.33: PS "Good ball Gabby.....Yeeeeeeeeeesssssssss!!!!!!!!." 03.04: SM "Get tight! stop the cross!...........Fuck off!" 03.11: PS "Fancy a chinkees later on, boss? There's meant to be loads in that China Town." 03.12: IC "Di the dee that deep fried shit, everything battered, ken?" END OF TRANSCRIPT. ah couldn't believe that was just it, like! fifty fucking quid, a match ticket in the east stand and a lend of cockeyed Mala's telescope for fuck ah'll!! Ah phoned up Peter the lip reader but he telt iz that most of the time they were covering their mouths with their hands so's journalists couldn't tell what was being said! The fucking crafty bastard!! Ah secretly doffed me cap to the main man in the SJP dugout and settled for me match write up and a 'five things we learned today' piece which included that Paul 'Simma' Simpson liked Chinese food which ah knew me punters would love to hear about. Anyways, it's good to be back. Laters!

I don't go anymore other than a once a season away game, but, I'd hate the idea of stupid kick off times. It's bad enough already, really. First game of the season, sunday dinner time kick off? Fuck off, man. Monday night football has been here for years now, I'm used to it, it isn't a novelty.......but.......it is absolute bollocks. No game all weekend, back to work for most and then you get your game at last and tough shit if you're on late shift.

A driver-less taxi filled with human excrement and urine or a taxi driver's patter?

A great goal by Coutinho that the game doesn't deserve.

Might just be me but do the likes of Whelan and Adam for Stoke look the archetypal WWI British Tommy rather than 21st century PL footballers? Could see them singing 'long way to Tipperary' in the dressing room rather than Kanye West.

Someone on the Liverpool bench talking to Rogers covering his mouth with a writing pad. nobody gives a fuck, man. Might start covering my mouth with a beer mat next time I talk in a bar.

Stoke v Liverpool, absolute dirge so far. Good pick by sky.

So does CT, he's just fiff faffing about.

Who said that? You or your lass?

That's worse than Dmemba!

We haven't had a good left back since Enrique left.

Yep.

Can't defend a cross to save our lives.

Janmaat this time. Fannys in defence.

Rtg threads; 'Mags getting beat' 'Mags not getting beat' 'Haway the saints'

Ha ha ha Superb cross and amazing header.