Howmanheyman

If Man Utd can have DHL on training jackets and the seats on the bench then we'll have the same. 👍

And finally, m'lud, the last piece, of many pieces of evidence in the 'wanting to be Geordies' case is.......

Ah, Anita. Memories...... [Mist envelopes then slowly fades]...... The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 05/10/2014 Well diary, ah had a bit of a field trip today in the never ending quest to keep my readers up to date with all things black & white, where did ah gan, eh? St. James' Park? Benton training ground? a NUFC presser? Nah, none of that shit, Ryder's well ahead of the game, ah set off to the Metrocentre to kill two birds with one stone, one is to get some NUFC info, the other is to get me Mam something forra birthday. Ah walk into Nando's to get some scran and then eat and wait, ah wait to grab a surprise interview with the first player that I see in there. Ah'm no mug, ah knaa there'll be one along soon, there always is. Ah'm halfway through me Butterfly Burger, a freshly baked Portuguese roll loaded with skin-on, flame-grilled chicken breasts, topped with tomato and lettuce. It's big. It's available on its own or with 1 or 2 regular sides. Ah plumps for garlic bread and fries on the side and have the chicken extra hot as what's the point in being a fanny? Anyway, as ah says, ah'm halfway through it when bingo! Mehdi Abeid walks in! Ah grabs me plate and sits next to him, "Mehdi!, How's it going, mate? Great game the other day, mate! Fucking class you looked." Abeid starts to say something about fancying a Burger King instead and is about to make a sharp exit when ah have to interrupt him as ah spot a little black waiter walking past the table, "How! Chief! Can you give iz another bottle of Sagres beer? Cheers, Sinbad!" All of a sudden, the 'Waiter' stares at me and says, "IT'S YOU!!" Ah then look at him properly and fuck me, it's only Vurnon Anita! Bastard! Ah'd only written a story about him being sick at being dropped and kicking Pard's door down. It was my nark, Remi streete who told me but ah was only half listening and it turns out it was a pile of shite. Anyways, 'Big' Vurns doing his nut. "You are a dishgrashe to your profeshhhsion! How could I kick ze door down when I am only five foot four, for shure." I bite the bullet and leave hoping for better luck later on. I do however, manage to buy me Mam a nice vase from the Swarovski shop so it wasn't a totally wasted trip. The chicken butterfly was canny anarl. Laters.

I've got to say I thought 6th should've been where we were realistically aiming for as one of the inflated rich six usually has an average season and when you saw Man U in the last year or so you always knew they were eminently catchable, as it happens it's Liverpool, Spurs and Chelsea who are struggling or in transition. It's a great opportunity which we look more than capable of taking advantage of, even pardew got fifth in a similar such season, the difference is we're a different animal as a club and won't be only signing an Anita or a Bowyer this time to 'strengthen' and letting one of the rich clubs back in.

The FFP is over a three year period, we are due sponsorship in the near future. We've got this.

This is normal. Anyone remember the Shepherd regime dropping a bollock with Lua Lua so he scored a last minute equaliser against us while on loan at Portsmouth?

Good shout as long as he can be arsed to fly out there, it's no Portugal. Keys and Gray would be in their element.

If he wants to he'll be an occasional pundit no bother whatsoever, for some reason sky embrace mediocrity especially if they're English. If not sky then there'll always be a spot on talksport alongside some presenter.

Saudi ownership - Newcastle United = Controversial. If it was Man U.... Saudi - Manchester United = Gold Trafford

Aye, I was thinking about him when I wrote it.

Too many OOT'ers on a match day.

'My made up Forest supporting mate says he's shit and he wouldn't have anybody from a classless club like the mags, says any signing would be stained. Says he'd love Ross Stewart but understands financially it would be too expensive a signing and knows he probably wouldn't want to play in front of fewer fans at a much smaller club.' Jack O'Marra, RTG.

Too nice......

Fucking hold on a minute! Are you doubting the bloke who transformed Joelinton from a shit number 9 to the PL midfield monster that he now is?

'Tell me who we're signing again, ITKs and journalists?'

Unfortunately it's a case of the boy cried wolf with cuddly Steve.

What the fuck is this 'other 14' bollocks?! Don't they know we're now part of the.....[checks where Liverpool and Chelsea are]........'Big 10'?

Aye CT is correct I think? Pretty sure mine is a Gen 1 which could cause bother in the future, I'm with Shell, (formerly first utility) so might keep an eye out for a free upgrade smart meter if/when fixed tariffs come back as part of the deal).

That's a cunt. If BG weren't there I'd check if it isn't all venting outside but I'm guessing you and they have checked that already?

'Dad, it's me, Luke, I've got some bad news, some good news and some horrific news.' 'Shit! What's the bad news, son?' 'Poyet is getting the manager's job.' 'Fucking cunts. What about the good news?' 'I'm still your number one fan.' 'Err, alright son, what was the horrific news?' 'It was a Mag at work told me Poyet had the job.' 'F. T. fucking M!'

It's genuinely fucking superb that our usual back four and keeper, with helpful teammates in front of them look a good bet to concede either no goals or maybe one at worst. I feel like we're on for a point at worst every week and this is no different albeit we'll definitely be without Bruno. Like the ayatollah, I reckon it'll be another tight one which we should win bar Zaha trying it on for the VAR geniuses.

A few at my place would've pencilled this place in for a job as once upon a time it would've roughly coincided it's opening with our shutting and indeed apparently there's been informal conversations between the companies but I wasn't one and like rents says something didn't look right.

They're fucking mental, like.