Howmanheyman

One day young Johnny went round the Chemists to buy something. After loitering for a few minutes waiting for a couple of old dears to get their prescriptions he approached the Chemist, "Err, packet of tunes, please." "Certainly", replied the Chemist, "Anything else?" "Err....Well, emm..." "Ho'way son, spit it out", said the Chemist. "Can I have a packet of Condoms, please. I'm on a promise tonight with my new girlfriend if I behave myself when we have dinner with her folks", replied the youngster. With that, the Chemist supplied the would be Romeo with his blobs, (I mean 'protection') and the lad paid him and went to leave the shop. "Good luck!" the Chemist said, smiling as the lad got to the door before giving him a conspiratorial wink. That night Johnny got to his new girlfriends house and was lead straight to the table. "Don't forget to look like you're respectful of the Lord when the dinners dished out, Johnny, you know my Parents are religious". Johnny sits down next to his lass whilst the Mam and Dad come in from the kitchen. Johnny then lowers his head as the Father begins to thank the Lord for their lovely tea. When he finishes the Lass notices Johnny is still looking down. She leans over and whispers, "Johnny, that was really great, but you can look up now. I never realised you were so respectful". Johnny whispered back with his head still lowered, "And I never knew your Father was a fucking Chemist!"

I smell a poll Leave Nick out of it. Please.

No idea, mate.

Me too but it aint ganna happen. Also it could go the other way if played to the rule. The same CL clubs would have the good players already, they'd have the money to themselves and the glass ceiling would remain.

Unless things have radically changed I doubt it! It'll be every twenty minutes later on, I'd guess.

How many of the 54 are in a better position ??? It is a well known fact that in the case of football club insolvency there is "the football rule" which the revenue were challenging (not sure if they are now) which means that football creditors get paid above all others, clubs don't suffer the same fate as a normal commercial businesses when they "go bust". Like with Portsmouth, millionaire footballers get their cash and local businesses go to the wall, disgracefull. In football terms (unless the Revenue won their case, which they should have IMO) "going bust" is basically going into administration. The points deduction rules were brought in to deter clubs from simply declaring administration and walking away from their liabilities - Leicester I think was the straw that broke that camels back. Couldn't tell you, hence my question. The Portsmouth situation was like a merry-go-round with regards to ownership. They may yet come out of this better in the long run having had their fingers burnt. For what it's worth I agree football needs to have a long look at itself however there has to be a balance. I worry that we'll lose millions playing in a lower league. It's already happened and I don't want to risk years in the wilderness again like the late 70's and late 80's.

Have you got washing on the line, houseboy? All chores done and curry waiting in the slow cooker for after pub night. About too dab some beads of water onto my brow to give that "just finished working my bollocks off look", ready for wifey getting in. Be careful, she might interpret that as your 'just finished having a wank' look. CT, don't forget to make sure you flushed your used hankie down the toilet and and have also deleted your 'history', mate. Please, no need for thanks.

If it makes him feel good and he can afford it then good luck to the kid. The fact that he has the facial looks of a squashed potato obviously doesn't bother him. Clutching at straws I think.

Out of interest, have any of those 54 ceased to exist?

".....Meanwhile in Northern Areas Leazes Mag will coming onto Toontastic after a few pints to lambast Ashley and praise Shepherd."

I saw a documentary last night about the specifics about the D Day landings but as usual it was about the Americans so I switched off. Nothing against the Yanks but it's a bit repetitive gaining only one sides insight into this event or any battle of WWII. Whilst it's aknowledged they got the shit end of the stick at Omaha Beach the Americans made up slightly less than half of the Allies who invaded Normandy.

wow that’s ridiculous! did you factor in the fee for buying him too, because that should be divided into every year he’s been here, and we’ll never see any return on that. Well his salary is approx £3.2m a year, been here three years, so that's £9.6m, plus the transfer fee that's £15.8m, for three years of Alan Smith. I remember Alan Oliver saying value for money wise Big Dunc was the worst value for money we've ever had, what a load of pish he wrote, well Michael Owen for £40m definitely gave us more pound for pound than Smith even. Seriously he could honestly be the worst signing the club have ever made, because at least Xisco and Luque didn't impact on the clubs performances as much as Smith did, cos they didn't play as much. You don't need to be Miss Marple to spot that!

This summer could be a momentous time for NUFC. If LardAsh gets rid of these senior, Premiership-hardened, players and replaces them with too many unknowns, the team could do well, but it could also fail big time. If they did fail big time, then there would be no swift return to the top division imo. Team A Bit Concerned. Exactly. Like Paddocklad mentions, the thought of 4 or 5 players new to the premier league having difficulty settling and us needing points after jan or feb and I'd be very concerned.

I thought England were very, very average under Sven. We've been average under a few managers. Maybe England are just average? Anyway, blowing the trumpet for Sven and asking how people feel about a return by Sven to the England job is a bit pointless and on top of other posts you've started, is the reason you've had a bit of stick.

Apart from the fish.

No he's Polish. They'd love him on Talksport. Nick, phone talksport, mate. Honestly, you'd fit right in.

I feel like I've stumbled into an episode of The Apprentice. I've never watched it meenzer, which is why I'm on.........

And I don't really give a toss about the National side. Imagine my reply if I cared?

Yes. I just told alex you were, Nick. I know. I wouldn't have Sven back, mind.

Yes. I just told alex you were, Nick.

Yes he does Alex.

Team Positive? Bollocks! Team Nasty? Heap of shite! Tell CT he can join me on...........

You've had a few waxers as topics, Nick. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt, but in your case, it wore out. LM reckons you're the only person he's put on ignore. Now LM likes an argument, but even he can't be arsed. The feeling is mutual with LM, and as I have said, I find most of the first responses to this topic, utterly moronic. Maybe the topic gets the responses it deserves?

You've had a few waxers as topics, Nick. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt, but in your case, it wore out. LM reckons you're the only person he's put on ignore. Now LM likes an argument, but even he can't be arsed.

We had the makings of a good side the year we finished eleventh when Bobby got in Bellamy and Robert.* Now I'm not saying two good signings would take us to the CL but we could certainly challenge for the the UEFA cup, equally the shit could hit the fan were we to lose Enrique, Tiote, Barton and Nolan, (On top of Carroll going). *On the flip side, we had the makings of a good side the year we finished eighth under McFaul but sold Gazza, Goddard etc and ended up 20th the year after.