Howmanheyman

In other news, the Pope announces to the world that he's Catholic.

I was taking the piss.

Signed him on a free get out clause didn't we? From Sunderland. Bit of a rare chance to get some good publicity and they ended up getting dicked. Penny wise, pound stupid.

17 suckers.

Kirk Douglas, 103 years old finally checks out. Some boy, Kirk. RIP.

I'm pinching that.

50/50 whether this should be in the football section or this thread, tbh.

I'm at work, can't say I'm too disappointed to miss watching it either.

Logs on to his gambling accounts, sees the odds......boom! There's another article for the punters.

👍

"Who do you think it is, like?"

I've heard that old soldiers are starting a charity called 'help for hangers-on'. It's a charity that encourages military hangers-on to seek psychiatric help through counselling and medically approved drugs to wean them off their addiction to 'our boys' and images of the Union Jack. Please, if you can, think about donating to this worthy cause. Thank you.

He just wants you to consider and remember some things.

.....DOG HITS ITV BUTTON INSTEAD OF BBC1 BUTTON. MAN FURIOUS.

Players play for Klopp and Pep and become better players for it, very much like players did twenty odd years ago for the scandalously underrated* Kevin Keegan. I agree completely about the 5-1 game, he looked like a little boy getting a lesson from the big lads and it's to his credit what he's achieved since. *Underrated by fans of other clubs and football supporters who weren't around to see the true context of what he did, where we came from and how he did it. You sometimes get the odd condescending look from the odd younger FIFA NUFC fan who only knows we were entertainers and thinks his biggest achievement was ranting 'I love it' whilst every Newcastle United fan cringed. If they were truly kids you'd want to box their lugs and send them off with a massive bollocking.

I'd say he's more hungry for fame and attention. (Not saying he's not after cash as well).

So Lee, how was the match today? Anything you noticed about the side or Bruce's tactics? Ok, err, thanks for that Lee, I'll err.....oh I tell you what! Can you get Mark Douglas to pop in with the match report instead, err, I mean with his piece about, err..... Blyth Spartans! Yes, that's it, Blyth Spartans. Cheers Lee.

Local boy managing his team in the premier League and doing a good job is a great story and all that but enough about Sheffield United, watching us lately is fucking painful. We're in big trouble next season if we do stay up as I can't see West Brom, Leeds and whoever all doing as shit. We'll be relying on someone like Brighton to be just as bad. Imagine this time next year? '.... No news on the alleged takeover from the Mysterious Middle Eastern Sheikh Uweve Bin Ahd but on the transfer front it's been a good window for Newcastle getting some cunt on loan who can't get a game, another cunt from that Europe on loan who can't get a game and £30m on some cunt nobody's heard of who's only 22 and the club's 14th midfielder in the squad but who can also play up front and might have a good sell on profit with luck. Back to you, Jim.'

Ashley's going fucking nowhere.

We've moved up to 10th place after that.