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May as well imagine us getting relegated twice in a row and spending the better part of a decade outside the top flight if they’re imagining things that would never happen to a proper football team

Riot police were called to an incident of civil unrest in Newcastle City Centre last night after reports of a so called dry event on the town moor. Locals were said to be outraged at the lack of alcoholic beverages on sale and took to barricading the front of the Milburn entrance with flaming wheelie bins. Sandra, 19 from Benwell had this to say. “Ya man, I was just taking the bairns doon to see some owld yank bloke gerriz moister than an oyster by slapping bass when I sent me youngest grandbairn owa to the bar to get a drink and he comes back and tells iz that thaz nee Stella. Ah was raging man. What was ah meant to give him like? The didn’t even have nee fruit drinks like Bucky or dark fruits man. Daft cunt had to have a fruit shoot and ah cannit gerrim to sleep noo. So obviously we stormed the Milburn. I’m even more mad noo coz ah hoyed one of me primarni crocs at the security gadgy and he’s not give iz it back.” More to follow.

That old yank cunt will already have his flights booked. The club will probably let him play the bass guitar with the live band and allow him to lift the trophy as well. "Hey they fellow toon guys. I'm delighted to have been personally invited to witness the Newcastle Mag Boys lifting the esteemed coca-cola championship trophy. I've just landed here in jolly old town this morning on a private jet personally piloted by Darren Eales. Now the moment you've all been waiting for, listen to me shred it to killing in the name of. Just kidding, it's free bird. Howay the guys."

Aye, that’s Cary Bao.

Of all the things you could possibly imagine, why would you waste your time on that?

I mentioned it was my dad's 80th on Sunday, really pleased he got to watch this win in peace. Years ago as a boy he had two grannys, one who was lush and one who for some reason couldn't stand him but liked his lazy brother, one of them had a telly.... In byker.... Unfortunately for my old man it was the one who couldn't stand him and kicked him out not long after he'd warmed the TV up on cup final day. He saved her from a fire a few years later, I'd have let her burn, personally.

I'll do a 600 mile round trip to spend the day in a field provided.... it's red hot there's dance music being played in the 138-144 bpm range. at least half those in attendance are scantily clad dready hippie chicks. every fucker is on at least one form of psychedelic drug. there's chilled cider and white wine readily available. in the event of getting the munchies there's stalls selling chicken tikka pieces wrapped in nan bread or moroccan falafels with a mint yoghurt sauce

Decent apart from that god awful accent and the fact that they showed themselves up when talking about the 'Saudi money'. They clearly couldn't care one bit about where the money came from, they were just pissed off that we (and Forest) had money to spend like they had been able to for years because of Littlewoods. I

Members on the day after ST holders, @thebrokendollto miss out and watch it from grandstand road looking over the fence.

Getting Gordon to get himself sent off was possibly taking it too far, though.

An actual still from my own personal collection of why TBD loves that particular scene… he’s pictured here so bolloxed the lass in the bikini he’s desperately making a lunge for easily gives him the old body swerve and continues happily on her way, a good outcome for all

TBD is quite the party animal.

And just like that a new toontastic meme is born

I can understand controlling numbers for the Moor and if they did a bus parade ending at the Moor “event” fair do’s but hours in a field (no booze) in the rain (forecast) no thank you.

no thanks, Talksport.

Bob is somehow even funnier than Q

Glad to join Swansea and Birmingham as the only clubs in 20 seasons to break the cartel

right bear with me. This is an Arsenal podcast, but these lads are proper Arsenal fans. Talking about how ridiculous it is that a good portion of their fan base think "it's only the league Cup", and those same fans think they have a divine right to come and take players like Isak off us when we've achieved more than their manager in a shorter period of time, and with less money spent. Taking the piss out of Arsenal and their constant excuses about what "phase" of the build they're in, whilst Arne Slot wins a trophy in his first year and we've won one coming from basically nowhere. It's background listening but I'm quite enjoying it. So there! Fuck you! It's bottom of the barrel time, but these lads are doing better than some of the shit I've seen from our own fanfluencers this week!

Glentoran fans, (I can see ewerk's face twisting from here) sing a song about a dream of them winning the European cup so one of the many semi professional clubs of Belfast have a bigger and more broad imagination than championship Sunderland.

the first time me and mrs tbd went to ozora festival was in 2007, while we were waiting in the queue to get wristbands on somebody tapped me on the shoulder and asked if they could take some photos of my tattoo. turns out they were a swedish couple who knew the the music producer artax but were also very good friends with the lad who did the cd artwork, they said he'd be absolutely delighted. I think this probably made me the 2nd most famous person in sweden after abba at the time, only recently demoted to 3rd since alexandra isak came along.

Called him a boring cunt then put You Porn on his phone.

100% he’s got an Ozric Tentacles tattoo on his back.

this is my kind of big field event....

I wish there was one of these for every player https://x.com/NUFCThreatLevel/status/1903082885738868873

Aye, it's all a bit prawn sandwich brigade, but letting 200,000 radgies turn up to the town moor for a piss up is probably a recipe for disaster. Anyone who has been to the Hoppings after dark knows it's like a scene from Mad Max.

I wonder if there's gonna be a Saudi group coming over for it, so they want some security and control over it, and to be able to daub the place in Sela branding. Something that probably couldn't be achieved by a bus tour. Given the lengths they went to the night before the final with that tower in London, I'm sure they'll put a canny event on, and some money will be spent making sure it's decent for those that can attend. But I'd much rather be able to jump on the metro into town, watch them wave and shake the cup about for 10 minutes, and then go about my day. I fully approve of the one child per adult rule though. It's about time we started punishing people for having too many kids.

Howay the guys

No booze though. I mean have they met any Newcastle fans?

It's absolute bollocks to place loyalty gates in the way of a celebration event for the whole city. Have you given us any money this season? Well then YOU can see the cup. Just drive a bus around waving the cup about, and any and every one who wants to be there will be there. They'll not change tack before the event though, this'll be what we get. I mean I don't imagine it's easy to shut down an entire city at short notice for an open top parade, but this is why you make plans in advance.

The DJ.... "Come on everyone, whip your wotsits out for lads, let's see those flashing blades, you too, Ethel!!! Make some noise!!!!"

They've spelled gravy wrong.

They couldn't draw another Prem team in Europe

Mea culpa, I certainly DID NOT watch the video but the brief bit I saw he seemed to be just above our lot so seemed he was on our end. I'm still gutted after the euphoria that tag alongs like this get to see us lift a trophy when others who actually did the 'hard yards' in the past are frozen out. I totally understand that's the way it goes these days, doesn't make it anymore palatable though.

I’d fucking love a fortnight on my own

750 signatures and 2 comments. That’ll make people sit up and take notice.

We all wondered why the fuck we signed Harvey Barnes and now we know....

I got me something for my collection of football shirts though. Might have a different drawer for shirts of teams I relegated. It will sit nicely with the huge amount of shirts of my very own local team Hessen Kassel…

That’s an oxymoron anyway

Made my teeth itch writing it tbh. Almost as bad as Shearer saying "howay the boys" on a video he sent to Lineker which he played on their podcast.

Is that live baps? Count me in.

This is interesting/terrifying. https://www.project2025.observer/

What would you say to console them if that joke was upsetting? Their their

Road to the Final