Howmanheyman

I was 19 for the majority of that season, my eldest daughter is almost 21 now. Jesus Christ!

I meant Lee's left.

Class but I'm struggling to make out a couple on there, the one between Burn and Terry Mac and the two to the left of Rob Lee. I think the one closest to Lee might be Derek Fazackerly? A few looking pretty old tbh, especially Bracewell who I suppose was a senior pro in that side. My favourite season that one and the following season. Hard to separate them. Great age to watch it and getting to the games home and away whilst having a few pints.

The streets don't forget.... The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 19/03/2015 Well diary, sometimes these so-called superstar footballers get a bit too big for their expensively sponsored boots, sometimes they get a bad press for being millionaire playboys who smoke cigars lighted by twenty pound notes. Sometimes. But today ah had the great pleasure of seeing Toon legends giving something back to the community when ah saw Coach Carvs, El Capo Colo and Jonas visiting some sick patients at the Royal Victoria Infirmary. Abouts ten bells this morning me phone rang and when ah picked it up it was me old mate, Cockeyed Mala on the other end. "How, Lee!" He said, "Guess who ah've just seen coming doon the ward?" Mala was a hospital porter in the RVI and ah first of all started to think that someone we knew must have been in a accident when he blurted out that the new head coach of the cathedral on the hill and his two Argie superstars were walking past him. Quicker than a Sir Bobby Robson anecdote from Coach Carver, ah was rund there like a shot. Ah followed the directions Mala gave iz and just hoped he hadn't got the 6 and 9 mixed up with his questionable vision and before long ended up on ward 69. Right enough there at the end of the ward was the three NUFC legends doing their bit to bring joy to ordinary punters who were in hospital and feeling very poorly. Ah'd already grabbed a Doctor's white coat and steffas, stephers, err, hearing thingy to put rund me neck as ah went past a cloak room and put me false glasses on and pretended to look at the patients details whilst secretly recording their encouraging craic to the poor cunt in the bed. Carvs started talking first, he gans, "Hey, chin up kidda Ah've brought Jonas and Colo to see you! Are you keeping well? You look really good!" Our coach politely lied to the poor looking wretch in the bed. The lad wanly smiled back but looked proper fucked, like. Jonas then piped up, "Hey, amigo, I beat thees cajones cancer, you can get better too! You must believe!" Again the skeletal patient smiled and slowly but painfully lifted his thump up to the Toon's super Spiderman hero. Next up our stupidly banned Argentinian Capitano decided to lead by example and said, "You get a bit better and you shall play with us on the saint Jaimies peetch." Ah'm a hard hearted reporter at times but ah nearly welled up at Colo promising the lad a run out with the team if he got better which was a lovely touch but as ah looked at the kid ah wondered how long he had left as he looked in a bad way. The lad took off his oxygen mask and whispered, "For shure, I feel like am getting better by the day, already I can breathe without it hurting." Ah thought he must be an asylum seeker as he didn't sound Geordie to me. Colo then said, "I heard Senor Charnally say that you would be like a new signing!" Carvs then jumped in, "Aye, that's right, Siem, Ah've been told by Lee Charnley to let the press know that you'll be a great lift to the team when you finally get fit again. A new signing is EXACTLY what you'll be like, bonny lad!" Siem!!! Fuck me! Ah looked at the kid then had a proper look at his hospital papers on the clip board ah was holding. Right enough, there it was at the top, his name, one Siem De Jong, once of Ajax of Amsterdam, now of the Royal Victoria Infirmary's first eleven! Ah got back to Thomson House HQ and then wrote up a report of Siem saying he was back in training and raring to go and reckoned he'd play again before the season finished! It was fantastic news for the Toon Army and ma loyal readers who, as always, got it straight from their main man, the trinity mirror group regional sports writer of the year, Lee Ryder esq. If it's about NUFC, Ryders got it covered! Lol. Laters.

I've got a pet woodlouse called 'twelve inch cock' in a bid to...... Ah, it doesn't matter.

I'm still too scarred by those eighties cup exits to Brighton as a bairn to be too complimentary but they're a quality outfit.

Talksport know the sum total of fuck all though, Wykiki.

Bit disappointed the ex-Barcelona man never gave a shout out to Sunderland what with the huge similarities in football style between the two clubs? He's obviously been told to just concentrate on PL sides by a PL official. It stands out a mile.

At least their manager is a decent bloke, even with the play off semi final coming up he helped out a local theatre company by sending a few of the squad along to play extras in a play about Vikings. When Mowbray asked the director how they got on the reply he got was 'They were ok at the pillaging and raping but were fucking shite at Luton.'

Apart from the football factor, I just couldn't imagine a derby at Wembley. It would be sheer mayhem.

Just nerves probably.

I'm slightly worried about our central midfield options but hope we'll have enough of a plan to cope with it if Longstaff and Willock are both out.

Is that MNF thing where they show the match but completely ignore it if it doesn't feature one of the cunt 6 clubs? I'm sure if there's no big story they'll just debate something like who was the best? Man U 99, arsenal invincibles or Klopp's title winning side?

I've a feeling in my bones Liverpool or Man U are dropping points tomorrow.

Did sky wheel in the big guns carra and G Nev for this top 6 clash of did we get the B team squad like Goodman or hinchcliffe?

What did I tell you? Tough game for us? Aye, but a tougher game for them coming straight after arsenal away having to come up here. I want sky to interview carragher and Neville and ask them 'WHO'S THE MOST LIKELY TO MISS OUT ON THE TOP 4 NOW, GOBSHITES?' Also, 'WHO'LL BE FEELING THE MOST PRESSURE NOW, CARRA AND NEV? YOUR TEAM OR HIS?'

Just having a cuppa at work, how's it going so far?

I'm sorry to hear about that, Strawb. I hope it can be sorted for your mam, my mam managed to get through something similar a few years ago and it was a bit of a jolt to the system imagining the worst. Fingers crossed for you.

Are you female?

We used to batter both Coventry and Boro most games but fuck Boro, out of sight, out of mind till you play them. They're not that far behind the mackems in their irrational hatred of all things Newcastle with quite a few of them. Fuck them, fuck Paul Frost and fuck 'Bairnie' Slaven the ex-Republic of Ireland 1990 squad member.

I'm nervous, loads at stake and obviously they're a quality outfit but as I mentioned the other day, it's also a tough week for Brighton having to play arsenal away then come up here when we have so much to play for plus under the lights. I hope we enough to get past these then enough in the tank to put Leicester to bed making Chelsea irrelevant, however, football's a funny thing. I've a sneaky feeling one of the English old firm arseholes are going to slip up on Saturday, Liverpool home to villa, the mancs at Bournemouth. Brighton might not actually be the key game as much as it seems that way right now. Two home games on a night time before Chelsea, win the first and it's looking a lot more close for us, particularly if my hunch that one of the NW arseholes drop points on Saturday. I'm at work so will miss this so just hoping we win as we're prone to doing when I've been at graft.

Klopp's being banned from the touchline from the 29th May till the 11th August. Unprecedented punishment for the Liverpool boss.

I was laughing the other day when I could vaguely hear Ryder ask him something and Howe started laughing at him as he spluttered something.