Howmanheyman

I know. Wasn't sure if he was talking a stain or former NUFC and Everton (?) player Sylvain Distin instead?

No you're wrong, the polls haven't had time to catch up yet.....

Oh, oh. Someone's going to be in trouble.

'ah was walking down Madison, (ah swear ah never had a gun) and ah saw a ninetayn ninetey Marco lads shirt. I shouted over 'Gerrin! FTM!' and the new yorka turned around and said, 'hey man, I hate the mags toooo but I loved the Netflix Sunderland till I die show, I watched all the seasons and bought this shirt on eBay, buddy." Then a cop on a horse who overheard clapped and give us a backa on his horse back to my hotel like Crocodile Dundee and we passed maceys and al that and a cafe where a lush lass was fayaking an orgasm or she'd seen my lads top, hard to tell, marra.'

Hook, line and sinker.

"He turned and looked but said nothing." These mags always saying fuck all when pulled, looking embarrassed or looking down at their feet The story's may get tweaked but the patter remains the same.

Lady à Courcey DeTroyte: "Darling, I need a word. I've found out about your dirty little secret." Lord à Courcey DeTroyte: "Ah, listen darling I can explain, I tripped over a kerb and ended up landing on the male prostitute who just happened to be lying there naked sniffing cocaine. In the fall my clothes snagged on a protruding erection causing them to fall off and his rolled up fifty pound note ended up one of my nostrils with the class A drug accidently being inhaled from a line spread out on his buttocks." Lady à Courcey-DeTroyte: "No, not that, the fact you're standing in this year's election for Sunak!" Lord à Courcey DeTroyte: "Oh fuck. You know."

Has Eales appointed his replacement?

Even Johnny Deka has knocked it back.

Just had a quick look online and it appears as yet my constituency doesn't even have a Tory candidate!

The Glover family. Il Capo di tutti capi:

Harry Kane watching this get announced.....

He thinks he would've been a fashion designer if he wasn't a footballer.

Beppe from EastEnders: "No president has ever been attacked as much." JFK's brain: "Hold my beer."

What happens? A fine but basically a slap on the wrist? Does it go to appeal? I'm sick of hearing about how he's fucked this time but is still on the scene.

Obviously I'm pleased for you or sorry it happened, Alex.

Or we're just a bit brighter than them? Comme ci comme ça.

It's real. Just not to the scale their paranoia suggests. Ah well. Nevermind.

There'll be some decent England fans no doubt but the cunts who follow them have zero in common with me. I see them as being from a different nation and history tells you I'm not far wrong. I'm not taking any questions on this.

I'll be the mag at work on steroids. One of my old managers was a manager at nissan, he hated the tunnel travel every day but loved the job apparently. Anyway, he says there was about three managers would select people for interviews, all three B&W. He said there was two piles, an 'interview' pile and a 'naah, y'alreet, mate' pile. The former pile had a high proportion of 'NE' postcodes, 'SR' postcodes.......? Not so much.

For some reason this reminds me of once hearing John Anderson describing something which totally went under the radar at the time but NUFC accepted an offer from the mackems for him. He described meeting Denis Smith at Roker Park but first driving away from SJP with Jim Smith shaking his hand, hoping the negotiations would go well, saying he'd been a model pro to work with and wishing him well. After a tour of Roker and chatting with Sunderland John said he didn't think he could do the move as it mightn't go down well with the fans and he was settled in his house and been at NUFC too long to be able to play for them etc. Denis Smith said their fans would be fine as long he did the business on the pitch but Anderson said it was our fans that would worry him. Anyway he thanks Denis Smith but KB's him then returns to SJP and Jim Smith asks him how it went? Anderson tells him what happened to which the bald eagle went berserk saying he needed him off the books, he was being unprofessional, all the cunts etc and he'd never play for him again! luckily for Anderson Smith was sacked not long after. Sooooo..... The moral of the story is, Ritchie and Dummett are great lads and have helped us in dark days and we wish them well but if they don't fuck off they're cunts.