Howmanheyman

I have to say, if the KGB are reading this, one of mankinds greatest achievements in my humble opinion was the Sputnik, Igor Belonov's rakers in the '86 Mexico WC and the lass who played Nikita in Elton John's 1985 hit, 'Nikita'.

MLF'dYP

Renton currently mopping his brow at his luck.

"What are you talking about? Are you some kind of fool?"

"Whey me bonny, loyal puntaz, it's your favourite knight behind enemy lines reporting on the big one, the actual real live, not make believe or owt, propa I am, escape to victory match in the east of the Ukraine. One of our lads who's a prisoner is meant to be a bit nippy so I'll be watching him. He can be Pele as he's a black lad. The captain of the team is lance corporal Davey Jones from Byker. Ah nearly gave away me cover by standing up in the bushes next to the makeshift pitch and singing 'he's one of our own! He's one of our owwwwn, Lance corporal Jonesy! He's one of our own!' But luckily Ivan wasn't looking in this direction so ah got away with it. Anyways, as much as ah love feeding the voraciuoiu, vorasheses, err hungry appetite of my loyal readers ah'd much rather be out there as ah've got gold plated experience of warfare with the toon army like the time ah stared down those teenage lads going into Charlton's ground back in the day, but the enlisting officer saw through my disguise when ah dressed up like a Geordie shore young dipstick and said ah was only 24. Obviously ah'd have been Rocky had ah got away with the disguise but ah'm fucked if ah'dve went in goal like. So, this is the next best thing. Predictions? 4-1 away win to the POWs. Howay the Allies! Ryder and out!"

You should see what they've put on the pitch....

"Fuck off."

Tbh the lass I've seen twice so far has been fine. So far. Got an interview tomorrow but it's a bit far as much as I'd like the job. Interviewed for the same job but closer to home at the end of November just before I finished work but missed out so want the job but realise it's a bit of a hike, (not saying I'm going to get offered it. They did ring me up about it TBF asking if I fancied it?) I also went to a well known local company for a job interview on Monday, on arrival was told my interview had been changed and due to people starting a job then walking out I'd be shown around first, then interviewed if I was happy to go ahead with it? My brain on hearing this.... .... Anyway, lad shows me part of a process/manufacturing plant, explaining parts of the process, I ask him a couple of questions, nothing brilliant about it but nothing screaming out shit either until he says, "....... Anyway, I'll show you what you'll be doing....." before taking me elsewhere to basically a job packing in a line and telling me that's it when I ask if that's all I'd do? I just looked at the miserable cunts standing there and it reminded me of some of the agency packing jobs at my old place which we'd have to do once in a blue moon if there was no graft on in our department and we all loathed doing. Once I clarified that's the only thing I'd be doing I told him it was a nein, danke from me. By the time I'd got home I had an email from the company informing me they'd withdrawn their job offer which made me laugh I'll admit.

It's already spoken for and been/getting used CT. I do know of a lad I used to drink with and also know of a relation of the wife who both made a fortune on bitcoin. Both also lost a fortune, the latter despite being loaded through lucrative work is now working when he should be retired looong before now. I haven't got it to lose it, mate. It's probably why I've never been massively into betting and can't tell you the last football bet I had but you're probably talking pardew era.

Aye, TBF, it's paying for the mortgage so I'm not COMPLETELY digging into my bit from work but it's all I'm getting because of my.... Oh yeah.... my bit from work.

He's good at moody staring at a camera in an alleyway for a black and white photo.

I received a letter on my acceptance, they seem pretty keen to 'sanction' people. Do this, don't do that, if you do we'll sanction you £12 a day for X amount of months which is basically all your dole money. I don't know how to break it to them but that £86 isn't an incentive to sit on my arse for the rest of my life as it's just a soupçon under what we need to live on.

I'm getting a massive £86 a week. I haven't even spent last week's yet. I'm sure they won't mind me investing it in bitcoin especially when I tell them it's advice from CT on the internet.

I'll put my job seekers allowance on it, CT. This time next week I'll be a millionaire.

I very rarely put on Sky sports news and usually turn it over pretty quick when I do. Yesterday I put it on and one of the presenters was joined by two blokes, no idea who they were but I kept it on for a minute as they had Eddie, Trips and Almiron pictured in the background. This is what I caught some of.... Unknown bloke 1 was going on about how Bayern always win the league, Barcelona and Real Madrid usually win it in Spain but apart from Man City lately, more teams win it here SO WHY SHOULD NEWCASTLE BE ALLOWED TO JUST BUY WHO THEY WANT so in a nutshell the regs were good. Also said we'll be ok as joelinton is nearly back from injury. That's when I turned it off. No idea who the fuck they were but at least educate yourself on the situation without making a tit of yourself regarding big Joe and we can't invest to grow the club as dipshit reckons it isn't fair. They know the square root of fuck all. (Can't remember if I mentioned it yesterday as my brain is turning into mush).

It's the company he keeps iyam.

"Penfoooooolddd!!!!" "Yes?" "Is this fucking you?!"

I like a lot of the Eurythmics stuff but when I discovered Dave Stewart was a mackem I said to myself, 'I dinnot care that you and Annie are pleasing on me ear, ahve not listened to car salesmens bullshit to put up with Yee so dinnot tell me about any thorns in ya side, am not fucking interested now, marra.'

Paddy moves to England and starts frequenting his new local every Friday where he always buys three pints and when taking a drink takes turns with them. The barman asked him why he didn't just buy a pint at a time? Paddy tells him "Back home me and my two brothers would have few hours in our local every Friday without fail. When I drink they way I do it's like they're here with me." So this is what happens all year until one night he comes in and only orders two. The barman looks at another regular and they fear the worst. The barman goes over to paddy and gently says, "Paddy, I'm guessing you must've lost one of your brothers, I don't want to interfere with your grief but I'll just say I'm sorry for your loss." Paddy looks up puzzled and says "What? My brothers are perfectly fine." The barman then asks why he's only got two pints tonight? Paddy smiles and says, "I've only got two pints because I'm doing dry January and I know they won't do it."

His first name will do or just his surname. We'll do the rest.

The Wraith part of this post.... I'd forgotten all about that.

I think we were already 2-0 up when he scored, game was already decided, nothing to play for and they were getting relegated because of it. He looked like a FA cup finalist from the seventies or eighties scoring the winning goal.

The pressure is now on all on the rest of you to give him a good nickname. Last, most recent one I recall being created was for a lad who got caught pinching someone's bait, (roast chicken) from the fridge at work. His new nickname became 'KF-Lee'.