Howmanheyman

No need for apologies, man!

I can't believe the amount of people who put 'loose' when they mean 'lose', no offence Deadas, you're not the only one.

From left to right; Maze-Prison-excrement-face, Eddie Munster and Sugarplum hardman.

Just came into possession of this little beauty once worn by a Mr David Kelly once a scorer of goals for Newcastle United FC. Not bad if I say so myself.

Thanks for the warning, anyway, mate. Don't suppose you have any tickets for a party with a hundred and fifty pissed secretarys, instead?

Only if they're like Martin Platt.

At this time of year you have to put aside material things and think of those less fortunate than yourself, it really is a time for giving, so if you'd just like to give me one of those tickets you can go to bed with a real warm glow knowing you've made a difference this Christmas. Well done you, Merry Christmas, and thank you.

Don't blame you at all. Can I have your ticket, then? They're struggling to get rid of tickets, I believe. If it sells out there should be nigh on 150 pissed-up nurses, all in very few clothes in one room. I'm missing a trick here - it's one of my mates who is organising it and I'm sure she wouldn't notice a few non-medical types if they snuck in. I could make a fortune! I'm only joking. Why would I want to be at a Christmas do with a load of pissed nurses for? (I'm developing a nervous twitch as I write that, or something to do with twitching, anyway).

Don't blame you at all. Can I have your ticket, then?

Lucky that his breasts are small and humble. Don't confuse them with mountains, though.

We await with baited breath. I'll be on to SKY news as soon as you tell us.

Last Christmas do I had at work was at the hotel near Madisons when I did a YTS course in 1991 for a company in Newburn/Lemington. I've worked for some decent companies but every fucking one just didn't make any effort for Christmas.

Hmmmm, some canny suggestions. Here's mine; 'Deadman can choose his own name but I can't' Or 'Even Kevin is capable of choosing a name for himself'

Their lass bought him a cheese grater for Christmas. Stevie said it's worst book he's ever read.

The first World Cup I remember was the 1982 Espana one. They were great to watch, especially through a kids eyes, Even his name, man! Brilliant. Barry Davies commentating through a crackly long distance telephone, etc, then going out to play football in the Rec being Socrates or Zico. RIP the cool man with the beard and tight shorts.

I'd just add that in my experience, most real, actual time saving/problem solving solutions I've ever encountered have come direct from the shop floor and not from any fucking chancer trying desperately to justify his job in management.

So to sum up parts of this thread, Do what you like as long as the job doesn't suffer, don't do what you like as its been decided you're already skiving by up to 20% before you've even walked through the fucking door. Unfortunately in the private sector, (haven't worked in the public sector so wont comment), you could graft your nuts off, pull a job back after circumstances which are no fault of THE ACTUAL FUCKING WORKERS themselves, and some UTTER CUNT will just think, 'good, done once, can do everyday'. There's a severe dumbing down of Managers, particularly middle managers in the workplace these last ten years or so, in my opinion/experience. Never has the term 'too many chiefs, not enough indians' been more apt.

It'll have given her a moment of pleasure writing it, a moment of pleasure in an otherwise shit existence as a plain jane mackem. Others with no axes to grind will call it St. James' Park.

I hope he can prove/disprove the SAFC tattoo on his arse story at his press conference. As they're convinced he's got one. I'm expecting very cocky Mackems prior to the deby once again. Good.

Well I've just got in from work and this Mag is happy to report no near 'touch cloth' experience at the thought of Martin O'Neill, Mark Hughes, Guus Hiddink , Billy Hardy, Kate Aidie or even Wee-ahside Jack managing the dopey bastards.

Man City. Everton. Norwich City. Aston Villa. Anyone think of any other clubs they've blatantly arselicked over the years in a desperate bid to be liked/noticed/taken seriously?

I have. What am I missing? A chromosome. That could be said about most of your fans aswell! I'm quite realistic about my team to be fair. I'm no deluded. I didn't think we'd win the derby and I don't go into games thinking we'll win by a landslide victory either. Thing is, you can't blame our fans for wanting more. We've had our yo-yo seasons and have firmly set ourselves in the premiership now. That's all mackems want. To think we are only bothered about finishing above you is frankly stupid. The majority of us couldn't care less. It's our own clubs progression we are bothered about. And football wasnt invented in 1992 you know. Which unfortunately alot of Newcastle fans seem to think. I applaud Pardew and your club for what you've done! But we are also allowed to want more and hope for better things! I hear mags spouting that they are gonna win the league this season! If that's not delusion, I don't know what is! "Formed in 1992"" Check. "Spouting they are gonna win the league", Check. I'm just waiting for "Smaller club with less history than <insert whichever club they're arselicking, here>" and I'll have a full house. (Which is more than them fuckers will have in a hurry).

Nailed on for Terry to score and get beat, now.

Nailed on to score now, like.

Spot on. Far better him ranting and twisting on when we've got a point down there than the big smile, pat on the head, here's bit of toffee for the Geordies and thanks for three points lads.