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Is he driving you home pissed?

Had to be done!

You wait 70 years for a bus and then none fucken turn up!

I told the wife I was off this afternoon to get the kids’ names tattooed on my arm. Came back with this.

Reminds me of this classic from when Twitter wasn't full fash yet:

they had a 1.5 million people rock up in london to protest the Iraq war, 3 million apparently in rome. this happened without any fucker worrying about how many portaloos were available or whether or not it would be advisable to stock up on elastoplasts. honestly man, you've spent far too much time amongst fucking coppers you.

Nice to have it confirmed that Graeme Jones basically kept us up when he came in the door. There’s another one who has massively earned this current success. Was basically managing the side for that fat cunt

I always knew he'd benefit from Rafa's hard work and relentless drilling for a few months as well which had certain pundits laughing at us saying he's doing better than Rafa and such like. Bloke's a fraud.

George Foreman In accordance with his wishes, he will be grilled instead of cremated

I suffered for mine like a true Geordie.

"I just want to see the parade, the players and the bus!" "Fuck off! You didn't register your interest in the appropriate queue, sir. Get him in the van constable, make sure you don't bang his head on the way in. [Cough, ahem]"

They’ve badly misread the memo on this one. And they can go on about needing to understand numbers all they like, I don’t remember any booking system for Covent Garden or Trafalgar Square 2 years ago yet neither had an ounce of issue. Prioritising interest lists is what’s got my back up. ST holders had that for the final itself, now they want to double-down and given them priority to see a trophy most of them have already seen once already? Priority should be neutral on this. Last parade I remember was in 1993. No tickets, no registered interest, just an open top bus from Gosforth to the Civic Centre with tens of thousands lining the streets to greet the team. It was magical - in many ways because there was minimal organisation.

Aye spot on that. A fenced off celebration is in the interests of nobody. I don't even think it's got anything to do with selling hotdogs - the amount raised would be paltry and irrelevant. It's just a shit idea from people that fundamentally don't get it.

Have listened to the whole thing now, never heard Gayle talk before. Some decent insights from him but the whole thing is let down by the two barely comprehensible porridge wogs asking the questions

It's as well he's died, I don't know how he would have picked just one to take to the town Moor.

My laddie has started playing for an under 15 team, so that’s my new Saturday morning passtime. I thought watching NUFC was intense, but when you actually have skin in the game it’s a whole new level

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHWda_dO5r6/?igsh=MWgxcWJ3bmVuOGc1Mg==

Absolutely no surprise he didn’t do any of the actual training/coaching either. Actual remember a story from the days of Fat Sam. Where there was the block put on some coach, can’t remember who now, linking up with the England set up during an international break. The reason being that Allardyce wasn’t capable of taking training sessions for the players who weren’t on international duty. Because he’s another fraud. Although Bruce is probably on a whole different level when it came to doing fuck all.

There are literally thousands of pages on it on the SMB marra. To sum up, Mags are gravy stained scum who support NUFC. Most Geordie are too, except the ones who support Sunderland for whatever reason. It's entirely acceptable to support Sunderland if you're from Northumberland, but if you support Newcastle from anywhere within the historic boundaries of county Durham, including Gateshead and the whole millennium bridge, you're the worst kind of gravy stained scum. Oh aye, and to be a geordie you need to be born within 100 yards of SJP And SJP is a shit tip but also a perfectly good stadium so we don't need a new stadium on Leazes Park.

You cheap cunt.

That’s a coincidence, I’ve changed my kids’ names to those.

fucking thighs like supermac.

Looks like a tit

The fucks I could give are smaller than Gemmill’s cock.

Toonpack's front gate is a turnstile.

The fucking size of his arms- can you imagine even a mild slap off him, never mind a fully weighted punch?

The thing I find remarkable having listened to that is they gave Bruce the game against Spurs. Bloke is an absolute tactical fraud who is just a ‘name’ rather than a talent. There’s a reason he was never selected for England… Totally vindicates the shit Alex Bruce used to get too.

I'm not a facebooker so this has been nicked from the other messageboard courtesy of paully. its by keith barrett and is absolutely fucking spot on. I would also add these few lines of my own thoughts..... whichever fucking thundercunt thought it was a good idea to 'prioritise' registering an interest in going to the town moor from season ticket holders down to the lowly general public. we're all newcastle supporters you fucking moron, there is no prioritising, fuck off out of OUR club you CUNT. here.... Looks like they have rained on the parade, turning a celebratory day into another ‘experience’ The ballot road to enjoyment Telling folk how to celebrate the love of their team An enjoyment advisory service organised by people who wear suits and false smiles and have never been to Exeter or Shrewsbury Strangling self expression and spontaneity of Geordie folk who have have promoted enjoyment in the face of adversity for a football life time, just look in any Newcastle Upon Tyne pub on a match day, despite the result on the pitch, Geordie’s are the masters of enjoyment, we probably bloody invented it, but now, we need to be instructed on how to behave celebrating our teams cup triumph I dunno about you, but I don’t need to be listening to a DJ to enthuse me, telling me ‘to make some noise’ I don’t need modern day ‘tunes’ to fire up my vocal chords, I just need my fellow Geordies to be as one, a few choruses of The Blaydon Races, sang at a proper speed, I need smiles and appreciation of the teams achievement Just a natural reaction Just be normal I don’t want to see Darren Eales cheesy grin pretending he’s been waiting a life time for this day, telling us this is only the beginning Promising global domination and support from all over the world It’s now, that’s what it is, and if we never win another trophy again let us enjoy this one, this time, our time, now Let the Geordie people line the streets with bed sheets and flags and songs, local songs that lift the Geordie heart in celebration of our team, the kids, the not so wealthy, the Grannies and Grandads that can no longer get into the match let alone get their hands on a Wembley ticket, just let the people say thanks to the team that have given us at long last something that we all just dreamed of The only stage needed is an open top bus rolling slowly through the streets up to St James’s Park amidst a sea of black and white Don’t give tradition another kick in the bollocks and turn a celebration into a circus or an American style contrived extravaganza We are not anybody else We are us A people with our own identity We don’t need to be told how to celebrate, we have just realised a lifetimes dream Leave us alone, we have been alone most of our football lives And through that trophy less loneliness we have built a togetherness comparable to nothing else like it Let us get on with our celebration in our own imitable way Just keep it simple, keep it real, and most of all keep it Geordie Let the wheels on the bus go around and around

Does it also clean windows ?

This is Rob speaking. I want to hear from Wee Rabbie. He wouldn't talk like this.

Well… if he just put “George Foreman” as the kids name, he could get at least 5 in, and maybe Georgette. Also, who the fuck would stop him?

This your pilot? Reported myself.

Said England didn't look like a team that believed they could win the last tournament, they looked more like a team that just wanted to stay in. Said they looked scared to lose rather than believing they could win. The truth, basically.

the first time me and mrs tbd went to ozora festival was in 2007, while we were waiting in the queue to get wristbands on somebody tapped me on the shoulder and asked if they could take some photos of my tattoo. turns out they were a swedish couple who knew the the music producer artax but were also very good friends with the lad who did the cd artwork, they said he'd be absolutely delighted. I think this probably made me the 2nd most famous person in sweden after abba at the time, only recently demoted to 3rd since alexandra isak came along.

Called him a boring cunt then put You Porn on his phone.

That old yank cunt will already have his flights booked. The club will probably let him play the bass guitar with the live band and allow him to lift the trophy as well. "Hey they fellow toon guys. I'm delighted to have been personally invited to witness the Newcastle Mag Boys lifting the esteemed coca-cola championship trophy. I've just landed here in jolly old town this morning on a private jet personally piloted by Darren Eales. Now the moment you've all been waiting for, listen to me shred it to killing in the name of. Just kidding, it's free bird. Howay the guys."

Plastic mags are the best sort to be, the gravy just wipes off with a bit of kitchen roll.

Appreciate it? Gemmill has had the fucking thing tattooed on his arse.

How’s his lisp coming along CT?

That one is only available in lancasherrrr.

I switched it off after a couple of minutes, I actually thought I was struggling to understand the one of them was because he was fucking paralytic.

I've got one of his grills, the meat always turns out nice again..... No, wait, that was George Formby's grill. RIP

On the positive side though you're probably entitled to US citizenship. 👍

Love him to bits but thought he had nowt to do first half except head some balls and lots of easy passes. 2nd half, each time someone had a go at him, he came off 2nd best, and these were Albanians. I think the world’s elite would be too much for him. Lovely he’s won a cap, but I’d be suprised if he gets to the finals.

Gayle talking about playing against Man City and at HT they asked Bruce for some tactical advice. And Bruce replied: "I don't do tactics. Just put your boots on, try hard, and run about." How has he had a job in football management for nigh on three decades? That's something you'd tell an U-6s team.

Riot police were called to an incident of civil unrest in Newcastle City Centre last night after reports of a so called dry event on the town moor. Locals were said to be outraged at the lack of alcoholic beverages on sale and took to barricading the front of the Milburn entrance with flaming wheelie bins. Sandra, 19 from Benwell had this to say. “Ya man, I was just taking the bairns doon to see some owld yank bloke gerriz moister than an oyster by slapping bass when I sent me youngest grandbairn owa to the bar to get a drink and he comes back and tells iz that thaz nee Stella. Ah was raging man. What was ah meant to give him like? The didn’t even have nee fruit drinks like Bucky or dark fruits man. Daft cunt had to have a fruit shoot and ah cannit gerrim to sleep noo. So obviously we stormed the Milburn. I’m even more mad noo coz ah hoyed one of me primarni crocs at the security gadgy and he’s not give iz it back.” More to follow.

Newcartel United tbh