Howmanheyman

They really are the biggest set of needy, desperate to be liked group of supporters in England. They're the football club equivalent of the kid who always gets picked amongst the last at football and nobody really gives a fuck about even the ones who don't particularly mind them.

Decisions, decisions.

This is just fucking mental tbh. It's a cliche but really couldn't make all this Trump shit up. Kudos to spitting image for 'the President's brain is missing' but this stuff is actually real. Actually don't know whether to or be very fucking worried every day this knacker is in power.

A flea made redundant from a flea circus walks into a job centre around 1970 looking for a job and has an interview with a job centre employee. Job centre kid: "looks like you're in luck, factory next door are taking people on and....." Flea: "woah! I'll just stop you there kidda. I used to work in a flea circus, I'm not doing any old shite. It has to be a job in showbusiness." JCK: "OK, I'll see what we've got available. Right, looks like I've just the job. Lassie is looking for a flea on her new film, 'lassie come home'. Is that showbusiness enough for you?" Flea: "Aye, sounds OK, I'll give it a go." The flea hops off to his new job but two days later turns up at the job centre. JCK: "What you doing back?" Flea: "The job was no good." JCK: "Are you kidding? You knocked back a factory job for this, said you wanted showbusiness didn't you?" Flea: "Aye I did, but fucking lassie, man. She's jumping out burning buildings, jumping over dangerous rivers, fuck that! Just cos I'm a flea, I've got rights as well, y'knaa! Safety being one!" JCK: "Alright, keep your hair on, I'll see what else we've got. Righto! He we go. Omar Sharif's new film are looking for a flea to go in his tache. That sound alright? Just think of all the Hollywood parties you'll get to?" Flea: "Aye, sounds canny. I'll do that, like." Off hops the flea to go his new job but two days later he walks back into the job centre. JCK: "What the fuck you doing back? What was wrong this time? The Hollywood parties not your scene?" Flea: "It was canny enough but the minute he went to a Hollywood party he'd get his cigar out and I could hardly breathe through all the smoke. Just cos I'm a flea, I've got rights as well, y'knaa!" JCK: "Right! I've had enough of this shit. Here's a job here. Showbusiness and you'll be the envy of all your mates. Britt Ekland needs a flea in her pubes. Don't dare come back here after me giving you that gig." Flea: "Fucking hell! I'm definitely up for that, like. When do I start? Hahaha!" Off the flea hops for his rendezvous with Miss Ekland's minge. Two days later he turns up at the job centre once again. JCK: "You've got to be fucking kidding me, here like! I've gave you a job half the blokes in the world would snap your hands off for! What the fuck was the matter this time?" Flea: "Nowt, it was fucking great at first, I had a good luck and a quick one off the wrist, no bother at all." JCK: "So what happened?" Flea: "She went to one of these Hollywood parties, didn't she?" JCK: "And?" Flea: " I ended up back on Omar Sharif's fucking tache!"

Bloke walks in the bar with a flamingo and a cat and orders a pint. Flamingo pipes up, "make that two, squire". Cat then adds, " make it three, chief. Put it on their bill." This goes on all night and they're pretty well served at the end of the evening before the cat says he's off for a piss and the flamingo says "me too!" Barman waits for them to fuck off to the bog before asking the bloke what the craic was? Bloke says, "I found an old lamp, gave it a rub and fuck me, a genie comes out and grants me one wish!" Barman says, "what did you ask for, mate?" Bloke looks miserable and says, "I wished I could have a bird with long legs and a tight pussy."

Recce-ing a potential spot to bury another work colleague you say?

Been said many a time but they're such a needy, desperately clinging fanbase aren't they? If a Newcastle United fan chats to an opposition supporter there's a good chance Sunderland won't be mentioned at all. This is highly unlikely if a Mackem cracks on with another fan. (Unless of course, all these other fans can't wait to say to said Mackem, 'Really pleased I bumped into you, while you're here, can I just tell you I think your fans are great, genuine and down to earth. You also have an amazing travelling support and as a fanbase you are miles ahead of Noocarsull supporters who are all deluded and really not all that. Anyway, as you were saying..... Oh! Before you carry on, can we form a football fans bond between our clubs? That would be nice. Sorry, you were talking about your 6 league titles and how you last beat Noocarsull.'

89th minute, you say?

Did anyone notice?

It's been good so far but I haven't read the book to compare it.

There's a pizza shop round our way called '3 Guys'. It closes down every year, gets new management and changes it's name. It was 'flaming Cod' or something last time. Anyway, it's as shit as it sounds, went for some jockey's whip's when it was a chippy to try it out and I got served some frozen chips from a Polish lass!!! Needless to say that was the first and last time I went. No interest in any vouchers from any guys, whether there's three, four or five of the radgies.

Watched the first three episodes of 'The Terror' last night about two Royal Navy ships in 1845 searching for the north west passage, (not the M62), that went missing. Didn't expect it to be a bit supernatural but I enjoyed it, damn your eyes!

I've no idea what he's done before but I do know his Mam must've been at the shops* when he did that video of himself otherwise he wouldn't have been so loud. *Getting him some chicken nuggets for his tea to go with oven chips and beans.

When you're an award winning journalist, you lead, ex-players follow.

Uncal Mick, then?

It's ok, he puts a smilie with cool sunglasses after most of his posts so he's actually really cool as fuck, a Mackem Fonz if you like. Not desperate. Not desperate at all.

Looked a pen but actually a dive. I'll not slag the ref too much for not booking him as he didn't fall for it.

Penalty according to donkey Don.

Thinking the same. Could well be the useless Mackem cunt, Don Goodman.

I turned it off after twenty minutes. Football shit, shit atmosphere, one can't be arsed with it, the other is managed by Allardyce who has put a cold clammy hand over their highlight of their season. The mackems think he's great though.

Had a drink, (no nachos or hotdogs) and chilled watching 'Where eagles dare' last night. It's still great.