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She sent Lee Van Cleef in her place

I called him a boring cunt on twitter once (or words to that effect, saying how shite his telly patter was), and he sent me a completely blank tweet in reply. A perfect interaction with the man with nothing to say.

You'd have to listen to his podcast first....

Make your fucking mind up. It was all for you

corrected for accuracy

just in case anybody needs reminding why ferdinand is not only as thick as a keith s30s, but also why it would be no bad thing if the cunt fell in to a skip full of razor wire... warning..... ONLY LISTEN.... looking at him might turn you to stone, the pig ugly, plug faced, duck lipped cunt.

Ahh, she's wearing a parker. I thought it was some bloke from Eastern Asia sporting Monkey* style side burns. * I mean this lad, nothing racist, honest!

1976.... the rock hard 14yr old tbd in his size 6 dm's, newcastle 1 liverpool 0, paul cannell. i remember it vividly, I'd had fishfinger and beans before the match and mid way through the first half i started feeling queasy, I barfed them back up and splattered an older lad like him's blood red astronauts, polished to the extent you could see him from a mile off. said he was gonna beat the living shit out of me if i didn't lick them clean. so I fled as quick as me little legs would carry me. never went in that bit of the leazes again until I honed me killer punch skills, was round about the time they pulled it down. which was just as well for him, I was gonna wipe the floor with the cunt.

Guess what, I also didn't watch it. No huge appetite to witness the green light being given to the tens if not hundreds of millions of mouthy fuckwads who are going to feel enabled to make my friends' life hell for the next four years. I'm sure I'm engaging in some kind of "identity politics" by making such a comment, but that doesn't seem hugely relevant right now, funnily enough.

Odd. This is what my ChatGPT came up with for you. Gave you too much hair like.

"The nature of Braverman was irrepressible!" Shout out to David Cameron as Pigsy.

I bet the Premier League are this week trying to figure out how they can tweak PSR enough to let Man Utd & Arsenal to spend again, but still stop us, Villa & Forest from doing the same.

Biggest banana skin so far and the whole side will be racked with self doubt. No points from this game

Well, because it's you, I'll do a freebie. Your parked up in Scotland causing a traffic jam. A couple of things to note. For some reason ChatGP draws every man with a beard and sometimes stubbornly refuses to remove them. Secondly, it is very restrictive on what you can include without reporting you to plod. Yours required an, ahem, manual edit.

Here's one for @Dr Gloom. From now on these are available on request for a modest fee.

How many times do we need to point out to you that we are nowhere near the relegation zone and that Howe is doing a decent job? 😉

It’s a hard competition because they are all thicker than a guiness shite, if I had to pick one it would be Rio Ferdinand. The main problem is how thick they are it’s their obvious “big 6” biases, never get a lad who was a for example Brighton player on a Brighton game. It’s a “Utd” player and a liverpool player talking about something they have no idea about. Fuck sky, get a dodgy stick and don’t give them any money

Are they fuck. They’re no better qualified to talk about football and NUFC than any other fucker, and that includes even YOU Kev 🫵🏻😅 There are presenters, who invariably are journos but not always, some of the top ones now seem to have had a famous father who played the game. Lineker and the late Michael Robinson actually made it from the pitch to the top of TV sports presenting without any qualification to their name. That took real ability iyam. Especially for Robinson, who did it in a foreign country. Then there’s the vast hoardes of ex players on call for their opinions, via a playing career of variable ability and success who are, as has been pointed out, mostly fuckin useless. All that is required for most is just the self confidence to do it. To even the most casual viewer their actual content is in a lot of cases irrelevant; it’s got to be, they talk nonsense on fuckin toast. There’s a few I like very much, they’re mostly on 5 live. Pat Nevin, Nedum Onua, Rob Green are all decent. McCoist is by miles the best co commentator, the rest are as mentioned mostly fuckin brutal.

He's not a nazi, he's just a fucking shite patter loser who wants desperately to be funny and edgy. Stuff like that is not gonna fly with Trump either. This is his big day and that dickhead is trying to steal the limelight.

So honoured I've changed my ava for the first time in 15 years.

You’re one to talk, Adam Pearson fetish boy

As Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou once said, “ If you’re gonna do it, Do it right”

She talks a bit like David Bellamy, but Gloom simply cannot get enough of her.

Was it an all nighter or just a quick glory hole ?? Self Reported ✅

Farage wasn't born, he was a tumour cut from one of Jeremy Clarkson's smoker lungs and somehow gained sentience. I presume as the result of a wish from some absolute incel.

Arguably they’re neither

Fuck Off you deposed lettuce.

i've watched a couple of them. car crash TV. you don't want to watch it, but can't help but have a look

the infamous 4-3 forest game... the lad in the last photo, biggest turn ups on his skinner jeans, ever, astronaut martens instead of 8 holers, this kid is as hard as fucking nails, would've took the fulwell singlehandedly..... good and proper.

Who's the second picture? As for the other 3, why are these has been, never been, and current cunt politicians wearing caps about making another country great? When the new president of that country and his right hand goon have directly threatened us?The same cunts that banged on about about Brexit giving us sovereignty etc. They are literal fucking traitors. What proportion of the UK are going to want to support the aims of the US over our own? Quite a few I think, not enough to command a majority, I hope.

Of the older soccer saturday generation I'm actually going to go for Charlie Nicholas. He probably is smarter than Merson and Le Tissier really but he sticks out in my mind for getting really mad at something Stelling said at his expense and being completely unable to form a comeback at all. No bants. Of the modern lot its hard to look past Ferdinand, thick as shit and desperate to be viral/cool. His fucking Balon d'or thing when Bellingham scored in the euros was one of the most cringeworthy things I've seen in a sports broadcast.

If we’re allowed to chose podcasters then The Fish surely wins in a landslide?

Charlie Nicholas has always given me “ second child, poor family, wore his older siblings PE hand-me-downs” vibes. Which probably wasn’t helped by his older sibling being his sister. “ NICHOLAS! WHHYYY ARE YOU WEARING BAGGY GYM KNICKERS AND A SPORRRTS BRA???” And he’s never got over it.

The laptop screen being attached the wrong way round is a deliciously surreal touch

I’m just sticking around waiting for you all to beg me to take the reins for the second leg of the league cup semi final tbh.

The lad in the 2nd pic looks as if he liked a scrap Noticed the toilet rolls on the pitch……used to get train from Cullercoats to match and the toilets on train were always raided🧻🧻🧻

They all look the same in glooms eyes

He is good with his feet though, or something like that. It's funny how things turn out. He had a right go at Maguire for the crowd/TV in (possibly) his first game. Now im sure everyone would rather have Maguire at the club than him.

Left out Lee Dixon in my list, he's a combination of Danny Murphy/Lawrenson in that he doesn't seem bothered to be at a game, a combination of most of the red pundits who only care about their ex-red teams and make it all about those sides and who was a cunt as a player too. (Arsenal).

It's a shame Anderson's first league goal wasn't for his hometown club but nice he finally got one.

When my daughter was a toddler, she would babble literally non-stop. The only time she’d stop was when she was filling her nappy. She’d go to the nearest available wall, put one hand, (only ever one ), against it, then go silent and red in the face as the monster emerged. I’m hoping President Von Shitzenpantz has a similar “tell”, and that it happens when he’s on stage. What are the bookies saying on Melanie dragging herself away from the tennis coach’s bed long enough to attend?

This hat will the Swastika equivalent in a few years

Stolen from Reddit, I asked CGPT to visually render my username: