Howmanheyman

Just spotted this, apparently AA flags of Consett, have an order for a 'MUFC 19 times' banner, paid for by the 'Teeside Reds' which is to be unfurled at Old Trafford for the first home game of next season in recognition of how many touches the team had against Barcelona.

Forget the number, just get; Insert stripes here

I'll have to take your word for that. Nice to see he was embarrassed, though, so fair play to him!

Mentioned before on another thread but when I was a bairn there used to be a few gluesniffers about. We'd play football till they came around and then leg it as the word was they'd grab you and make you sniff their glue. When you went from Junior school to the Seniors there was two main urban myths. 1: You'd get your head flushed doon the bog. and 2. You had to see the nurse in the first month of joining the Senior school where she'd ask you to drop your pants before putting your balls on a spoon. If you twitched she'd whack your knob with the spoon and tell you off.

When was the last time she was on here? What was her name on here? I have to assume some of you know her personally otherwise this thread is as bad as anything Toughguy/Daffyd has ever started. (Soz, Mick).

He fucking should've an aal!!

The Wife's friend at works friend who had a Python/Boa constrictor whatever that started sleeping alongside her at night. She mentioned it to a Vet who immediately came round and had it put down as it was 'measuring her up' and would have eaten her within the week.

About the same amount who notices she has a full face of make up on in the first place?

It makes you laugh when you hear some players say, 'Once I knew they didn't want me I knew I had to go'. Smith really is the model professional. If he was more amateurish he'd move for first team football and take the huge pay cut coming his way!

I'm getting the horrible feeling thats a home snap taking when your lass was out, CT!

This might help http://m.gmgrd.co.uk/sbres/314.$plit/...3A28%3A36%3A955 She'd look great from behind!

Saw this today and it made me laugh, anyway. Biggus Dickus for Wine Buffs

I wonder who got to zip him up for the last time? Men are funny aren't we? I'm just typing this about Zippy and am now getting erotic thoughts Jane, (but not Rod and Freddy).

Excellent for their intended use, ie you can pop a load of ingredients in the thing on an evening and when you leave for work in the morning, flick it on and come home to a delicious hot meal waiting for you. Our biggest hit today is Lamb Shanks. Chucked a couple in for 6 or 7 hours (I think) and they came out like the ones you pay a fortune for in a nice restaurant. Cant fault it tbf. Get the whip cracked. (The curry recipe that came with ours is like the fruity curry you (we) used to get at the beach on a tray of chips. Sultanas apples etc. Unfortunately I like sex.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-13693811

"Fahckin' 'Ell!"

Just experiment and don't get too downtrodden. I love mince & dumplings, although I couldn't imagine having them in June. As I said, I enjoyed them. Familys been dragged up on that Atora dumpling mix. Re Mince and dumplings in June, basically just test driving the new slow cooker but its still nice to have a good hearty meal whatever the season imo. Are they easy and any kop? She bought one a few months ago and hasn't used it once!

There seems to be a lot of clubs getting good basic shirts. We meanwhile, have a shirt which is basically shit. Saw a couple of blokes walking around in ours today. Fuck me it's bad.

Nope. Even when he was 'good' he was so vastly overated. A bit like Parker who went from being 'Scott' Parker to good old 'scotty' Parker and being lauded all through pulling on an 'appy 'ammer claret & blue shirt.

Was at the Metrocentre today with Mrs Howman. I've got to say, there seemed to be a very high percentage of some seriously fit blurt around, but the one who took the plaudits was Mr Llovenkrands lass. About a month ago we went over there they eat in the same place as us (some American rib type place), and this time we were in that 'Rice' place and in they came again. I'd be worried if I was Lovelyhands, she's obviously got her eye on the Corner Graduate, like.

If they sign and if they do the business I'll celebrate.

I was also talking about the hardman tactics of grown blokes to young'uns. One of wor lot was a bit of a radge unknown to the bloke in his 30's who tried it on with him during the match, the lad on wor side just told him after the game and right enough as we left the pitch he hit the cunt quicker and harder than the bully was expecting. It only lasted a couple of minutes but the older bloke took a hiding. Most times though it doesn't work out this way for the kids.

This used to piss me off years ago when I was about 16. Played a few times in the old outdoor 5-a-side league at the Wallsend Sports Centre and this type of shite happened now and then. I was too skillful to be into hacking, to be honest. I remember watching a milk cup game in N Ireland when I was about 17 (a tournament for U-16's which we won when Clarky, Watson etc were at the club) and I remember Liverpool were playing some boys club up from Dublin, a Liverpool player got in a run at goal and was pulling the shirt of the Irish kid who was overhauling him. He then gave a shove which made the kid lose his balance and had a free run where he scored. It was done so sly that the ref hadn't a clue and I just couldn't imagine seeing a youngster cheat like that as it would never have crossed my mind, I often wonder if Heighway coached it into him. Seen the same kid a year or so later break into Liverpools side and recognised his face.

One day young Johnny went round the Chemists to buy something. After loitering for a few minutes waiting for a couple of old dears to get their prescriptions he approached the Chemist, "Err, packet of tunes, please." "Certainly", replied the Chemist, "Anything else?" "Err....Well, emm..." "Ho'way son, spit it out", said the Chemist. "Can I have a packet of Condoms, please. I'm on a promise tonight with my new girlfriend if I behave myself when we have dinner with her folks", replied the youngster. With that, the Chemist supplied the would be Romeo with his blobs, (I mean 'protection') and the lad paid him and went to leave the shop. "Good luck!" the Chemist said, smiling as the lad got to the door before giving him a conspiratorial wink. That night Johnny got to his new girlfriends house and was lead straight to the table. "Don't forget to look like you're respectful of the Lord when the dinners dished out, Johnny, you know my Parents are religious". Johnny sits down next to his lass whilst the Mam and Dad come in from the kitchen. Johnny then lowers his head as the Father begins to thank the Lord for their lovely tea. When he finishes the Lass notices Johnny is still looking down. She leans over and whispers, "Johnny, that was really great, but you can look up now. I never realised you were so respectful". Johnny whispered back with his head still lowered, "And I never knew your Father was a fucking Chemist!"