Howmanheyman

My Mam just started chemo herself after having an op to get rid of ovarian cancer a couple of months ago. Hers is 18 weeks so she's only two weeks in but fingers crossed she seems ok so far considering she's 70. I'm sure you'll be alright too, mate.

Paddy goes for a job, the interviewer asks him to give his full name. Paddy answers, "Sortanly sor, it's Patrick Mulligan-Flaherty', sor." "How do you spell that?" Asks the interviewer. "Stick the fucking job up your arse!" Replies Paddy. "Ok, we'll skip that one for now." Says the interviewer, "Can you lay bricks?" He adds. "No." Says Paddy. "Are you any good at joinery?" The interviewer enquiries. "No." Say Paddy "Any general building skills at all?" The interviewer asks. "Not really, sor." The interviewer scratches his head and says, "This job is for a school handyman. How the hell are you handy?" Paddy replies, "Oi just live round the corner, sor!"

Bit surprised to see CT being all for the Royal wedding when most on here aren't? It's Kitman I feel sorry for, my wife watched it while I sat in the garden and she didn't once force me at gunpoint to watch it like I assume his must've?

There was a wedding? Lovely day outside in the garden, came in to watch the cup final which was as shit as I suspected, anyway. I was very, very drunk.

The books have been cooked to A. Make Rafa seem unreasonable and B. Make the club look fucking brilliant in next years accounts for any potential buyers.

He's got a nose like a Hiller.

He went to both my schools in Walkergate. (I've even seen him in a photo in the school team pic.)

Ashley used to have the King touting our better players to encourage bids whilst pretending to be concerned, now he gets employees and associates to feed stories to the likes of the mirror to encourage bids for the manager who wouldn't do what Alan Pardew would do. Win/win for Jabba. (I'm reading Ashley is going to be on holiday again for the business end of running a club. Quelle surprise!)

A woman's prerogative or something?

Hope it works out for you, mate.

Fish is shagging trooper? Never seen that coming tbh.

I'm from Walker same as Steve Bruce, Lee Clark and Alan Thompson.

He's a new Tory fan boy poster from Coventry. 32 looks 42. Everything you'll think he looks like will probably be right. Needs to get on the salad.

That's us signing some top talent now!

The only way I could better your cram story is if I'd shut the door on him. Can't compete with cram, that's me out. You'd have to have met a genuine star like van basten or something?

Ron 'Cassius Clay' McGarry used to ask me and my Dad how the toon got on when we walked past his bookies in Walkergate after being at the game. The first time it happened my Dad had to inform me he played for Newcastle in the 60s. Thought you were a couple of years older than me, mind. There's a few on here who are though.

Can't watch it as my subscription to SM has finished and it's not taking anything other than fucking bitcoins if you want to renew. Anyone with any other options please feel free to PM me.

Sounds more like Jackie than Bobby. I fucking love hearing the Ashington/Bedlington etc accents.

Good job they got Albert to meet him and not @Noelie, mind.

Used to play against Stevie Watson at Wallsend boys club, played against Robbie Elliott for my school, played against Lee Clark and Alan Thompson 'around the doors/at school' the odd time.

Lack of quality up front this time from Murphy costing us a deserved point at least.

This commentator is why you need segregation at football games. Imagine being sat next him tonight? Words would be spoken. We've played well tonight but haven't got a striker to capitalise on it.

We desperately need a striker, Gayle has zero confidence, should've done much better twice. Tottenham TV obviously haven't shown a replay.