Howmanheyman

I f I was ever to walk into a brothel or some kind of sex shop and someone put a camera in my face and saying, 'HMHM, have you been invited here? It's Tyne Tees news, why are you here?' I think I might just try to emulate Liz Truss's blank, mute, grin face and see if by some absolute miracle I would get away with it? Mrs HMHM: "I saw you on Tyne Tees going into that brothel but you didn't say anything and were just smiling so it's probably nothing to worry about?"

Alternatively; "Hoo, Sinbad! Two beers on horseback, please."

"I've got a little black book of NUFC contacts from Billy Askew to Mickey Quinn, from Lee Bowyer to Nobby Solano and everyone in between. If it's happened at NUFC, then I've got an ex-player quote on tap. Up there for thinking, wor kid, doon there for dancing. Lol. Laters "

Just after that was filmed he turned around and said 'have you got a problem, mag?' and the mag singing it then started stuttering, mumbled something about banter, said sorry and walked away with his head down.

I was rushed for time as I was posting.

Billy Marra: "A few years ago I was hanging out with Steve McQueen and some other cool guys when a Mag came up to Steve and made a right tit of himself. Steyve said nothing but I knew he was disgusted. I just shrugged my shoulders and said, 'Mag behaviour, Steyve' and we carried on being cool."

"I’m imagining a lot of happy people And most of you are with someone you love Well you are the lucky ones All over the world there are Lots of people who are alone tonight I imagine most of us have been in that situation At some time or another I know I have Recently I heard a most beautiful song, with a Dynamic lyric that really expresses This feeling of loneliness It means a lot to me personally And I’d like to share it with you I think you’ll see what I mean.... 🎶....Take the ribbon from my hair Shake it loose and let it fall Layin' soft against your skin Like the shadows on the wall Come and lay down by my side 'Til the early morning light All I'm taking is your time Help me make it through the night.... 🎵

Samuel Allardycio might be worth a shout or Esteban Brucio? I seem to recall they were highly rated, (by others) when they were with us.

He mightn't be a cunt, but he is a fat cunt.

@Alex, @Renton. (Can't remember which one is his biggest fan?)

CT blatantly set up some kids goal where Stan had to score a goal from a penalty and when it hit the net CT would pull some string and some sheet with 'SCS SALE NOW ON!' would descend from the crossbar.

I said something very similar to a mate who was moaning about the 'young cunt' at his place who knows fuck all etc, etc. I said when we were around 17 and being divvies following NUFC the auld cunts going on about the fifties are basically us now. (same time difference).

Jude: "Bro, nobody really likes me here, I'm sick as fuck." Shit one: "Come and stay here with me in Sunderland on your weekend off, they'll love you." Jude: "Because I'm your brother?" Shit one: "No, because you're a bit famous now and you'd be visiting their shit town which everyone ignores. Just say 'I hate the Mags anaarl' and the locals will offer their daughters to perform any sex act you desire." Jude: "Really?" Shit one: "Yeah it's..... Oh hang on a minute, Jude, here's one passing now.....I HATE THE MAGS ANAARL....." [Distant voice] "Gerrin! Ahl send our Alison over to cleyn ya pipe, marra." Shit One: "See? Works every time."

As Alex has said, ie Edwards. From memory it was always Matthews.

Going off topic but speaking of Stanley Matthews, I don't know if I'm imagining it but I'm pretty sure growing up Matthews was meant to be the greatest English footballer? (Not saying he was), whenever football journalists and pundits spoke. Now Bobby Charlton had been retired over a decade by then but I'm sure the general consensus was it was Matthews? But when Charlton died recently it was 100% Charlton. What changed apart from the journalists and pundits being younger? Charlton obviously never came out of retirement and swept up a few more trophies? Does Blackpool and Stoke not have the same gravitas to the big 6 centric pundits?

Beardsley, Gazza and Barnes all did the rap, they were all shite. If you hear the Barnes demo it's not like the finished article.

I've been to both, (well, Stoke's old ground). Think Vale is in the Burslam district without checking? Messrs Robbie Williams and Stanley Matthews both hailed from Stoke. But you're right about the flags, they're the tournament fans because of course they are. (The alternative is lower league football with the occasional cup final against Sunderland).

Hall looks like one the startled brothers or whatever they were called on the Harry Enfield show.

Southgate for Liverpool, then Jamie? (Or would that be a big fat no?)

I kind of agree with him that your manager should be from the same nation but them's not the rules so it's every country for themselves. Port Vale is in Stoke.

Thought you were batting for Gareth? I'm not England's number one fan so it's a 100% balanced opinion and not clouded by bias but he's definitely who he is, and that's an average, cautious manager who's not played his best hand. Not the first England manager to do that to be fair to him but there's your problem. Need a ruthless man in the job, I'm afraid.

"Yew are denying my fondermental rights as a subject of her mojestey, queen Elizabeth ther second to come into the workplace in an inebriated fashion, so y'are yew heathen, papist, follower of Beelzebub, ye.'