Leaderboard

Apologies, but one more . Here is LTA.

The sun will be high in the sky, radiating off the top of Slot's massive dome shining a concentration of light onto Salah's weave setting it alight in a blaze of black smoke and toxic fumes. In a panic Salah will sprint into the stands grabbing what he believes is a bottle of Evian from a Geordie supporter in the crowd. He will mistakenly pour the bottle over his flaming hair plugs and will realise too late that the clear liquid inside the bottle is moonshine snuck in to avoid the £20 pints in Wembley. With his entire top half aflame, Salah will recall that the fire brigade used to visit his school and remember the stop, drop and roll technique. Rolling about, screaming as he does this. Allison sees the commotion and sprints over to Salah, palming at the flames with his shovel hands. However, his gloves are highly flammable and combust on contact with Salah. Now both players, engulfed in flame, are put out with a fire extinguisher by "Trent", who is immediately shown a red card for using the black label extinguisher instead of the foam extinguisher like a fucking idiot. With all players off the field the game commences, whereby Newcastle United dominate.....and still lose 2-0.

If any of you know any curses, now is the time.

I predict that MOHAMMED SALAH and VIRGIL VAN DYK will emerge from tonight's game in pristine physical condition. Neither of them will snap a hamstring. Mark my words.

Anything can happen in a cup-final, so I’m going to break with tradition and say 5-0 to us.

Yes, make one of your great predictions that Salah and VVD won't get injured.. TYPE IT. POST IT.

Looks like the splash you get when you drop a massive one into the bog.

Oops, forgot one of the original contributors. @Kid Dynamite Collage is too full now but here you gaan anyway.

100% when passing to a stand

Hoverboard CUNT* *unless we win then you're a legend forever

Why do you even watch football. It makes you so angry!

Well, Trump did say he'd make things more affordable. Turns out he meant shares.

Get your sausages out. 3-2 to us. Bruno to score the winner in the last minute of added time

Well on the basis that Dazzler wanted Salah and Alisson engulfed in flames, I don't think what we're asking for here is to bad tbh

Remember what happened to the last cunt that fucked around with match threads, farken

Quite aptly it looks like a circus tent.

Seventh tier! (Though to be fair, that is as much a bearded London hipster problem as it is a Mackem problem...)

Imaginative enough?

Well the 'Ashington reds' will be happy anyway, still waiting to hear the Bilbao black cats reaction but I'm hearing they're a bit disappointed as they supplied the red devils first away kits when they were Newton Heath, (but they didn't want to make a fuss about the shirts, it was nowt, really. Honestly, don't even mention it, they've forgotten about it already).

Two days until I will enjoy the Whitley bay seafront watching seagulls to attack random Ramsey lookalikes...

VAR, red card Joelinton.

Ban followed by Rents using ChatGPT to knock up a highly offensive mock up of him looking in a mirror at a white rasta?

Technically, that was MF farken with the dates and times of the match threads and he's still here / tending to the people chained up in his sex/murder dungeon.

Or a stapler in some jelly.

Aye, the trains between northern cities are buses on wheels that go at 30mph but sure, the benefits will positively radiate out of Manchester

If we win the cup then Gloom should start every match thread until we lose the next cup final IMO. He's still banned from going to matches though. I think we can all agree on that.

I started watching that interview this morning and put it off after 5 minutes. Boring, self regarding tosspot of a bloke.

Thats a huge result, we really needed that 3 points after recent results elsewhere. 6th and still in the hunt.

Put here for traffic. I will probably be losing access to my ChatGPT soon what with my new job and NHS austerity, so I thought I make a loving compendium collage to all you toontasticers out there before they're lost to history entirely. Sorry if you're not on but there's not enough space for you all or possibly I can't think of a single interesting thing about you . Anyway, most have been posted but there's some new ones too @Alex @Isegrim @sammynb @Meenzer @ewerk. @wykikitoon was the easiest to do, he's on 3 times but really, they were all too good to be deleted .

These are shite. 3-1.

To be fair to Pope, that freekick was an absolute abortion well before it got to him. And when it did he was immediately being pressured. He didn't do great with it but you have to look at the players in front of him making ridiculous decisions and poor passes first.

A cup final. The biggest banana skin of them all

Looking forlornly at the real housewives of Cheshire like the dad off Motherland

No dice, the rules are very clear on this. It's you. Short of you taking one for the team and incapacitating yourself, this is all on you. No pressure though

That reminds me. Taylor Parkes talking about David Lee Roth's version of California Girls, which Simon Bates described as "an update on the Beach Boys original". Parkes: it's an update on the original in the same way that a toilet full of warm shit is an update on steak and chips.

Radtcliffe is further confirmation that the most successful CEOs are successful because they're complete and utter cunts without a shred of self-awareness or capacity for empathy.

Let the record show Gemmers took ewerk's innocent opining and turned it into his own prediction that ManC will be docked points and relegated to the Third Division of the Irish Amateur Women's Tuesday Night League by this time next week. I mean it could have happened. But now it definitely won't. Fuck sake.

That cash out button looks awfully tempting right now.