Howmanheyman

I've worked with a few 'tall story' merchants but a few were real characters to be fair. The real work wankers are as funny as toothache and could never have you laughing. One old workmate told a tale about stealing a fire engine in Cairo and driving around in it to impress a 'Russian' princess he later shagged. Another old navy sweat told us a tale about a pet monkey called Gus which had us on the floor laughing. Apparently he traded a little monkey with some natives offshore in Africa, he knitted a red velvet waistcoat for it and they were besties at sea and he was basically Gus's dad. Then they arrived months later at Liverpool and someone said he couldn't bring Gus ashore so he handed Gus over to a passing tugboat and that was that. Years later, coming into Liverpool he looked onshore at some bushes at dawn and saw this massive gorilla like creature with little bits of ripped red velvet around it's shoulders. 'Gus?' he shouted and the beast obviously heard him and recognised his voice as it became quite animated beating it's chest and waving back at him.

More intelligent than the swimmer's son.

Worked with someone who reckoned his dad jumped overboard a ship docked just off Malta to swim there for a night out. Got halfway to shore and he was getting tired and a passing dolphin sensing him struggling gave him a lift. It was also on hand to help him swim back when he was full of blooter.

Wait till he tells you about the time Vera Lynn sang to him and the rest of the lads on Normandy beach a couple of weeks after they'd taken it good and proper.

Hard to believe Ipswich Town have sunk to the same depths as Sunderland.

Bruce on talksport? Nice, mutually beneficial relationship for both parties. I wonder who instigated it and what their motives were? Pack of wankers.

Did the sun win employer of the year that year? They fucking should have. A political target or scapegoat? We'll come at you with every dirty, underhand trick in the book. Work for us and murder your spouse? We'll keep you employed and pay for your QC in a trial. Horrible cunts.

Except for that time when he got relegated with notts county which doesn't seem to count as it wasn't the PL. Convenient for him. Till now.

BBC2......21.00......2024...... Paxman: "When Harry Kane was transferred to Manchester United in 2022 and was replaced by Callum Wilson from Newcastle United, who first broke the news?" [MAGDALEN, TORRANCE-SMYTH!!] Torrance-Smyth: "Omm, was it BillyMarraFTM on twitter?" Paxman: "Close but wrong, it was essembee on toontastic".

Here's a little thread which only reinforces my suspicions about this sky made programme. Haven't seen it as I don't have sky and can't say I'm losing any sleep over it.

A new low.

Twittersphere Lineker: "Well I don't think @AlanShearer will be too happy about that @Nufc game? 😂" replies: BillyMarraFTM: "There never happy, Gary! Ashleys spent millions but they want muslamic extreemists for owners, Gary. one reply. BillyMarraFTM: "Whats wrong Gary? Dont reply to the fans who were here before the mags were formed in 1992? Are you going to house one of them asylum seekers then? Eh? How much do the BBC pay you? Use that too put them up! FTM. 🇬🇧🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇺🇲🇮🇱

Whenever they dive in a NUFC conversation with a 'famous' twitter account with the usual MLF crack which has fuck all to do with the subject they always come out looking like sad bastards and I always hope the famous person reads the replies as it'll kill them their Mag riposte has spectacularly backfired as they cling on to the notion that everyone loves them but hates the mags, marra.

+1

I was hoping for a couple of photos saying which one was which, BD.

Danny Baker made an off hand comment about NUFC fans being proper football fans would've been thinking 'here we go' when Leicester got one back with 10 mins to go followed by an MLF straight away jumping into it saying we're not proper fans as we've spent all year praying for Kashoggi's murderers to take us over. They're like a stale fart that won't just drift away aren't they? Anyone vaguely famous who comments on NUFC and they're like that fucking Mourinho gif where he's drinking a bottle in the dugout then leaps up and races out of the dugout towards the fourth official.

Always get Una Stubbs and Isla St Claire mixed up. One was Aunt Sally and the other on the generation game wasn't it? (Bizarre how this links in to a fight in the 80s via our game at Leicester in 2021).

We did the Easter rising at school and the hunger strikes I'm sure as well, late 80s.

Someone phone Leicester City at HT with an urgent phone call for Bruce.

giddup! Only a HT team talk can fuck this now.

Tremendous by Willock.

We've had a good ten minutes.

Sitter, absolute sitter.

Andy Townsend thinks Leicester will have to be careful as we're very dangerous counter attacking! Commentator reckons we haven't been in the actual bottom three for months and months. Fucking hell! I'm starting to get excited about NUFC again!