Howmanheyman

Ah, Poon's! As featured in a 2015 excerpt from the secret diary. (🎵Mammaries! light the corners of my mind, misty water-coloured mammeries....🎶) The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 31/03/2015 Well, just when it goes quiet around the roller coaster ride of NUFC then along comes a derby, the financial results and an unexpected interview with a Toon legend. Ah was nipping into Gosforth for a lunch time special chinkees at Poons which Eddie Eats had recommended to me the other day in the Thomson house bait room. It's not often that the fat cunt turns his nose up at any kind of bait but even he seemed to be drooling at their Hot & Spicy Chicken with Chilli & Sesame Oil with a portion of fried rice and prawn crackers. She-who-must-be-fed, (or Mrs Eats to you and me), had Sweet & Sour King Prawns. Ah was obviously going to ask for mine to have extra chilli on as the Ryder has everything extra hot on account of not being a puff. Anyways, as ah was walking down Gossy High street ah heard a Spanish sounding voice say, "No! It's NOL-berto SOL-ano, not NOR-berto SOR-ano" to a confused looking fan who couldn't pronounce Nobby's moniker. Right enough, it was our old trumpet playing Peruvian hero of yesteryear. "How! Nobby!" ah shouted ower the road. "Can ah have a quick chat, mate? It's Lee! Lee Ryder of the Chronicle! You remember me, mate?" Nobby said aye he did and agreed to have a quick chat, ah quickly said ah'd get to the other side of the road but Nobby said ah was already ON the other side of the road before chuckling to himself. Great craic as ever from the Nobmeister. He ended up going into Poons with me but just had a bottle of Tsingtao beer as he'd already had dinner. Ah was halfway through me scran when Nobby said the Toon would have to spend the new profits they'd announced on players as the team was "leetle bit sheet, Senor Ryder". Ah'd completely missed the news about the profits but Peru's finest export was filling me in on the details which yet again just showed how vital it was having the right contacts and one of the reasons some of us won journalistic awards and some of us named Cameron, Edwards or Caulkin, err, didn't, lol. Ah quickly buzzed Cams when ah went forra piss and he confirmed the story and said he was going to do piece on it whilst ah telt him ah'd get the legends take on it as well making up a 'five players we can buy with the £18M' write up. Poor Cams would get the boring accountant stuff, ah'd get the Legend/player speculation story which ah knew forra fact me loyal readers would lap up far more than the Maths geek shite Cams was getting stuck with. Fuck me diary, ah was only going forra chinkees yet ah got an unexpected NUFC gold plated story handed on a fine China plate! Ah was ganna do a piece on derbies of the past and give Micky Quinn a bell for some quotes but as ah was ahead of the game ah thought ah'd save it for the morra and head off down the club instead forra a few post scran bevvies and a game of Jimmy Juker instead, aye diary, up there for thinking, doon there for dancing! The boy Ryder, keeping one step firmly ahead of the rest! Laters.

A sparky I worked with about 15 years was a big Spenny fan as it happens. Sound lad as well but I'd be fucked with traveling to Spennymoor.

Drive past Newcastle Benfield and Heaton Stan very regularly and am a ten min walk from Benfield but I heard Gene goes there now so I might take in a Heaton game in the future instead.

It was Dr Fu-Manchu wot did it.

He mentions Gayle for a laugh. Gayle would 100% be one of their all-time greats had he played for them, scored a few goals and won them the 2nd Division title whereas here, he'll never have anywhere near the status of a Shearer, Cole, Ferdinand, Beardsley etc, etc.

Are you not thinking of Peter Crouch?

'the stellar names go on' Imagine being a Sunderland fan trying to take the piss out of our CF's through the years? We've had some genuinely top class forwards in my lifetime and when you compare theirs to ours it's like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt. Phillips was good for a couple of years, Defoe was ok, Gabbiadini was a good 2nd Division player and err......

First of the rich energy signings being unleashed.

🎵 I'm the King of the Clurb!🎶

'I love my dear old, mum, bless her, but what about any unexpected bills if she dies?' Sure I'll get the house but I'll have to pay for it to get done out. I'm not made of money! Luckily SunLife were there to squeeze the fucker out of her pension money for insurance. Well, it's not like she uses it for anything else these days other than buying the sun and nutting the pavement when she trips over manhole covers.'

Sunderland echo.

The last photo, man. Like a sunlife assurance advert.

He'll be round tomorrow with some flowers, chocolates and a copy of the sun to cheer you up.

Anyone lose anybody in a care home to coronavirus helped by a useless government? WELL NEVER MIND THAT SHIT!!!!.........

Nice to meet you.

Still not as good as this punch.....

'The road to Wembley pull out in the evening chronicle tomorrow starts off with a preview of Blackburn Rovers at home and a date with former Magpie starlet and young Geordie, Adam Armstrong with the incentive of a trip to play a certain Joseph Barton once of the parish of the cathedral on the hill and wearer of THAT tache when he scored against Aston Villa in the revenge 6-0 dribbling following the relegation 'Sob on the Tyne' - Gate. Also read what former NUFC and Blackburn striker Louis Saha makes of the tie.'

Ernest Borgnine btw.

There's a video of the Maga's getting an unexpected wash somewhere. I'll have a look. Here it is.

It's been christened 'Dumbkirk' so I see.

Who are they playing?

Tyler went to work for BskyB a new satellite channel that no fucker had. He was always average despite Sky implying he's a master of his art. (Better than 'Fletch' of BT but a bluebottle that's just flew into my house is better than Fletcher).

Official attendance: 30,536

I could just see Gove going in the Raby or the Grace, getting a pint while he buys a pouch of Golden Virginia baccy from one of the lerculs.