Howmanheyman

"Well diary, ah was the victim of a honey trap, the other day. Hell's Bells the editor asked me to drop in to see her and ah was positive it was a response to the 'meebees meet up for a drink after work?' line ah gave her last week. Nee such luck, she's mentioned a few times about us doing newsletters to help the sinking Ronny Gill get traffic but ah'd managed to evade it like a dropped shoulder from one Peter Beardsley once of the shrine of St. James' Park but this time she had iz by the balls but not in the way ah'd invisag, invisual, err saw coming. After agreeing to do it she then suggested ah put out a leaflet campaign to promote it as not ah'll me loyal punters were on social media. Being an intrepid reporter you get to basically be a manager as well so ah got on the phone to an old mate, 'Hoppalong' who worked at an employment agency, he didn't have a limp or owt, his name was Davey Cassidy, and asked him to supply is with a kid forra day just to deliver the leaflets. Ah'd given him the email address for accounts to bill and made it known ah'd be expecting a couple of pints 'Holy Peroni' from him next time ah seen him in the club for the business ah was putting his way. Anyways, eventually a kid gets sent up from reception and ah asked his name? 'Wazis' he gans. Ah laughed and said "wos-zeeze? They're fucking leaflets you're going to deliver forriz, wor kid!" and had a little chuckle whilst my former apprentice, Chris Waugh who'd popped in to say hello shook his head. Even now he's left for the athletic he probably still can't believe the craic he used to get here. Anyways, later on that day there was a complaint from some miserable cunt from the coast saying some kid had dumped a big bag of leaflets in his front garden and it was attracting a load of seagulls. Y'knaa what it fucking is?! Hoppalong must've sent the first useless cunt he had who couldn't even talk English and he'd took the bit and just dumped my stuff first opportunity. Ah half admired his style to be honest so ah said fuck ah'll to Hoppalong, telt Hell's Bells it'd been sorted then quickly typed oot some generic shite for the newsletter and was in the club at seven bells waiting for a certain Mr Cassidy to hit the mahogany and get me a pint or two! Lol. Contacts, yiv gotta have friends with fucking dividends. Laters."

Sounds canny, I'll give it a look.

Without looking it up, I wouldn't know what nationality Origi is either, tbf.

'Coward' was the nickname of the manager of the 'County' on Walker road from Viz fame. (2nd hand info, I've never drank in there).

I can't abide him and 'Pep'. Klopp on form seems a canny enough bloke but he's been a stroppy cunt and a belittling one almost from the start at Liverpool, pip just makes mundane questions awkward by being awkward with the reporters. Captain Scarlett at arsenal is going the same way.

Bukkake so I've heard. Rich donors bid for cabinet face juice.

I reckon parody Mike Ashley would be the most clued up on who we're signing. (After Wraith and the Knight, obviously).

Longstaff is an eighties throwback who was a young dad in his twenties but looked like a bloke in his forties. (Been playing like a bloke in his forties too).

I'm quite happy having Wood and Lukaku.

Just waiting for the go ahead from Henry Mauriss.

Willock is second season Kenedy.

Ull just equalised against the Scouse mackems. (There was a 'Rafa, get out of our club' banner in the away end. Disappeared presumably when they went 2-1 up, might see it back up in minute).

This game is as bad as I've watched in my time watching us in the cup and we've had some shockers.

That's the hope, any pats on the back of a good performance v Man U and complacency put in it's place by that showing today. If they use it right I'll live with it when I've calmed down but some of these look shot.

LOOK! WE'RE IN THE HUFF, OK?!

I was only a young teen but remember Paul Stephenson being a winger for us who could beat a full back but let the full back get back up and have another go at getting the ball back. He had the skill but not the pace. ASM has both but unfortunately has a brain the size of a pea when it comes to decision making. Blatantly indulged by the cabbage so no surprise he was wounded when he was sacked.

Couldn't agree more.

You heard it here first. 👍

Woeful, abysmal, dire, atrocious and a total embarrassment. I can't even get mad at some of these as they're just not good enough, like telling a child off for not being able to fix a leaky roof.

Utter cacka.

This is Sunderland levels of relegation, this team doesn't get sufficient replacements we'll be nowhere near staying up.

This is so, so bad it's unreal.

These are 12th in the third division and we're at home, terrible for much needed confidence.

New keeper, left back, centre half, central midfielder and striker required otherwise we're doomed. Absolutely atrocious side, FCB has left the ultimate shit sandwich.