Howmanheyman

A private jet has about twenty minutes of fuel left before it's about to crash, there's four passengers on board the stricken aircraft but only three parachutes. The passengers discuss their options but realise one of them is going to miss out on safety. The first passenger doesn't mess around, he says, 'I'm Cristiano Ronaldo, I have millions of fans all around the world who would miss me if I die.' So with that he grabs the first chute and jumps out. No sooner than he does that the next man says, 'I'm President Trump, the greatest and smartest president in the history of the United States of America, my people couldn't live if their president died.' He then grabs the second chute and jumps out. The third person is Kevin Keegan and the last person is a young lad. Keegan says to the boy, 'I've lived most of my life, son, you've got yours ahead of you, you take the last chute and make the most of your life.' The kid then says, 'Its alright King Kev, there's parachutes for us both, the greatest and smartest president in the history of the United States of America took my satchel instead.'

The Ballad of Wykiki "But where do you go to my loveleh? When you're with that Callum int' bed Tell me t' thoughts that surround you I want to look inside your head, yes i do. I remember the back streets of Leeds Two young tykes begging in't rags Both touched with burning ambition To shake off their lowly-borne tags, they try So look in thy face Marie-Claire And remember just who you are Then go and forget me forever But I know you still bear the scar, deep inside, yes you do I know where you go to my loveleh When you're with that Callum in us bed I know the thoughts that surround you 'Cause I can look inside your head."

Obviously if it was Wykiki who was there the back streets of Naples would become the back streets of Leeds.

Reminds me of walking through the kitchen trying to pinch some food on a Sunday while my mam was cooking the Sunday dinner and listening to 'Saviles travels' or Alan Freeman's golden oldie shows on the radio.

Change Chamonix for St Moritz, turn Wayne Rooney into The Aga Khan, your mate can be Sacha Distel and Marie Claire becomes Colleen Rooney and maybe chuck in Marlene Dietrich and you have the lyrics to a potential song. Did he he have a laugh with Wayne and Colleen and go 'ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha' by any chance?

Watched the first two of the American primeval last night, enjoyed it but not sure what the limited series means? Is it just a new term for mini series?

How we see Claudia Winkelman...... How Wykiki sees her.....

If he was on sky with more time I'd expect a lot more NUFC stuff from him and expect him to make sure the producer was under no illusion it was going to be anything other than that. There's a few red mancs don't like Neville, some blue ones might not think Micah Richards is all that and a few like yourself, (and sometimes me) think Shearer needs to start being a little less on the fence with NUFC. I'm sure they'd say they can't appear to be too bias?

Don't make excuses.

For someone who did a lot of sitting and thinking he wasn't very good at it.....

You'd have to listen to his podcast first....

Left out Lee Dixon in my list, he's a combination of Danny Murphy/Lawrenson in that he doesn't seem bothered to be at a game, a combination of most of the red pundits who only care about their ex-red teams and make it all about those sides and who was a cunt as a player too. (Arsenal).

Has anyone on here actually watched this YouTube wannabe boxing bilge? Come on, own up.

Charlie Nicholas was hopeless, the De Jong fuck up he once said was typical of him.

I genuinely don't care about their sex, if they're shit they're shit. Tbh they're no worse than half of the knackers already mentioned.

Could've went third if only for a day, by tomorrow night we could be sixth.

Probably easier to mention the ones who are half decent or tolerable? Anyway, in no particular order of shit pundits: Steve Mcmanaman: Cunt (Liverpool) Michael Owen: cunt, boring. (Liverpool and Man U, depends who's playing). Savage: Cunt. (Thinks he's Man U). Merson: Cunt, Thick, blancmange for a brain. (Arsenal, sometimes Villa, never Boro). Carragher: Cunt, aggressive (when Liverpool are criticised), likes to hockle. (Liverpool and sometimes Everton). Gary Neville: Not an outward cunt but thinks Sky Sports is his platform to waffle about 'Yanaahted' all day and night. (Man U). Keane: Cunt, dismissive of every cunt and any cunt, entitled as fuck regarding Man U, Roy, they're shit mate. (Man U). Alan Smith: ZZZzzzzzzz (Arsenal) Keown.: Tries to appear reasonable until arsenal are mentioned in a negative manner then he doesn't like it.(Arsenal). Redknaap: Engages tongue before brain, (Liverpool and Tottenham) Joe Cole: See Redknaap. (Chelsea) R Ferdinand: Cunt, thinks he'd have been a fashion designer if not a footballer so thick as fuck. (Man U, never West Ham or Leeds United). Murphy: as has been said, son of Lawrenson. (Liverpool, very occasionally Spurs). Scholes: Cunt, like Keane can't handle Man U being shit, doesn't think he's there to talk about anything or anyone that isn't 'Yanaahted'. (Man U). Haven't bothered with the non-entities on talk sport. Very noticeable that they're heavily weighted towards a few clubs ex-players.

Is this you @sammynb or is it @Gemmill? Could it be @Renton? My head's still battered from yesterday's Bournemouth battering.

7th here we come.

A week off then Southampton away to put this game behind us. Never felt confident about today but wasn't expecting just how bad it was going to be.

Nice pass to them for their third.

The amount of times one of our lot have had their pockets picked.

The ref, man.