Howmanheyman

"No one's, I say no one's bothered, man."

Karen Carney, eh? Eh?

Our dads back in the day at the thought of Bet Lynch's leopard skin knickers..... @PaddockLad and @Monkeys Fist carrying the tradition on in their autumn years.

That bloke is absolutely, not a shadow of a doubt about it, stealing a living and so's that Kaveh bloke, absolute fucking frauds the pair of them. 'My sources are saying' as he looks at the twitter feed of journalists who cover villa and arsenal.

How the fuck do you end up listening to that shit?

"Hi guys, today if we look through the square window we have Gary Neville discussing what Rubin Amorim's options are and what impact has Sir Jim Ratcliffe had on getting 'United' back where they belong. In the round window we have Jamie Carragher taking a deep dive into what an amazing job Arne Slot has done in carrying on the fantastic legacy of the cuddly Jürgen Klopp. In the rectangle window we have Paul Merson rambling incoherently about Alexander Isak going to the Arsenal and what a t'riffic move that would be for everyone involved but probably not noocarsull who 'eed then worry abaht if he's honest with ya. Anyone still here who supports Newcastle, guys, there's no agenda here at sky, we love all the teams and report on them all equally and fairly. If you go on our YouTube channel through the triangle window there's a YouTube podcaster asking Dan Burn and Sean Longstaff a few jokey questions for ten minutes because that's all you're good for and we haven't got time to put it on our actual sports channels. Love you, guys!"

I've never heard the cunt ever, no interest in starting now. (Only heard of him last year or so).

"Dear recruiter I wrote you, but you still ain’t callin’ I left my mobile, my pager and my home phone at the bottom I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not’ve got ’em There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin’ Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot ’em But anyways, fuck it, what’s been up, man? How’s your daughter? I read you'd seen my twitter feed and thought you'd not bother..."

He's used to interacting with dip shits on twitter which probably explains his patronising, playschool patter, 'Hey guys, if you look through the round window you'll see my colleague, mark, was just speaking off the top of his head, there's no sky agenda guys!' fuck off, man. (I'm sure that'll have went down well with anyone of his managerial team or friends at sky who seen it on his twatter feed though).

He's blatantly checked out his social media after offering him the job then had second thoughts.

I'm not pinching that.

Pinching that.

I unfortunately missed both the council and the ministry off my CV. Where did it go wrong?

It reminds me of the old council joke. An old squaddie goes for a job at the council, during the interview he informs the council of his medical conditions and the fact he is missing his testicles from a shrapnel wound and is also allergic to caffeine. A day later he gets the call to start. Council: "Hi, we'd like to offer you the job, we like to support ex forces and we think you'll be a good fit." Bloke: "That's great, when do you want me to start?" Council: "Next Monday if that's ok? We usually start at 9.00am but you're contract is going to be an 11.00am start." Bloke: "Why's that?" Council: "Well for the first couple of hours here at the council we just sit around scratching our balls and drinking coffee so thought there'd be no need for you to come in for that?"