Howmanheyman

Richard Keys, man. What a fucking knacka.

Is it weird you're after?

I'd say the mackem just shades it on this one. Tragic league division one: MLF Jake 2-1 Rich Energy Walter Mitty MotM Jake wins a case of rich energy. The loser get two cases.

I worked with a literal half wit who said Asamoah Gyan was better than Demba Ba. You can't argue with that level of stupid. One ended up at the CL champions Chelsea and the other at some club in Abu Dhabi.

He's shit isn't he? When BskyB were recruiting and ended up with Tyler and Keys I'm not saying they were struggling to get the best talent but Keys did the sports bit after the news on TV am struggling to take his eyes off Ulrika Jonnson and Tyler was a decidedly average commentator on ITV. Keys would have you think he was innovative and blah blah blah but he was obviously all they could get, ditto Tyler.

Apparently some of them have tried to start a 'debate' claiming Sessegnon was better than ASM because.....well...... I've no idea why? (Now I'm not saying they are wrong but I don't think ASM will get sold to.......checks notes....... West Bromwich Albion).

👌

I'm not a football hooligan at all but one of their lot was saved from a sore jaw by the fact a bairn was very close by. Absolute epitome of the classic cockney wanker and caked his pants when pulled up. Most gutted I've been coming out of a match is between this and the 1990 play off.

The wife had an elderly great uncle who was Polish. Never noticed any racism about him Whatsoever but the bloke lived some life being held at one point held by the Soviets and then the Nazis then getting over here to get back in Europe and fought in Monte Cassino among other places. Lovely bloke.

Take away his NUFC time and he's still excruciatingly awful to listen to. How the fuck someone thought he'd make a good 'pundit' absolutely beats the shit out of me.

No, I only helped where it was donkey work and I was off plus painting etc when done. I knew just about everyone who had to do jobs so that helped as if there was a fuck up it wouldn't be left like that as they'd have to face me in the future!

CT likes this. 👍

He's one of those people where the tradesman claps his hands together then starts rubbing them as soon as he looks at him.

I feel your pain.

Well it was easier on the eye but HOLD THE FUCKING PRESSES AND NEVER STOP HOLDING THEM......... This is what separates the men from the boys, the Hopes from the Ryders. 👏👏

'If patta was watta he's the fucking Sahara desert.'

Unlike my Murphys, he's bitter as fuck.

J69, your head must be battered. (I'd be up a height). Hope it works out as smoothly as possible and you can look back and laugh when you're completely settled at the new place.

Old school. 👌

ETH ETH ETH ETH ETH ETH ETH ETH, ETH ETH ETH ETH, Chris Waddle.

When are they finishing the pipe?

I've worked with a few 'tall story' merchants but a few were real characters to be fair. The real work wankers are as funny as toothache and could never have you laughing. One old workmate told a tale about stealing a fire engine in Cairo and driving around in it to impress a 'Russian' princess he later shagged. Another old navy sweat told us a tale about a pet monkey called Gus which had us on the floor laughing. Apparently he traded a little monkey with some natives offshore in Africa, he knitted a red velvet waistcoat for it and they were besties at sea and he was basically Gus's dad. Then they arrived months later at Liverpool and someone said he couldn't bring Gus ashore so he handed Gus over to a passing tugboat and that was that. Years later, coming into Liverpool he looked onshore at some bushes at dawn and saw this massive gorilla like creature with little bits of ripped red velvet around it's shoulders. 'Gus?' he shouted and the beast obviously heard him and recognised his voice as it became quite animated beating it's chest and waving back at him.

More intelligent than the swimmer's son.

Worked with someone who reckoned his dad jumped overboard a ship docked just off Malta to swim there for a night out. Got halfway to shore and he was getting tired and a passing dolphin sensing him struggling gave him a lift. It was also on hand to help him swim back when he was full of blooter.