Howmanheyman

"Whees this, like?" "It's the new safety officer! I wonder what he was leaving the stadium after putting something in the 'things to do' tray on the Trotters desk?"

Well done Andrew, it only took one yerr, I say, only took one yerr as well.

Dear SD Huesca, I am writing to you on behalf of the massive lads fans, (MLF) of Sunderland asking to be officially geet big marras, (Friends) seeing as how we both have so much in common being both eleventh in the second tiers of our country's football league. Although we're trying to get something going with Athletic Bilbao I'm afraid they're still in denial that an MLF founded their club. We notice that although your colours aren't red and white they are however similar to Barcelona's which cannot be a coincidence as we also play like Barcelona so until the evidence actually emerges then I think it's fair to assume our club also founded yours but ran out of red and white striped shirts so got whatever was on hand at the time. Please let us know if you agree we founded your club and let us know if you hate the mags anaarl? FTM. Yours, Huesca Black Cats. (Founded ten minutes ago).

Before you know it it'll soon be ten years outside of the premier league so give them a break, they've probably forgotten what it's about. We went down scandalously under jabba but still were only down for a shit, shower and a shave, they go down and they mean business to stay down and are going to be outside the PL for some considerable time. Never mind, at least they're Barcelona down there in.......[looks at championship table].......err.......11th. (eleventh).

Imagination, marra!

I don't watch them much tbh as I think I'm a bit of a lucky omen for them lately and it's generally a shit watch, not just them but their opposition, and also despite them thinking they're the reincarnation of Brazil '82 so why would anyone want to? Now put yourselves in their shoes, we're having a great season and they hate us, yet how many of them watch our games and put themselves through the mill when we win? Honestly, I'd stay well fucking clear of our games if I was them unless........unless........ It's their ultimate dirty secret that deep down they like us really. Sneaking upstairs when their lass is out, sitting in front of her mirror, minus Y-Dogs, giving it six nowt staring at themselves whilst wearing the filthy, stinking black and white shirt they keep at the back of their wardrobe that they secretly fantasise about until the line 'fifty thousand screaming Geordies' comes into their heads in the voice of Alan Parry and then after the pent up explosion there's a sticky mess for them to clean up in deep, deep shame once their breathing slows down and they realise they've done it again when they swore to themselves they were never, ever going to do it again and once more the self hatred gets turned on to the fucking mags for making them do it. F T fucking M. When's their next match on again? I bet sky lick their fucking arses especially MLF Dave Jones, I reckon he loves them secretly too.

"Get on to the safety officer we installed at Sunderland, tell him FTM isn't going to be allowed on any of their flags. Obviously doesn't matter to us but it'll absolutely fry their minds."

They're paid for propaganda channels just like the sun is a paid for propaganda rag. If they were actual legit businesses they'd have had the plug pulled.

Aye, saw that yesterday as well. He might as well be talking to the wall where a lot of 'neutrals' will be concerned. If that lad could do something similar with Sunderland and call it 'Why Sunderland fans think they are Barcelona '08 and are wrong' then that would be canny. 👍

Unless a very good job came up and was offered on a plate there's no chance I'm leaving till I get my bit plus retention payment. Got some decisions to make and it's hard to know which way to go because I don't know how long I'll be out of work before I take any old shit. I want this to be my final job where I work 12 hours and nights as they're a killer and statistically chip away at your life expectancy, I've done more than my fair share, some cunt else's turn.

Best guess at present is I'll be on the Nat King Cole just before Christmas. Ho ho ho!! 🎅

Hope it doesn't turn out serious, SpongeBob. 👍

'Biggest club in the weruld' as Stevie once said, 'met one, you've met them all' another.

Echo this, meenz.

Then we'll be inundated with thick, glory hunting cunts calling us a small club just before we play them.

Blobbers at our place, factory cats or one of my mates is called Clint Eastwood* as he's always in on his days off 'For a few dollars more'. *Ok, I made that name for him.

Fuck off, aye?

Blob = Overtime Don't ask me why but it's been called that since I started working and obviously goes back way before that everywhere I've worked, I assume it's a Tyneside/NE thing? I also assume it's a manufacturing thing as there's no 'stopping back' to finish something like in an office culture, it's cold hard cash and it's a set time, guaranteed, no skinchies, pay up even if you change your mind if it's less than a day's notice. Holidays and blob, the most common origins of strife on the shop floor, bar none.

Men: Boys: (You can put yourselves in whichever category you belong in).

I've had quite a bit of time to mull it over and I think us getting into the CL would be a good thing.

'blob' is the word, I 'blobbed' on their shift as this is past tense.

Wakka, wakka, wakka!

How many of the board can tell you? (Let's sort the workers from the fannys, the NE lot from the OOTers).

Geddit? Geddit?

I once blobbed on a shift full of mackems, most of them canny enough lads although their gaffer decided to not include us in briefs which was unheard of, not one of them was really arsed on football, marra, as I think it was one of their relegation years, however of the shifts I blobbed with them one was where we took a 3-1 lead going into the last quarter of our QF tie against Sporting and somehow got beat 5-3 under tactical genius Souness. I got a guard of honour as the shift finished with much clapping and laughing. Even one of them who genuinely didn't like football was lapping it up. Part of me thinks it was a laugh, part of me imagines their faces if I'd have done the same back but that would've been a real feat of imagination thinking they'd be in a QF in a European competition or just being in Europe, full stop.