Howmanheyman

Anyone seen Zanzibar's shirt? Think that would compliment Fish to be fair, well it would match his leopard skin hondacrackas at least when he's in 'Bravado' mode.

He was on Question Time last night. It was in Stockton on Tees and half the audience looked like this;

Anyone who hasn't paid £5 to have someone put a tattoo on your arm in someones kitchen in a house in Walker is frankly a puff, especially if the tattoo in question is a skull with a snake curling around the skull with a sword going through said skull. So they reckon, like.

More controversial evidence found here > http://www.grapheine...4e2f61eb1d.html

http://www.grapheine...9f3046bf1a.html

Very sadly, and as much as it pains me to say it, I think he would get away with it after a week of 'debate' on forums, media etc.

I think it's His Holiness Niall Quinn, before he stepped off his 'magic carpet' ride, (the drugs were still strong at that point), Ashley and Llambias.

Alright, seen worse but you just know the back will have one huge blank white patch on it.

At least ITV have got their security sorted out, I swear I saw some Scouse kid walk off the street and sit next to Keane the other day. He even had the cheek to talk to Cabbage Heed Chiles at one point, something about Jelovic being better than Cisse or something? Hard to say for sure, his voice was canny squeaky.

Du du du du du, Inspector Stevie .

Very good. I think I might use that, mate. Theyall bea brahhn envelope in yer sky rocket tumorra, dahn't say nuffink to nobody.

Happy birthday, men! And to my youngest who's 7 today! You don't know her but she's great, she pointed out to me last night that a Russian got 'Megged' which I thought was good football knowledge for a then 6 year old girl!

A Chinese girl approached me in an alley. She said "sucky fucky five dorra" I said "you're way too young" she said "how you know my name?!

I wouldn't know when to start with away tales but the simple ones are the best, at Bramall Lane one of our number who for arguments sake we'll call 'silly' Billy, was standing up on a metal bollard, pissed and starting some singing off, it was the game where we got beat 2-0 but qualified for Europe in our first season back up as Arsenal got beat at home to West Ham, anyway, it was a sunny and about 8,000 Geordies in Sheffield had a good day out on the drink. Back to Silly Billy, he gets up and starts to sing but loses his balance as the Union Jack flag wrapped round his waist with 'NUFC' on went down to his feet and kind of tripped him up. He fell ower and hurt his back and got stretchered off by the stewards and St. Johns Ambulance. As Silly Billy was getting taking around the pitchside we started singing 'Billy! give us a wave, billy, Billy give us a wave' which he ignored as all we could see was his hands over his eyes and you could just see his nose and tache. Then all of a sudden, the chant went up from the 8,000, 'If you're proud to be a Geordie clap your hands'. The call was too much to ignore, the hands moved from the eyes, and despite looking in pain , the hands went up to start clapping whilst lying on the stretcher with teeth being grinded as it hurt to clap. Proper Geordie, Billy, like. We took a big metal sign back to our local which we ripped off the wall as well that day as a souvenir, it said 'CCTV is watching you at Bramall Lane'. Obviously not watching hard enough, though!

I know what you mean but in the spirit of freedom of information I can confirm I have a shite every day and have a piss when I wake up. My wages are above average according to that link, but if you took away unsociability shift allowances would be under. I've never worked 'proper' mon-fri hours for 16 years. I'm a bit fed up with shiftwork tbh.

Cheers for that, mate!

I was having sex with a girl last night when she suddenly started crying. I said, "What's the matter?" She said, "It really hurts. "I said, "Not used to a big cock eh?" She said, "I'm talking about the pepper spray in my eyes you twisted cunt."

Can you imagine the reaction if you said, "Hey wor lass, it's a bank holiday! Here's a list of jobs for you to do."

Mrs HMHM: "Can you get a couple of cards from the card shop while you're out?" Mr HMHM: "Aye ok, how many? Two did you say?" Mrs HMHM: "Errm, hang on......(pause while she has a little think)....... 3 Dad cards, 3 Granda cards, one daughter, one sister and one for my Aunt........Oh and will you get some wrapping paper and a few little gift tags. And get a bottle of milk." Mr HMHM:

I can see your point but what do you think the reaction would be if GSTQ were to be pulled because it upset some of the population who don't even support Northern Ireland? In fact, to spin it on it's head, do you think the National anthem of Eire, 'The Soldiers Song' should be scrapped to something less martial? What would the Irish reaction be? GSTQ is a piss poor anthem but it's what we have in England and N Ireland and if a Labour PM declared that he was going to scrap it so that Britons of different faiths and Socialists who don't believe in the Monarchy would feel better about living in England then I think it would go down like a lead balloon. Unfortunately National Anthems tend to be a bit about measuring cocks, (Scotland sing about sending the English, 'Edward's Army' 'home tae think again'. Maybe we should scrap them all and start again. I agree with PL, 'Land of my Fathers' is the best British/Irish anthem by a country mile.

Rugby. Ha'way Rob, clues in the title.

Nah, need something for the next generation with one eye on the past. Here's one Kevin prepared with his homies last week; [media=] [/media]

My thoughts on marriage........ .......Also...... .......My face when she has an idea about something which usually involves me doing something.

Just out of interest, what National anthem would Ant/Ewerk suggest gets played at Windsor Park for NI games? If a an Ulster Catholic feels like playing for NI then that would be good but how many would just rather play for the country they feel more part of and which might be welcomed more by their families and friends as much as perceived prejudice by a section of NI's support?