Howmanheyman

Start tomorrow!

Bohemian Rap-CT Is this the real life? Or CT's fantasy? Caught in a weightslide, No escape from reality Open your eyes, Don't look at the pies you see, I'm just a poor boy, I need some sympathy, Because I'm easy come, easy go, Pants pulled high, tits hang low, Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me..... Mama, I just killed a cake, Put the pastry to my lips, Oh my poor expanding hips. Mama...Fatclubs just begun, But now I've gone and thrown it all away Mamaaaaa oooh, Didn't mean to make you cry, If I'm not back again from dropping off a punter, Curry on, curry on, Can I have my chips with batter? Too late, my time has come, Sends shivers down my spine, didn't make my target weight the time Goodbye, Ant and Wacky, I've got to go, Got to leave TT behind and face the truth Mamaaaaa oooh, I don't want that pie, I sometimes wish I'd never seen pork at all (Only cos he's a good sport!)

I go out every night and sleep all day, since my last sausage roll. Went to the Doctor, guess what he told me ? Guess what he told me ? He said " ………" Suggestions? "He said, 'Tree you better try to have a low calorie diet no matter what you do' but he's a fool, Cos nothing compares, Nothing compares, To that sausage Roll I just had"

There's always one, isn't there?

I think you're all being a bit harsh on CT, mind. I have it on good authority that he suffers from Anorexia Amnesia*, but doesn't like to broadcast it. *Anorexia Amnesia. = In Layman's terms, CT binges on food but by a cruel twist of fate, forgets to throw up in the toilet afterwards.

Just seen a security man walking through the Wallsend forum with his walkie-talkie who was the absolute image of Rod stewart complete with big hair blonde highlights. I was struggling to keep my laugh in till I looked down to see him top his suit off with a pair of trainers.

Don't know! Anyone see 'Nigerian Idol' on one of the Sky channels?

I wonder what the symbol of Christianity would've been if the Romans hadn't have crucified Christ? If they'd have chopped his head off you wouldn't expect to see a headless torso hanging from someones necklace or at the front of a church, would you?

Steak = Rare Blow job = Rarer

Went to Mexico eleven years ago BC*, on our first anniversary to a place called Moon Palace, The Wife's always wanted to go back but it's canny expensive. Anyway, booked up today to go back in August. She's over the moon and the bairns are too. I'm currently looking down the back of the settee for spare change. *BC = before children

I was informed of this by my Wife on wednesday. I had a curry, and the only job I got from her was a request to clean the bathroom.

Right my point is St Patrick's Day is shoved down peoples throats in this country, it is, and that's my point. St George's Day barely gets a mention, that's another point, because of the reasons I have mentioned. Now tell me which of those points is an example of me being an idiot. England seems to embrace other peoples cultures more than most when you think about it. The Notting Hill festival, there's a big asian festival in Leicester, fireworks in Stowell Street up here for Chinese new year, 4th July celebrations and of course all the pretendy Irish English folk who go out on St Patricks day. I went out a couple of years ago during the week for 'Paddys' day as a mate managed to get hold of twenty five vouchers of free Guinness, had a good free sup, was an ok night but some of the phonies got a bit much at times, was one bloke from Glasgae, pissed as a fart, wearing a Celtic top on who was the epitome of what I think of the average old firm fan, was a complete knob who was full of every old firm myth going which I enjoyed talking to him about. Guinness plays a very big part in Paddys day and you've got to hand it to their promotional department, they're a huge success at it.

'Ah wuz theya, when ten thousand* Sundaland fans showad the nayation how reeal support is awal about. Support the Maggies could owanly dream about.' *To go up a thousand every time this game is mentioned

What a bad miss by Everton. 5 mins to go.

Unbelievable hearing them sing the Geordie boot boy song with 'Sunderland' replacing the word 'Geordie'. It's a bit like us singing 'Wise men say' or 'singing eye-eye-yippee'. Identity. They've always struggled with it.

Buy lots of paint. Keep your receipt and take back any unused paint if you wish to avoid any advanced mathematics. No need for thanks.

'Wall Pushers' Who'd use that phrase on here?

Spot on. Fucking Manure. There's other ones too "Wet Sham" oh dear, "Vile" for Villa, wanks. It's not younguns faults though they just absorb what the media tell them. 'Red Dippers', 'Blue Dippers'.

In future, CT can leave the male/female conversations to real men and women. Isn't that right, pussycat?

But why shrug your shoulders about something that matters to you? Anyway, things to do etc. I'll leave some other brain damaged Geordie to take up the baton. Ah here's Paddocklad! You don't get more drink addled and brain damaged than him!

All you coooool cats out there who don't dig the anxiety over calling them United, that's just for those boycoutting, untrendy fans. Get on message, it's cool to be blase. Lets not risk some cunt who probably doesn't like our club anyway, take the piss out of us. Don't give a fuck, for fucks sake!

Then again, as a man who does have a little perspective, and one who doesn't want to get bogged down by old fashioned ways, why don't we just take 'United' out of our name? We can be known as NFC. Newcastle Football Club. I mean, it doesn't really matter does it? Not for anyone with perspective. The Sports Direct Arena doesn't matter as well. It's just a name.

Aye, Mags with no balls wont get worked up, I agree, Gemmill.

It really isn't small time, to those who think it's irrelevant, it isn't the end of the world but it pisses most long term fans off. I'd put very good money on a poll of long term supporters being more bothered by this than say, someone from Belfast. Someone from Belfast will get 'United' rammed down his throat and will just accept that they're United, we're just Newcastle. Anyone growing up here, when the main media outlet for NUFC always referred to us as United will not be so quick to appease the thought process of saying, 'it doesn't matter'. I can say, at a match, at some point I'll shout out, 'Ha'way United! Get into the fuckers!'. Don't bend over and take it. My United play in black & white, A Mancs United play in red. The media are 100% to blame for this and it never used to happen as much as it does today. There's no excuse for anyone who isn't a Red calling a game featuring us v them as United v Newcastle, it's just disrespectful. Any Mag doing it wants their fucking hammers, OOTer or not. By the way, There's two Sheffields. I can't remember Sheffield Utd being universally called United by all and sundry to differentiate them from Sheffield Wednesday. Sheffield United usually get called 'Sheff Utd', same as how most Geordies will call MUFC 'Man U' or 'Man Utd'. What makes fucking Man U so special that people with no emotional attachment to them call them United? The fuckwits and ex-players in the media just hammering the name since the early nineties have helped this. I support United, but they don't play in fucking red so please don't patronise me Mr Media Man. Thanks.