Howmanheyman

Just wondering, TP.

Fair do's, fish. 'Lol.'

Were you in Sainsbury's in Heaton this morning? (Just asking for no particular reason). I've never seen a supermarket with as few people in have a very high percentage of awkward cunts somehow getting in my way in aisles where there was only one or two other people in. It was like they were watching me and jumping in the way as I went to get something.

The Very public diary of the Very real journalist, Luke Edwards, keeping it real "Dear diary, Bladdy hell, it's getting harder, it really is. I feel like I'm juggling plates all over whilst trying to do the chicken dance on my phone. I'm out there digging away for some legitimate scoops, not just regurgitated quotes about what Simon Jordan said on talk sport, (I'm looking at you here, evening chronicle sports team), then getting myself out there on social media to wind up fans, especially a few of the thick ones who aren't a threat yet you get the likes of wykiki retweeting sports bible and shit like that trying to pretend they're real sports journalists. I can laugh off the likes of Ryder and Graves but the likes of burnsie can do one. Anyway, time for a twitter upload. Like Tom Jones said, I think I better dance now..... ..... Ooh, where's my Aldi Sauvignon Blanc? I'm all pooped out now!"

This is why I wouldn't get carried away too much with the new palace manager. He might be a quality coach who knows his stuff or he might've just got a good headstart by just not being Hodgson and getting them to pull their fingers out. Roeder got us to seventh from the bottom half on account of not being Graeme Souness.

5live, Ronaldo not getting the service. Some quality in that Portuguese side but they're just trying to accommodate a static number seven up front.

"Neyal goes to sto-ak and Potter prefers Leicester? What the fuck is going on, eya, like?"

She was last seen getting rattled by Arthur. Arthur B Regis.

1st televised game of the season on Friday night, 8th placed Man United at home to 13th placed Fulham because.... Errr......well....... Theatre of dreams.....err.......Gaz Nev has something on that Saturday so..... Amazed they haven't put arsenal on but have Brentford v palace?

I once had a look from a mackem behind a police escort, it wasn't a hiding but I still get goosebumps thinking of my close encounter with death.

Who's Mrs Spock discussing the foul on the keeper? 'its a foul, Jim, but not as we know it.'

They get some stick, ITV, but they not only show the games but ALWAYS give you fantastic opportunities to win four tickets for the final of whatever tournament it is PLUS fifty thousand quid to spend and all you've got to do is phone an 0898 premium cost number! Honestly, man, just an amazing TV station. ❤️

I'm going to start a self help group called MHA, (Mag Hidings Anonymous), for all the poor Mags who've taken numerous hidings from MLFs after we committed numberless faux pas usually witnessed by neutral football fans who silently approved of the tough, hard justice meted out by the Pale Riders of the Durham Plains, the Massive fans of Lads. Anyone is free to join, just start off by introducing yourself to the group by saying, 'Hi guys, my name is [insert name here] and I've took one hell of a hiding from an MLF after setting my lip up' and the group will welcome you with open arms and see if we can all learn humility from the greatest set of fans in the world, Sunderland AFC.

"and here's your commentary team, Sam Matterface and Lee Dixon.'

This ITV eulogy of England last night by Gabriel Clarke. Fuuuck me. Nicholas Witchell even winced.

These commentators*, man. Just said it's a matter of time before Belgium score then not a minute later Slovakia score and it's 'fully deserved'. *Tyldsley and Andros Townsend

More Mag hidings. 😔

RTG Max Allegri Beyn brilliant for Juventus but at the end lewked a bit fed up and lewks like he needs a new challenge. Could he be up to a project of getting the lads back up? No pressure from the fans, pewa love from the fans and a chance to bey happy again? #imagine?

Fabregas. Look at the calibre of managers they've had the last few years some of whom they couldn't even keep without them fucking off to clubs like Stoke. Yet they persist in mentioning names like Fabregas, Potter, Lampard etc. honestly, some of them are borderline insane.

The state of this cunt, man. it's like a non binary fusion of Nadine dorries and de pfeffel Johnson.

Alexander burned Persepolis down in a drunken huff/argument after conquering it. Good job he's long dead if he had to watch some of Pard's greatest hits like the mackem defeats, the regular hammerings from the likes of Liverpool and Man United.