Howmanheyman

Had a recorded video interview. If this is the future I'm fucked! Horrendous.

I quite like Gabby Logan as it happens, Crouch seems a decent lad as well. I'm fucked if I'll watch that, though.

As they say in Warsaw, 'tuff shitski'. Family comes 1st, 2nd 3rd and 4th. Sounds to me like your place has a lack of employees to cover which is of their own making, no doubt. Fuck'em.

There really is a cabal of mysterious Tyneside businessman who plot alongside local authorities to keep Wearside in Tyneside's economic and cultural shadow.

Didn't hear a lot of 'getting behind the team' from what I saw of the game.

Everton must have one of the biggest weirdo online presence in the PL iyam. It's very similar to the online mackem MO and I reckon the underlying reasons are the same. Bizarre.

Why the fuck would anyone venture into the town on a Sunday afternoon to start drinking if you weren't going to the game? (Unless it was a lovely day and you were off on the Monday or something?)

I could see Mike Hooper in it, tbf.

I don't think you know what blob means?

This summer..... ....brought to you by superhero studios.... .....a Jerry shithouser production.... .....you're going to need a bigger boat.... .....and a bigger keg..... SUPERFISH Drinking oceans and craft beer casks* dry at wedding season events near you. * craft beer served in real glasses not thimbles. Superfish reserves the right to review microbrewery on his podcast. Reviews may not be favourable.

Maybe it's my general weariness and surrender to Ashley but I just couldn't give a fuck atm about this kid and Joe Linton. In fact I fear the worst as I reckon it'll not work out and we'll have three individuals with at least two not putting in the required graft and it being all Cabella/Thauvin again. Imagine if they had've let Rafa judge what the team/squad needed? (Amazing concept, I understand).

Breaking: Northumbria police release picture of suspected peeping tom loitering in the bushes in Benton near the NUFC training ground..... "The lengths ah go to for me loyal puntaz! Lol."

I ditched Netflix so hope it's true. Mackem one: "Am torn, marra, wa fuckan shite and it's ganna show wa fuckan pramoshin up and mackin tits of waselves at Wembley twice, but ah still cannat wayat for Netflix and that mint song and ahl the new MLF's ahl owa the werld who'll can't help falling in love with us, Sunlin...Sunlin!" Mackem Two: "Netflix have pulled it, marra." Mackem One: "Am fuckan glad, marra. Something the Mags would be on, not a classy club. It'll be the fuckan magedia tryna mak us look stewpid. FTM."

Never heard of them and I'm just round the corner.

You can't buy journalism like this. It's a natural gift.

When we want to hear from you we'll chuck you a banana or some peanuts.

It's the 2015-16 reboot by mike, barnes and charnaz. Expect fatty to make a profit when we go down with the sky money and the transfer fees in his back pocket.

Haven't read, won't bother reading it. Ashley is a lying cunt, we all know so what's the point? Samuel is a fat cunt with previous one NUFC, it would be a different matter entirely if Ashley owned West Ham but there you go, a pity the petrol bomb missed.

When Bruce's star was at his highest and he was a potential 'up-and-coming' new manager there's no question in my mind he would've been hoping to be the right man at the right time depending on when Ferguson called it a day. I think most footballers end up 'supporting' the team they had their best times with rather than their boyhood team* as most pro's would've been playing/training on weekends as teenage lads rather than getting up to no good with their mates going to watch their side when your allegiances are cemented and Bruce is a good examples IMO. Take Bruce, Barton and Supermac. Barton supported Arsenal, Supermac Fulham and Bruce supported us. All three of those mentioned I'd say are much more fond of another club than the ones they grew up supporting as bairns. *Obviously doesn't count for the likes of Shearer, Gerrard etc.

Black fans going to our games in the 80s/early 90s were as rare as rocking horse shit so good luck with finding them.

Brucie's bonus press conference Lee Marshall: "OK folks, you know the drill, no takeover questions, no Mike Ashley questions and keep it clean, please, after all, we aren't Joe Kinnear! OK, Newcastle United manager....Steve Bruce!" Steve Bruce: "Hi everyone, pleased to meet you all again." Chris Waugh: "Hi Steve, how does...." Knight Ryder: "Cough, fucking cough!.....(glares at Waugh)....Welcome to the Toon, Brucey. Trinity Mirror regional sports writer of the year, Lee Ryder here, How does it feel to be back wor kid?" SB: "It feels great to be honest, I've always loved Newcastle as they were my boyhood club. Growing up as a Geordie it was my dream to play for them. In fact I can't think of anyone in here more Geordie than myself to be honest with you! Hahaha." Knight Ryder: "What aboot me? Ah was a toon army footsoldier long before ah was a shit hot award winning sports journalist. Are you more Geordie than me?" SB: "Where you from, son?" Knight Ryder: "Seaton Delaval." SB: "Hahaha. I'm definitely more Geordie than you, sonna. I'm from Daisy Hill in Walker, as a kid if you were on a bike it was either stolen or in danger of being stolen. We weren't poshies from the coast!" Luke Edwards: "Is it true you personally transformed the career of a young Andy Robertson, the Liverpool full back and Klopp has you to thank for Liverpool's fantastic champions league winning season?" SB: "Well that's very kind of you, Luke....." Knight Ryder: "So how many times did you wag it from school then, Walker hardman?" Lee Marshall: "One at a time, please gentleman!" SB: "Well, ah helped Andy out but I'm sure Jurgen had a bit to do with it as well. Also ah wagged it about twenty times." Knight Ryder: "Twenty? Is that it? Ah wagged it about thirty times all through school, wor kid. How's that Geordie asseseman, err, assismin, err working going now, like?" SB: "Twenty times in just the 2nd year of Benfield school, kidda." John Carver: "ARE YOU MORE G...G...GEORDIE THAN ME! EH? AHLL TEK ANY CUNT ON! (HIC!) FUCK YIZ AHLL. AH SHOULD BE UP THERE, (HIC), UP THERE!" LM: "Hi security! Lee Marshall here, can someone please escort JC back down to the kitchens, please. Think he's been siphoning off the guests whisky again. Cheers." George Caulkin: "How much of the decision to take the job was based on your parents being from here?" SB: "Well it played a part, I couldn't have....." Knight Ryder: "That was just in the juniors! Twenty times in the juniors! Ask Mala, he'll tell ya!" SB: "Err, I couldn't have made it without the support of my folks." Keith Downie: "Understand reports say that Mike Ashley will give you a £100M war chest. How much was his backing and steadying the ship as well as being a sound businessman a factor in you taking the job?" SB: "Obviously a big part but I've full control of the club transfers and everything." Lee Marshall: "Sorry, everyone..... (Whispers).....Steve, Lee Charnley says he'll agree to a pay-as-you-play deal for Carroll and that's all you can have. Carr's doing the rest." SB: "For fucks sake, err, I mean Lee charnley's trying to get a couple of my targets as we speak. Hopefully can get them over the line." Lee Marshall: "Ok folks, that's it for today, well see you next time." Knight Ryder: "How many tabs did you smoke at school, then? Eh? Eh How many....?" Lee Marshall: "Sorry, Lee, that's all for now." Knight Ryder: "Laters."

Football genius strikes again.

Reporting you to the NSPCC, mate. (You mustn't love your nephew treating him to Ashley's gruel).

U ok, babes? DM me. (I'll not @ JC)