Howmanheyman

Fish would've been crucified for less, tbh.

Alex, don't worry about it. But can I be the first to say 'you absolute tit'?

"MAKE SOME NOISE!!!!!" Ok, Alan, if you insist..... .....YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN A SHIT LERCAL DJ AND YOU'VE DONE WAY BETTER THAN YOUR PATTER WARRANTED!!!!..... ....But at least you chuckled at Doris who told you how long it took to get the shops and who she used to bump into whilst no doubt groaning to yourself that you couldn't cut her call. Cheers, Ginge, it's been reeeaally interesting. Don't let the door hit your arse as you eventually fuck off. Bye! Yours, A fan.

Anyone else reading it as ninety woin 92 in a strange brummie/Southern Irish accent?

"The truth is often stranger than fiction, wor kid, said the man who once nearly got stuck into Wendy Taylor but decided that business and pleasure shouldn't mix as she basically didn't want to know."

So he is capable of receiving sponsorship, not so great at giving it.

Anyone doing an Arnie and going back in time, terminator style, this is who you're looking for......

Would've been a lucky cunt if he did. I only got an orange at half time.

Never seen it. (Never will). Fucking hate 'reality' programmes or any bollocks with 'celebrity' in the title. I once heard two minutes of the first Geordie shore that the missus watched while I was in the next room. Horrendous. Fuck. That.

Sucker punch as well. Whilst he walks with his 'mates'. He's a proper little cunt, mind, even taking away his views. Has done very well out of it as well.

That last sentence is all that counts.

Your willy, essembee?

Tbf he's basically been retired since about 2006 so he's had plenty of time to put it on and he did come across as a bit of a lazy cunt apart from those infrequent bursts of speed. As an aside, can you imagine his come face and his monotone voice? "Yes. There it is. Owen shoots again and gets millions of his little strikers away. Mrs Owen never had a chance. Back of the net."

I'd..... What the fuck would I know? Good luck with it, Rob!

The secret diary of Lee Ryder (aged 44 and a half) Transcript of live feed Twitter broadcast. (Edited by the evening chronicle) Lee Ryder: "Welcome to our outside broadcast and today we're in the sweltering heat and absolute vastness of the Arabian desert to discuss the s**t hot news of the takeover at Newcastle United football club. I've flew out here to dig deep and find out about the movers and shakers but am taking time out to answer all my loyal punters questions at this crazy time in magpies history. Fire away!" Troopz1967: " I've heard it's all a parcel of s***e and fatty is even now chiselling all the lead off the pipes in St James' park to sell at the quayside market." Lee Ryder: "Alright, Troopz? Troopz, let me tell you, some of my sources here in Abu Dubai are Adam and the ants it's all happening, wor kid." MalcolmNUFC: "Have you got to any of them harem's yet you dirty c**t? Giddup!" Lee Ryder: "Not now, Mala, I'll bell you after. Laters." ChristmasTree@clubtropicana: "Will the Sheikh open up a fans social club?" Lee Ryder: "My sources say there'll be massive investment not just in the playing staff but also in the community. Get the domino cards at the ready, Christmas Tree!" AntCOYBIG@TaytoCastle: "Sure I'm not even from Newcastle but I can see Tynemouth Priory in the background. You're not in the middle east." LeazesLad: "It's DEFINITELY King Edward's bay. What a weapons grade f*** nugget this kid is. You could pick 100 random people in the toon and they'd have more clue than you. Not even joking." Lee Ryder: "Err, I can see your confusion, Ant. That's not Tynemouth priory, and I'm not on the beach at King Edward's bay, I'm in the middle east in the desert and that's an, err, old French foreign legion fort that was over ran by Arab warriors in 1865 or something." Josh@ThomsonHouseaccountsdept: "Hi Lee, just a quick one. I've got your expenses for an all day metro ticket to the coast for today but you'll need a receipt for your food and drink at the 'Gibraltar Rock'. Cheers, mate." Lee Ryder: "Err, I'll see you tomorrow at the canteen when I fly back from Abu Dubai, Josh." SheilaRyder1948: "Lee, I'm popping in to the Harbour View. Do you want anything for your tea? I just fancy a chippy. Love, Mam. X " Lee Ryder: "Well, err, that's it for now for my outdoor fact finding mission in the land of Lawrence of Arabia. Until next time. Laters." Lee Ryder: "Can you get me a carton of curry with my fish and chips, mam?"

Bellamy will all of a sudden embrace his NUFC time and remember all the good times I'm sure. Camel face Ferdinand can get to fuck the absolute phoney cunt.

I'm in two minds whether this fucker is actually having us on and is actually quite a funny bloke. Hard to tell with them.

Mackem Rap for Major Major: Ahm a lyrical gangsta from Sunalin way, Never quite sure what ahm going fucking say, Whatever it is, it'll make no sense, Mackem logic, real nonce-sense. About the Mags and Wemb-er-ley The checkatrade and division three, They've never been there since 1999, 2000, 2018 or 2019? I've lost my rhythm, marra, where was I at? Ahm a fucking lower league fan It's as simple as that. The Don is here, he'll sort us out, And what about Methvin, give him a shout! He said Charlton had more fans than us, Said their lads made all the fuss, I reckon a Mag got in his head Made him talk all that shit instead, Cos you can keep your Rafa and your Awab Sheikh, We've got the Don and Charlie and Jack Ross, mate. Ahm not obsessed, ahm not a loon, Ah only wish I was from the toon, Ah shit! ah've said it, it's coming out, Ahm in me muthas bedroom, Knocking one out, In her boyfriend's nufc top, And it's no joke, Those black & white stripes, man Ahm on the vinegar stroke.......Efffffffffff Teeeeeeee.......Emmmmmm.......(flap, flap, spurt).

Is this the love affair over? Expect swillings and glassings next as the penny drops with the locals.

"The deal is done." Said the man whose Grandad starred opposite Peter O'Toole as an extra in Laurence of Arabia in Hollywoods blockbuster in the fifties once. /Knight Ryder

Joselu : "I'm happy here and will fight for my place."

Mackem cat reckons there's a Mag in the stands. He personally saw a scuffle, a lads fan clipped him. Probably took his top off him. Mag acted the cunt chinning very young lads fans and children. Definitely a Mag. I'm positive it happened, marra. He got a right howking off a lads fan. That'll teach the gravy Mag fan.

At fucking work and this is the news about NUFC? I'll believe it when it happens and as has already been said, sports direct signs are getting crowbarred of the walls with street urchins and grandmother's spitting and kicking at them whilst charnley's marched down barrack road in stocks getting jeered and pelted with rotten fruit.