Howmanheyman

I wouldn't know when to start with away tales but the simple ones are the best, at Bramall Lane one of our number who for arguments sake we'll call 'silly' Billy, was standing up on a metal bollard, pissed and starting some singing off, it was the game where we got beat 2-0 but qualified for Europe in our first season back up as Arsenal got beat at home to West Ham, anyway, it was a sunny and about 8,000 Geordies in Sheffield had a good day out on the drink. Back to Silly Billy, he gets up and starts to sing but loses his balance as the Union Jack flag wrapped round his waist with 'NUFC' on went down to his feet and kind of tripped him up. He fell ower and hurt his back and got stretchered off by the stewards and St. Johns Ambulance. As Silly Billy was getting taking around the pitchside we started singing 'Billy! give us a wave, billy, Billy give us a wave' which he ignored as all we could see was his hands over his eyes and you could just see his nose and tache. Then all of a sudden, the chant went up from the 8,000, 'If you're proud to be a Geordie clap your hands'. The call was too much to ignore, the hands moved from the eyes, and despite looking in pain , the hands went up to start clapping whilst lying on the stretcher with teeth being grinded as it hurt to clap. Proper Geordie, Billy, like. We took a big metal sign back to our local which we ripped off the wall as well that day as a souvenir, it said 'CCTV is watching you at Bramall Lane'. Obviously not watching hard enough, though!

I know what you mean but in the spirit of freedom of information I can confirm I have a shite every day and have a piss when I wake up. My wages are above average according to that link, but if you took away unsociability shift allowances would be under. I've never worked 'proper' mon-fri hours for 16 years. I'm a bit fed up with shiftwork tbh.

Cheers for that, mate!

I was having sex with a girl last night when she suddenly started crying. I said, "What's the matter?" She said, "It really hurts. "I said, "Not used to a big cock eh?" She said, "I'm talking about the pepper spray in my eyes you twisted cunt."

Can you imagine the reaction if you said, "Hey wor lass, it's a bank holiday! Here's a list of jobs for you to do."

Mrs HMHM: "Can you get a couple of cards from the card shop while you're out?" Mr HMHM: "Aye ok, how many? Two did you say?" Mrs HMHM: "Errm, hang on......(pause while she has a little think)....... 3 Dad cards, 3 Granda cards, one daughter, one sister and one for my Aunt........Oh and will you get some wrapping paper and a few little gift tags. And get a bottle of milk." Mr HMHM:

I can see your point but what do you think the reaction would be if GSTQ were to be pulled because it upset some of the population who don't even support Northern Ireland? In fact, to spin it on it's head, do you think the National anthem of Eire, 'The Soldiers Song' should be scrapped to something less martial? What would the Irish reaction be? GSTQ is a piss poor anthem but it's what we have in England and N Ireland and if a Labour PM declared that he was going to scrap it so that Britons of different faiths and Socialists who don't believe in the Monarchy would feel better about living in England then I think it would go down like a lead balloon. Unfortunately National Anthems tend to be a bit about measuring cocks, (Scotland sing about sending the English, 'Edward's Army' 'home tae think again'. Maybe we should scrap them all and start again. I agree with PL, 'Land of my Fathers' is the best British/Irish anthem by a country mile.

Rugby. Ha'way Rob, clues in the title.

Nah, need something for the next generation with one eye on the past. Here's one Kevin prepared with his homies last week; [media=] [/media]

My thoughts on marriage........ .......Also...... .......My face when she has an idea about something which usually involves me doing something.

Just out of interest, what National anthem would Ant/Ewerk suggest gets played at Windsor Park for NI games? If a an Ulster Catholic feels like playing for NI then that would be good but how many would just rather play for the country they feel more part of and which might be welcomed more by their families and friends as much as perceived prejudice by a section of NI's support?

Not sure about Joan Collins, like Stevie.

Don't know about Dempsey but I'd definitely have a go at Makepeace.

Top, top effort there by KSA. Everytime I read one of Fishies posts from now on I'll be reading it in the style of KSA's Michael Winner/Fish version. :lol:

Beyond a joke, 'There will be no Cardiff without this investment' some may say. There's no Cardiff with them either as this isn't Cardiff City. When football turned a blind eye to the MK Dons fiasco then nothing is sacred. I'd call it a day if I was a Bluebird as the last resort, Asian fans might not be too bothered 'supporting' a club with an empty stadium.

Just over half of those involved in the D Day landings were not in fact American, and whilst the soldiers of the USA should be remembered and have their memories listened to, perhaps more of the British and Canadian soldiers should be heard as well, (especially in US films and documentaries).

I think the answer is putting servile toadies like our new friend, Mr Stone, up against the wall with the firing squad looking on waiting for their cue come la revolution. Most are actually are pleased when someone they know does well for themselves however Balarney come across as a holier than thou arsehole with not a trace of empathy about him to his fellow working class man who he feels comfortable with in the clurb. Do they feel the same about you with those type of views? As for the actual rich, I'm sure they could manage to live a very comfortable life even if they didn't avoid, (legally or not), their taxes.

Some fucking disrespectful bastards on here mind, Whilst I as a frustrated teenage lad could only manage a PATHETIC twenty minutes on the netty with my News of the World admiring Maria Whittaker (look her up young'uns), Her Royal Majesty has managed SIXTY years on the Royal Throne, for Christs sake!! Her poor arse must be like a sea of grapes!!! God bless you, Ma'am!!

Had a bit of a heart to heart with my new Thai Girlfriend, basically she said that a small cock shouldn't really have too much effect on a stable and loving relationship. I still wish she didn't have one though.

Is that allowed down your way? Your wife being your sister? (The dress sense is fucking appalling I agree as is shouting at lasses clearly in company.)

What's your views on the black dude from Black eyed peas if you don't mind me asking?

He reminds me a bit of someone with a penchant for weather updates don't you think? ;-)

Pawn Stars. :-D

I preferred toughguy mick, the scouse hardman/comedy writer.