Howmanheyman

I'm just finishing 6 months of a flexible working request I managed to get on compassionate grounds. Your company by law must listen to your request when written down, (they should have a form to fill out) and must give a good business reason why they can't accommodate you. You, therefore, must make it as hard as possible for them to knock you back by stating how your new flexible hours won't impact the business so much. PM me if you need any more help or want to give details privately.

Liked Frankie Boyle's description of him the other day as a 'head injury crossed with an unmade bed'.

Look, don't tell the rest of these knackers, but I've got some shit hot, amazing magic beans. I was going to sell them to CT but I'll do a deal with you seeing I like you. £50 and the tin's yours!

You get sent to San Diego by work I get stuck arguing with a lazy manager about being dictated to regarding what lengths our breaks should be and how we take them. I won't go into details but shit like this happens every time you get put into an unskilled job in another department when we're slack of work. Fucking holocaust of a place I'm at. Question of time before I properly lose my rag and talk myself out of a job. The amount of people who've left the minute they can get their pension is unreal. (Naturally they use some people on zero hour contracts who are scared to say boo to a ghost and treat them like shit). Anyway, enough about my shit! Well done, mate!

Well the last laugh's on me. All that time running around Leeds paying £20 so you could play a glorified game of zombie tuggy has finally paid off! In case you're wondering my stage name is Knacker Dan and I like a dressing room to myself, a fridge with some scran and some ice cold beer for when the curtain comes down.

That Watford shirt looks horrendous and I can't remember them playing in stripes?

Nobodies saying he hasn't got his flaws but at least we'll get a cracking deal from him as he loves Nigel Farage.

Runaraaaahhnd! Or are you talking about speccy DJ, Mike Read?

I'd take a guess that was early 87-88 as the Milburn stand was getting built and we were playing Wimbledon. Fashanu headed a ball from distance it hit the crossbar, came back out hit the keeper who I think was Martin Thomas on the head and went back in. They beat us 2-1.

Should've went up to him and said to your lass very loudly whilst pointing at him, 'Eeee look! It's one of the puffs from the Communards, the one that become a vicar or summink?!' I'm sure he would've loved the recognition, Rob!

Club Tropicana (CT remix '18) Let me take you to the place Where membership's Britain's disgrace Blue flag with lots of stars. Where strangers take you by the hand And welcome you to welfare land From beneath their panamas... Bong boldon parties, drinks are free Fun and sunshine, there's enough for everyone. All that's missing is CT But don't worry he's getting some scran! Immigrants and scroungers meet Then cadge a lift in CTs street Watch question time, Theresa May, Diane Abbott, the dopey coon It's cocktail time, a summer's tune A Brexit holiday. Bong boldon parties, drinks are free Fun and sunshine, there's enough for everyone. All that's missing is the CT But don't worry, he's getting some scran! Bong boldon parties, drinks are free Fun and sunshine, there's enough for everyone. All that's missing is CT But don't worry, he's getting some scran! Pack your bags And leave tonight. Take back control Gotta move your feet, don't you miss the flight! Pack your bags And leave tonight. Take back control Gotta move your feet, the EUs shite. Uncool, uncool, uncool, uncool Bong boldon parties, drinks are free Fun and sunshine, there's enough for everyone. All that's missing is CT But don't worry, he's getting some scran! Uncool, uncool, uncool, uncool Uncool, uncool, uncool, uncool...

Seems to be the odd duck egg getting about here these days. They always seem to be conservatives and stink of brexit with zany controversial views. Regardless their patter fucking honks.

“The start of the trouble coincided with the arrival of a double-decker bus, sponsored by the Sun, playing the national anthem and handing out bowler hats.” Gotta love the old carrent bun, aincha?

If/when they get around to streaming individual clubs home & away, (it might work better for away games only to pacify nervous clubs worried about losing match going supporters), then that would be a breakthrough and guarantee broadcasters and clubs a good revenue as I'm sure a lot of people would be happy to subscribe to a legit service with guaranteed quality pictures. The only caveat I'd put in is they'd have to do it with some kind of equality payments to all clubs with maybe only a small percentage of extras for whatever criteria they want to use. It's doubtful the rich clubs would let it happen especially when there's the odd subservient club around outside their 'top 6' who'll play ball as long as they get some crumbs off the table which would please their lying, greedy, unambitious, (and possibly obese) owners.

Aye, I'm sure they'll have the mackem version of 'who do you think you are' on the case looking for Wearside relatives with close ups on Sammy filling up as they describe how his great aunt lived in abject poverty and deprivation in Hendon throughout the 2000s.

Lee Ryder: 'understand the sluggish transfer movement from Newcastle United the last couple of years can be traced to Lee Charnley being traumatised at the court hearing in the Gutierrez v NUFC case. Professor Fish from the Blyth film institute describes Charnley's condition as 'Spiderman fatigue'.

Lee Ryder: 'Understand Lee Charnley, the supremo at the cathedral on the hill is trying to ward off Everton who are peppering a bid for Jamaal 'they shall not pass' Lascelles. Figures of £30m would probably be enough to be repelled if the captain courageous move goes ahead.....what?.....aye, two minutes, Mala, am just tweeting the transfer latest for me puntaz.'

CT has had concussion since I first joined toontastic a few years ago.

It's that time of the year again, here's one for @ewerk @Ant @Kevin Carr's Gloves and @PaddockLad......

@Christmas Tree

Germany might or might not win it but they've probably got the best shirt this WC. (Anyone mentioning Nigeria's can go and sit on the naughty step before they even think about posting).

Just watched 'One night on Turin' on the history channel. Brilliant watch, Gary Oldman narrating the documentary. It was verging on corniness the odd spell but the majority of it was superb, it's about 2 hours long and the best bits for me in no particular order were: Showing the press up for being cunts to Sir Bobby mainly but also the players. Well done. Showing and presenting Gazza with just NUFC footage of his club football and if you didn't know any better you'd think he went to Italy as a Newcastle United player as there was fuck all mention whatsoever of Spurs. Seeing a rare interview of the late, great Jackie Milburn speaking about Gazza. The footage could've been better of the football but it was still good. And last but not least, showing up the cretinous and odious Colin Moynihan and Thatcher's mob, but particularly the short arse cunt, Moynihan, for the way they obviously hated the average football fan back then going as far to thanking the Italian police for battering the fuck out of the England fans and deporting them completely indiscriminately. (246 were deported one night which by a strange coincidence was the exact same number of seats on a pre-booked plane the Italians had chartered). A great watch, get on it.

Great post isn't it? Fucking hell, they are actually morphing into Gollum so eaten up and bitter they've become. The only difference is one says 'my precious' whilst they adopted 'Mags' and 'FTM' instead.

Think @Meenzer mentioned all the world cup documentaries that's on the history channel at the minute some of which are getting recorded plus there's a premier 100 club shows featuring everyone from Kane to Rooney, from Dwight York to Emile Heskey through to Ryan Giggs, Stevie G and Fowler, (You get the drift.) Some of the PL 100 shows are repeated. Anyway, I went through the schedule to find Shearer, I obviously started from today and saw the likes of Peter Crouch etc and saw multi repeats of these players shows every day and night. Eventually got to the show about Shearer which is on next Sat. At 6am.