Leaderboard

The sun will be high in the sky, radiating off the top of Slot's massive dome shining a concentration of light onto Salah's weave setting it alight in a blaze of black smoke and toxic fumes. In a panic Salah will sprint into the stands grabbing what he believes is a bottle of Evian from a Geordie supporter in the crowd. He will mistakenly pour the bottle over his flaming hair plugs and will realise too late that the clear liquid inside the bottle is moonshine snuck in to avoid the £20 pints in Wembley. With his entire top half aflame, Salah will recall that the fire brigade used to visit his school and remember the stop, drop and roll technique. Rolling about, screaming as he does this. Allison sees the commotion and sprints over to Salah, palming at the flames with his shovel hands. However, his gloves are highly flammable and combust on contact with Salah. Now both players, engulfed in flame, are put out with a fire extinguisher by "Trent", who is immediately shown a red card for using the black label extinguisher instead of the foam extinguisher like a fucking idiot. With all players off the field the game commences, whereby Newcastle United dominate.....and still lose 2-0.

Apologies, but one more . Here is LTA.

If any of you know any curses, now is the time.

I predict that MOHAMMED SALAH and VIRGIL VAN DYK will emerge from tonight's game in pristine physical condition. Neither of them will snap a hamstring. Mark my words.

Anything can happen in a cup-final, so I’m going to break with tradition and say 5-0 to us.

Nice prediction, DICKHEAD.

Put here for traffic. I will probably be losing access to my ChatGPT soon what with my new job and NHS austerity, so I thought I make a loving compendium collage to all you toontasticers out there before they're lost to history entirely. Sorry if you're not on but there's not enough space for you all or possibly I can't think of a single interesting thing about you . Anyway, most have been posted but there's some new ones too @Alex @Isegrim @sammynb @Meenzer @ewerk. @wykikitoon was the easiest to do, he's on 3 times but really, they were all too good to be deleted .

You alright laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Who needs ChatGPT when we already have this image of him.

Leave him alone. He only started his new job in the area this week. He is struggling to integrate.

Yes, make one of your great predictions that Salah and VVD won't get injured.. TYPE IT. POST IT.

Looks like the splash you get when you drop a massive one into the bog.

Update on our scouse friend. He's taken some punishment, but there's plenty left where that came from.

Oops, forgot one of the original contributors. @Kid Dynamite Collage is too full now but here you gaan anyway.

100% when passing to a stand

no

That cash out button looks awfully tempting right now.

"Carabao cup final next weekend, who's our TV picks this week? Surely it's Liverpool?" "No, we thought they've got a tough game at home to Southampton so we'll leave them alone on Saturday with a 3pm KO." "What about Newcarsull?" "They're away to West Ham so we thought putting them on Monday night's game wouldn't be a problem. Also, gives us a chance to talk in-depth about Liverpool looking good for the title before the game against..... Errr..... God my minds went blank....errr..... Ah yes, West Ham against Newcarsull. Maybe have a little section talking about the clubs most likely to buy Isak in the summer."

It's weird but I don't think you have much of a chance of getting it overturned unless there's a big media blowback. The one for the Arsenal kid was pretty much unanimously called out in the media as an injustice from when it happened. Anything where's the reaction is about 50/50 the FA don't bother.

LTA's garage right now....

Hmmmm

It's certainly not gonna do anything for Diego's belief that the game is rigged for Real Madrid.

Apparently Mrs. Nunez has grown to enjoy anal over the years…

Renton doing more to kill the planet with ChatGPT and AI than Silicon Valley is

just as a slight aside to this, what happens first.... man utd play in front of 100,000 people? or our useless cunts complete their feasibility study/fan consultation/planning permission application/employ some brickies?

Watching the highlights there, and that chance Liverpool had where the header hit the inside of the post, ran all the way back across the goal, and was missed by everyone.... That can only have been the work of the Voodoo King of Toontastic. If anybody doubts my bona fides in this area btw, I went to New Orleans in 2003 and visited a voodoo practitioner. Clearly I picked up some skills that have lain dormant for 22 years. They lie dormant no more.

Two days until I will enjoy the Whitley bay seafront watching seagulls to attack random Ramsey lookalikes...

Hoverboard CUNT* *unless we win then you're a legend forever

Thats a huge result, we really needed that 3 points after recent results elsewhere. 6th and still in the hunt.

I fucking hate Monday games

Great memories, Gemm.

TBF, 52 year old me is still wondering that now

Aye as soon as the noshes dry off he'll be fucking crying out for a boring, centrist Brian Badonde impersonator - and I hope we're all in agreement that he can fuck clean off. The only thing worse than being a yank is bucking a yank - the only thing worse than either is having a yank refuse to let you get your hole. Wyki's pal is pond life IMO.

I hope the surgeon is clued in on the fact that (according to some of you mentalists) the club is lying about which knee is injured.

Villa have a tough April. Hopefully tired by the time they play us. Brighton - away Forrest - home PSG - away Saints - away PSG - home us - home Man City - away

Why do you even watch football. It makes you so angry!

He's a fucking piece of shit, this bloke. Anyone who voted for him can fuck off as well, never mind your fucking buyer's remorse cos eggs still cost more than you hoped - if your world view extended beyond the cost of your fucking breakfast, you might not have got yourself and the whole fucking world into this mess.